Monday, September 24, 2012

Bill Murray is The Only Thing Keeping the Martians at Bay

On Friday, September 21st I drove from my home in Virginia to Florida on a trip to help my sister-in-law move back into her house following her evacuation from Hurricane Isaac. Around eight o’clock, after I’d been on the road for over twelve hours, I turned on the record function on my phone, and began talking. Here’s the edited version of what goes on in my head when alone with my thoughts.

    Today is Bill Murray’s birthday. I firmly believe that Bill Murray is probably the greatest thing that the people of this time period have to give to society. Smart phones will eventually go out of style (remember when the RAZR with it’s “color screen” and thinness was the height of technology?); HD and 3D movies are just the precursor to holographic near realistic entertainment; wifi is becoming the norm; and let’s not get started on how primitive cloud computing will look in a few years. (You might as well be downloading that song via carrier pigeon.)

    No, Bill Murray is probably the greatest thing this world has to offer right now. The amount of Murrayness in a film is really what determines how truly great it is. What’s holding up Ghostbusters 3? Bill Murray. In Zombieland, who’s house do the characters go to even when they can go literally anywhere? Billy Murray. Who did SNL call on when they were having the worse season ever? Bill Murray. Who do you get when you want a semi-serious actor to bring a nuanced performance? Bill Murray.  Who does Wes Anderson call when he has just finished writing a movie? Who can say that they performed with Harold Ramis, Gene Hackman AND RZA? Who is the only persons the Martians have already contacted and has successfully negotiated intergalatic? Bill Murray. (probably)

    My point is that while we are taking full advantage of our natural Bill Murray resource, I don’t know if we truly appreciate our natural Bill Murray resource right now. I fear this is one of those things where we’ll go back and say, “Hey, Groundhog Day is pretty awesome... I love Bill Murray” when AMC is running a marathon of it on February 2nd in 2224, after we’ve already been through seven Church of Bill Murray popes and his head, that has been kept alive in a jar to this point, has decided to retire. (The marathon is in celebration of his retirement. It’s one of the lesser films but leads into 100 nights/100 Oscar Award winning films.)

    And keep in mind that the above is just best case scenario. While I’m sure that science is working on keeping Bill Murray’s head alive in a jar to give us Ghostbusters 7: The Next Generation, I fear that no one is adequately working on the election process of a Pope for the Church of Bill Murray just yet. (It would probably involve burning copies of Garfield to announce that the last pope had died, then burning copies of Garfield 2 when he’s elected.)

    You see, Bill Murray has touched us all. An entire generation of actors is coming to prominence right now, but none of them have the Bill Murrayness that made Bill Murray Bill Murray. Maybe Jack Black? I mean, he’s sort of there, but on a scale of Garfield to Ghostbusters, I fear that he’s a What About Bob? at the best. AT BEST.

    So, I guess the bottom line is that we remind ourselves of what is important. That’s why I lobby that we move to make September 21st as National Bill Murray Day, and we all stop what we are doing, slip our favorite Bill Murray movie into the Blu-Ray, DVD, VHS, Streaming or technology not yet invented, and enjoy and laugh at the antics of America’s funniest human, and national treasure.

   It’s really not too much to ask.

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