Pantsless Ducks with Rage Issues

It’s Tax Day! It’s the day when all slackers rush to get their taxes done, all the people who didn’t want to get them done are all smug, and occasionally one of the smug people gets punched by a slacker. I don’t condone any of this, except if you can do it once or twice for my amusement, and I get to sit in a throne and be fed grapes. But then I’m reminded I’m not a Roman Emperor, and this is unlikely to happen.

    Why pay taxes? Well, as Donald Duck might tell you in old World War 2 Propaganda films, it’s to help us fight Nazis. And as Dave Barry might tell you in one of his books, its to pay for some of the best entertainment the planet has to offer, then proceed to show you how the US Government is little more than an episode of Three’s Company, and everything hinges on fooling Mr. Furley. And as I might realize, I should probably learn more about how our government works from more than brilliant formerly syndicated columnists and pantsless ducks with rage issues.

    Now, while I don’t know much about the history of government, I can make plenty of stuff up. Taxes were first invented way back in Biblical Times, probably around the time that Noah realized he was stuck on a giant floating ship with a bunch of freeloading animals who were eating his food (and possibly each other) and decided that enough was enough, and that those slacker unicorns were going to have to pay with something, so they gave away their horns. And that’s how zebras were created.

    Paying taxes can also cause a lot of stress, possibly because the current US Tax code is slightly less complicated than the interweaving plot of A Song of Ice and Fire, although without all the Dragons. (unless you happen to own a dragon, in which case you should see subsection 7, paragraph 12, which coincidentally was written by George R.R. Martin.) The important thing to remember is to take a few minutes to calm yourself before going on a rage, and remember that this isn’t Monopoly. You can’t flip the board over and declare yourself the winner.

    I also realize that taxes are a touchy subject. From what I can tell, one group wants another group to pay less, while another group wants another group to pay less. As I don’t care much about politics, right now I want to support the group that wants the group I’m in to pay less. I’m not sure who that is. Whoever it is, you know you’ve got my support! Go, politics!
 
   I also know there’s a whole group of people who don’t think they have to pay any taxes. It should be noted that William Shakespeare was one of those people. Yeah, apparently the Bard was a notorious Tax Cheat. The dude had a rap sheet, and was wanted on Tax Evasion charges in Bishopsgate. So when you're being audited, point out that the greatest playwright in the world didn't pay his taxes: Why should you?

    Regardless, as you stand in line at either the tax place getting your taxes done, or as you stand in line at the Post Office, thus justifying their existence until the day before Mother’s Day where you suddenly take an interest in overnight shipping and Saturday Delivery, just remember that you’re paying your taxes because of reasons, and that you won’t have to worry about them again until the morning of April 14, 2014.

Book Report: Insane City by Dave Barry

I’ve looked up many reviews for Dave Barry’s latest novel, Insane City. Not one yet has said, “Dave Barry’s Insane City is insane!” I’m kind of disappointed by that. I mean, it’s hack writing, and I wouldn’t say it, but it does describe the book perfectly. It’s pretty insane. One day I wish to write something like this, that seems like it’s headed for disaster until everything is wrapped up thanks to characters that have been moved along the chess board and end up in the right location.

                I won’t pretend for a moment that it’s has the most original plot on in the world. Seth just wants to get married to his shrewish bridezilla of a fiancée, his groomsmen just want to throw him a bachelor party to end all bachelor parties, so naturally along the way he’s going to meet someone else who treats him nicely, get drunk, and lose the ring. So, basically it’s like the Hangover but if it was written by way of… well, Dave Barry.

                It has been said that there are a limited amount of plots in the world. What makes this one different from all the others is the fact that this one also includes an overweight stripper and her boyfriend/manager; their Escalade; pot brownies; a guy named Duane and his giant python (not a euphemism); a super exclusive group of billionaires; Haitian refugees; an orangutan named Trevor; and the whole thing ends with a shootout on a pirate ship.   

                Let’s see Bradley Cooper top that!

                I enjoyed this book, and I read it way too quickly. It was fast paced, and there are at number of times five different things happening so pay close attention. Like many books, the setup takes a little bit to get used to, and the back and forth between Seth’s debauched bachelor party (which is actually kind of tame) and Haitian refugees slowly making their way to America is a little tough to take. Barry proves he’s got a decent writing style that manages to really manages to get inside people’s heads, so when he’s writing about a mother praying that they don’t drown, it can be a little tough to take. Fortunately, he does not let this drag on, so while there is the underlying current that they will be deported, it just adds to the hilarity when Seth tries to be a good guy and keeps them from going.

                There were parts, like I said, that were a little more predictable that do detract from the overall novel. Yes, Seth’s fiancée Tina is a shrew. Pretty much every one you’ve seen or read in any other romantic comedy that has you saying, “he shouldn’t be with her!” so you’re pretty much aware about fifteen pages in that he’s going to wind up with someone else. She’s the typical rich girl who runs to daddy the second that something goes wrong, even if she’s smuggling pot through an airport.

