An Announcement So Important, I Have Used One of My Daily Allotment of Exclamation Points.

           Hang on, everyone… writer announcement! Extremely important writer announcement coming up. You know it’s important because I used one of my daily allotted exclamation points to punctuate what’s going on.

            In my never ending quest to better understand myself, finish my schooling, and fight dark wizards, I will not be around much in the coming weeks. I will be mentoring some youths on a Mission Trip to North Carolina. (Me mentoring anyone is a scary prospect in and of itself, but apparently we get a free trip to the rodeo! I can’t pass that up.) Then I will be taking a summer class which is a condensed, four week version of a longer class. This could be brilliant in getting a class out of the way quickly, or it can be an exercise in spending long hot summer nights in a classroom. Probably won’t make any songs sung by John Travolta and Olivia Newton- John, but it still might be fun.

            What does this mean to you, my dozens of loyal fans? This means some tweaks and changes here and there. I still plan on posting regularly, but (for next week, at least) it means a decreased presence on Facebook and Twitter, where I usually announce that I have something new posted.  It also will mean more weird and experimental stuff, like with the Theresa Franklin or the Shelley School posts like a few weeks ago, because I will have to bank a few in advance.

            Also, it means you can help me out a little. If you see something that tickles your fancy, or makes you guffaw heartily, or that makes you think… do me a favor and share it. Tell your friends. If you hate it, tell your enemies. I won’t be able to do my typical shameless self-promotion, so any help you can offer would be awesome.

            Keep in mind that all of the adventures I’m about to go have will bring some interesting fodder for this blog. I will attempt to talk about some of the stuff I’m doing along the way, and keep you entertained in my twisted little world. I certainly hope you will continue to come along for the ride.

Customer Service... er... finished?

Dear Valued Customers,

            It is with great regret that I must report that I will be leaving Franklin Family Construction after five wonderful years. I have been honored to be able to work beside my family for so many years, and people that I’ve grown to consider family.

            During our last assignment, working on the construction of a tower that was to eclipse the Eastern Seaboard, there was an accidental opening of a portal to a dimension of fire. Most of the Franklin Family Construction Crew was sucked in, and forced to live their most terrible fears for several weeks until their release could be negotiated. I am happy to report that everyone was returned unscathed, and most of them were able to have their memories of the events removed.

            Fortunately, I was able to claw my way out very quickly. Because of my ingenuity in quickly sacrificing our foreman Jeff, I was rewarded with a seat of power by Dr. Armagedonus. Of course, this is after he to complete his latest plan, a Death Beam powered by the wind. Despite being foiled in the past, he truly believes that this will work, and in a future free of pesky meddling secret agents, superheroes, and rogue New York City cops.

            All future complaints can be directed to your new Customer Service Representative, Ted Connor. I have worked with Mr. Connor for several years, and I have full confidence of his ability to give you the same level of customer support that you have come to expect.

            Thank you all for your time and support.

            Theresa Franklin

            Future Queen of What Was Once Known As Iowa.

Customer Service Representative, Part 3

Dear Mr. Thomar, the Bringer of Inconceivable Destruction,

            Franklin Family Construction is flattered by your counter offer of 10,000 gold pieces and seventy goats to aid in the construction of your “Castle of Doom atop the Highest Mountain Surrounded by a Moat of Pain”. However, this is clearly well below the estimate we originally sent. Such a fee is not enough to cover our permits to build outside the United States, much less in another dimension. The estimate plainly stated that the Moat of Pain itself was going to cost at least fifty goats.

            In addition, our highly skilled crew would be unable to work under your foreman, Lord Bramer, Fist of Death. We have our own foreman, Jeff, who is quite adept at motivating our crew without whipping or constant threats that they be sent to the Pit of Perpetual Terror. Of course, we understand there are many different ways to motivate a crew. Jeff has just found another way to get his crew working in his own way. Different motivation tactics for different people, as they say.

            Should you choose to accept the original estimate, we will be able to begin work next Tuesday. This will give us plenty of time to finish construction well before the Festival of the Solar Dragon in six months. I believe this was your timetable in ensuring a proper tribute to the Old Ones, and thus allowing you to take your rightful place as leader of your home dimension. Any other delay and I am afraid we will have to cancel this project, and move onto another.

            Thank you very much for your time.

            Respectfully,

            T. Franklin

            Customer Service Representative

            Franklin Family Construction

Customer Service Representative, continued

Dear Mr. Jones,

            Thank you for your interest in our company. Franklin Family Construction does pride itself in taking on new and exciting projects that push us to our creative limit. Projects like the one you describe certainly match our mission statement of finding challenging and creative projects, but we do have a few concerns.

            None of our crew nor subcontractors have experience working in a zero gravity environment. As a result, we do not believe we would be able to have your Moon Base operational in the three week timeframe you are requesting. In addition, we do not have the resources to commute daily from our home office here in Washington DC to your home base on the dark side of the moon.

            While you mention that you do have most of your materials, and we appreciate the sample, but none of us is familiar with this type of metal. You claim it to be the only substance in the universe that will weaken your arch-nemesis, but just don’t have the ability to work with this material.

            Many apologies, but this just will not work. If we knew of someone to refer you In the future, if you choose to build another base closer to the ground with more traditional materials, you will keep us in mind.

            

            Respectfully,

            T. Franklin
           Customer Service Representative

            Franklin Family Construction