Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Evie had about enough of standing around, waiting for something to happen. Mars tried to fend off the demon, Kaplan tried to help him, and Hamlet was still scurrying around the burning bar, amulet in his mouth. And she was being held by this woman and this jerk she’d never seen before, but was known as Yuri to most people.

“This is madness!” Evie yelled, “Let me go!” 

“Hey, you’ll go when I tell you to go,” Elizabeth already had it planned out. Now that Nicolas Cage was on the outs with the demon, there was an opening. That dick in the blue hoodie thought it was going to be him, but she was going to snatch it from him. And when she was in charge, the first thing she was going to do was make Kaplan suffer. 

Hamlet was getting tired, but continued his journey across the fake rocks that made up the bar. Unfortunately, in his tired state, he made a fatal mistake. Darting left to avoid three cult members, he bounded off a nearby fake rock and took to the air across a fake mini-valley right where Kaplan had recently knocked out the Man in the Blue Hoodie. He was just coming to when he saw the white animal make the mighty leap. The Man in the Blue Hoodie stretched out his arms, ready to catch Hamlet, who at this point was going to be unable to correct.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Mars and Kaplan looked over to see Hamlet sailing through the air. Nicolas Cage gazed up at Jacob Whelan, who’s look of delight was creepier than even his smile. 

Evie, who had just about enough at this moment, brought her fist back to strike Elizabeth who was grinning too much and was just pissing her off. Unfortunately, Yuri was still holding her arm when she did this. Yuri, caught off guard as he was also watching Hamlet sail through the air, suddenly found himself sailing towards the ground off the plateau, head first. 

There was a non-satisfying crunch as Yuri’s neck broke. However, this was the crunch that would save the world.

Mars and Kaplan were told explicitly, when they first started out on their journey, that they would meet up with the Angel of Death... or Middle Manager of Death... that they would be watched very closely. After all, this being an official quest, there was a lot of room for death and mayhem. Mars and Kaplan may have forgotten this, Izzy, did not.

The second that Yuri expired, Izzy appeared to claim his soul. He also claimed his cat, mid-flight.

“HAMLET! I missed you buddy!” He gave the white cat a big hug, who was now purring very loudly among the explosions and the fire.

“Oh, come ON!” Jacob Whelan roared. “You’re not allowed to be here!”

“Hey, don’t tell me what I can and can’t do!” Izzy replied. He took the amulet out of Hamlet’s mouth, “What’s this gross thing?”

“Magic Amulet!” Mars yelled.

“It needs to be destroyed!” Kaplan said.

“You fools, you can’t possibly think that he can do anything. He’s a non-player,” Jacob Whelan replied.

Izzy looked at Jacob Whelan in the eye. He held the amulet out and  dropped it in one of the purifying fires that had spread throughout the bar. There was an awkward moment of silence before Jacob Whelan vanished into a puff of smoke.

“Anything else?”

“I think we’re good, Izzy,” Mars replied.

“Good, if you steal my cat again, I’m going to kill you,” Izzy replied, “Not in the nice way.”

Izzy and Hamlet vanished.