Monday, April 22, 2013

Bad Shakespeare's Fairytale Weddings

*Please note, that yes, I did get the idea from this post from something a friend of mine posted on Facebook. I respond to this by pointing out two things: 1) Shakespeare stole literally everything he ever wrote. 2) Good writers write, great writers steal. Plus, I’m going to make it funny.

    It’s April, which means the weather is getting nice, and the young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love. Or something along those lines. And with love, usually comes marriage. And with marriage comes wedding crashers. But before wedding crashers, there has to come a wedding. That’s why I’m happy to announce Bad Shakespeare’s Fairytale wedding packages.

    -Red Riding Hood Package. This is just the primary packages that Bad Shakespeare has to offer. The basic package comes complete with castle, swords for the groomsmen, and singing birds that will dress the bride. There is an optional wolf attack following the ceremony.

    -Snow White Package. This comes with everything in the Red Riding Hood Package, but instead of a wolf an evil queen comes in, curses everyone in attendance, and will take two bridesmaids hostage. Dwarf Groomsmen will be extra.

    -Deluxe Snow White Package. By going with the Deluxe Package, we can offer you a wolf attack and a week before the marriage the evil queen will poison the bride, but just with a small sleeping agent that can be broken with true love’s kiss. (And the antidote, delivered into her system in enough time to allow her wake up in time.) A glass coffin is included, but I’m afraid with the package you will have to pay extra if you want the forest animals to escort the groom to the church.

    -Peter Pan Package. Pirates. What will make things better than evil wolves? Pirates. In this package, you will save your bridge to be just as she is about to walk the plank. Fairy companion is extra.

    -Evil Queen Package. Want to try it a fairy tale from the other end? This special package includes the kidnapping of a Prince and an evil wedding. What does an evil wedding involve, you may ask? Well, lots of black dresses and pointy helmets. You’ll get your own minions to boss around for the duration of the wedding. Please note that the minions will not assist you world domination. Also, this package will end with the Prince escaping and foiling your evil wedding plans.

    -Deluxe Evil Queen Package. The minions in this package will assist you in casting evil spells for world domination. Also there will be no Prince foiling here.

    -Dragon Package. Dragons. Lots of dragons. 44% more Dragons than other, lesser fairytale packages.

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