                Her father, while sort of the typical, “whatever my baby wants” at the start, actually evolves into a hilarious character in his own right. He wishes to join an elusive “Group of Six” which most billionaires want to join, and his character slowly goes from  being the stereotypical “what my baby wants” to a guy that wants to join a group that he’s not sure exists. These scenes are easily the best part of the book, and probably could have been a novel in their own right, simply for the absurdity of it all.

                And that may be what is sort of frustrating about this book. There’s so much happening one wonders that maybe a better book would have been written if he had trimmed out about half the characters, given the more time, and put them in another book. Then he could have really given time to some of the better parts, like Tina’s father and the billionaire he’s trying to impress. He could have devoted more time to the fact that Tina is mad at Seth for harboring illegal immigrants, and she’s done way more to save them because she’s signed petitions! There’s such a fantastic book on the fringes of an already great book… it’s just frustrating!

                None of what I just said should take away from the fact that this is Dave Barry’s writing style right down to the insane characters and the fact that it’s set in Miami. Basically I’m saying that this book is Dave Barry, and if you like Dave Barry, you’ll love this book. If you hate Dave Barry, well, then I would recommend trying out something new, that’s not Dave Barry. But this is up there with his other adult fiction works, Tricky Business and Big Trouble.

                I’m certainly looking forward to the next one.

Book Report: Lunatics by Dave Barry and Alan Zweibel

      

     For those of you who know me, you know that one of my favorite writers is Dave Barry. Love him. I’ll read anything he writes. So when I found out that he was writing a novel with Thurber award winner Alan Zweibel, you might have well have just told me that Christmas was coming, Santa got my letter and Dave Barry was writing a novel with Alan Zeiwbel. I was excited. And after finishing it... I still am. It was everything I wanted it to be.

The novel switches the point of view between two main characters. One is Philip Horkman, who’s sort of a down to earth, square fellow who owns a pet store called “The Wine Store” and refs soccer on the weekend. the other is Jeffrey Peckerman who is... well, let’s say less down to earth, and less level headed than Horkman. After Horkman calls a foul on Peckerman’s daughter during a soccer game, the two men get in an escalating war that involves terrorists, warfare, an escaped lemur, and Donald Trump. Yeah. It’s the kind of novel I wish I could write one day.

What is there to say about this novel? It’s pretty much everything you’d expect from two humorists writing chapters back and forth to each other, each one trying to out-do each other in zanier ways. A couple of moments the plot stalls, but as each chapter gets more and more outlandish, the more I actually enjoyed it.

A real testament to the writers’ ability is the fact that it’s told in first person perspective, and I HATE first person perspective, but I still enjoyed every second of the book. I don’t know why I don’t like first person perspective. I feel at times it can be a little bit of a cheat. Rather than have characters try to figure things out, here you have a character that just tells us what he or she is thinking, and keeps that stream of thought going. It worked well in The Hunger Games. Maybe I’m just getting more used to it. Because I loved the way it worked here. I loved the fact that we’d get something from Horkman’s perspective, then shift and learn something completely different when Peckerman interjected his own thoughts on it.

The other thing I loved is the fact that you could tell the writers were just having fun with it, and that came through with each chapter. Obviously there were a few points where they were trying to outdo each other, or they were trying to set each other up with a trap of “how will they get out of this situation?” (Zwiebel wrote Horkman’s chapters, and Barry wrote Peckerman’s chapters). It’s rare that writers are able to inject what they’re writing with so much fun. Joss Whedon’s really good at that. (Bring back Firefly!) But I could barely put this book down because I wanted to read what happened next.

To me, that’s what real writing is: have fun with what you’re doing. I’m not a huge fan of “misery porn” in which writers dump what they can on characters just so something can happen. (Although Joss Whedon is pretty good at that, too. Bring back Fred and Wesley!) And there doesn’t have to be a long slog as characters learn something from the experience. The characters in Lunatics don’t really learn anything, and I don’t think they’re supposed to. But to just imagine Zwiebel and Barry going back and forth, laughing at each other. I’m building up a lot the writing process in my head. I hope I’m right.

Just do yourself a favor, and read this book. I am still laughing as I think about different parts of this book. This is one of the funniest books I’ve read in a long time. (Yes. It’s over a year old. Read the previous post where I talk about not having time to read!)

As mentioned, Dave Barry is one of my favorite writers so I am predisposed to like it.. I like to pretend it some far off world that maybe, one day while googling his own name to see how many hits pop up he’ll stumble along this blog. In which case I will squeal like a little girl. I would love to write like him one day. I’m anxiously awaiting his next book, which is supposed to come out at the end of the month, and you can expect to see a full write-up on this blog as I tear through it, hopefully as fast as I enjoy it as much as I enjoyed Lunatics.