Happiness and Gilmore Girls

As many of you read (many more than anything else previously read on this blog)  I recently quit the internship for the job I’d been working towards for about three years and decided to go in a new direction. The feedback has been amazing. I’ve gotten everything from , “you go, girl” (which was meant in solidarity and not a comment on my encyclopedic knowledge on all things Gilmore Girls) to, “I didn’t know you were miserable, why didn’t you say anything sooner, to “you selfish bastard, what is wrong with you?” (the last one was in the minority, so it stings less.)

It felt good being able to share that story with everyone. And given that we are in Commencement Speaker-times... that being Graduation time... for most college students, I wondered what I would say to college students out there. Then I realized I had a blog, and three days a week to fill, and I was like... hey, I do have the ability to figure that out. So, if I were giving a commencement speech (provided the students didn’t decide to boycott me based on my pro-Gilmore Girls views), it would go something like this.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Class of 2014... Congratulations. You’ve made it this far. For some of you, it’s the ending of what you might call the formal education years, where you sit in a classroom and learn a bunch of things that you may or may not use, and the start of the second phase of your education where you learn from life itself. The tests aren’t really graded, and if you want a smiley face sticker, you’ll have to go get one yourself.

For others, it’s the end of one leg of your education and the start of another, with post-graduate work. Those tests are graded, but you still have to by yourself your own smiley face stickers. I would recommend this, because it will cheer you up when you get a B plus on that paper you actually started early and not at the last minute. 

Anyway, this is the time of life you start getting a lot of advice, from parents, former teachers and educators, and me, your humble commencement speaker. I was once like you, sitting at my commencement, wondering when it was going to be over, not realizing that the cool speeches and the robes I was wearing were important - because there was little chance I would ever wear them again, or listen to someone that didn’t have advice that was linked to a bad pun about the industry I was working in attached to it.

Given that you are expecting advice from me, I’m going to go ahead and start doling it out.

Be happy. That may be the most vague advice ever, but it’s the best I can give, and the easiest to ignore. Too often we get sucked into something because we want to make other people happy. The thing is, we can only do that so long before we end up as someone we don’t want to be. You know the old saying, “people don’t really change”? Yeah, that’s not true. The problem is that people often change for the worse, allowing themselves to get sucked into worlds and situations that make them miserable, then they become miserable people. And too often, miserable people aren’t happy until they spread that misery to other people. It’s like a virus.

How can you be happy? By recognizing when you’re not, and realizing you’re never too deep into something to change. I was in the second to last semester of a graduate program when I stood up and walked away because every morning I was wondering how I could “accidentally” slip on some ice and get to go to the hospital for the day instead of dealing with what I had to deal with. That’s misery, people. It’s never too late to change your mind for the better.

Empathy is not weakness. I just said to be happy at the expense of all others, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t stop to think and care about what other people feel. We’re told too much to care only about ourselves, but we have to remember that what we do can affect other people. 

In short, you don’t really have to be a jerk about things. Don’t want to be in a relationship? End it. Don’t like a job? Don’t badmouth people on the way out the door, find something and move on. Save your outrage and retaliation for moments that really deserve it.

Don’t waste your time stopping other people from being happy. No matter what you worship... God, Zeus, The Almighty Dollar, Nothing... at the end of your life you’re going to have to answer a very important question. How did I spend my time? If even one minute of that was spent stopping someone else’s happiness, then you have wasted too much time. Who cares if two people get married that you disagree with. Who cares if someone is reading a book or going to see a movie that you disapprove of. Who cares if someone’s idea of fun is to run around and have people throw color packets on them. Who cares if someone wants to only eat meat, or doesn’t want to eat meat. 

Before you open your mouth, ask yourself if what they are doing is hurting anyone. And I don’t mean in a spiritual way that only applies to you and your beliefs. Are they holding a weapon to someone else? Is someone else being held against their will? No? Then ask yourself how you’d feel if someone was telling you that you couldn’t do something that, at the end of the day, wasn’t any of their business. You’d be pretty mad. Now imagine how they feel. Probably the same. There are real injustices in the world. Protest those. Not a book that has a naughty phrase in it. (unless it’s the book I’m writing. then protest it a lot. I want it on the front page of the news.) 

Stop using the phrase, “Guilty Pleasure.” I enjoy Doctor Who almost too much, I could listen to musicals non-stop, I actually enjoy the adult pop-ballads of Russell Crowe (even if the lyrics are unbelievably cheesy at times... and a little fun to make fun of), I can name for you all of the different types of Lanterns in the Green Lantern series, and I’m an unabashed, die-hard, bring-back-a-movie-to-wrap-it-up-fan of Gilmore Girls. This doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me a person who enjoys certain things. What do you enjoy?

If someone is afraid to tell you something, you’ve failed. I don’t care if you’re a parent, a boss, or a mid-level employee that gets fired by email. You should always be approachable. You should always make your views known, but let people know that they can talk to you about anything that’s on their mind. People should be able to talk to you about their failures, dreams, or something major without thinking your going to immediately jump on them. Now, what they did may have consequences.... but they need to know that those consequences are something justified, not you screaming or overreacting. 

Lastly, don’t judge. I had a good friend who once said, “when you point a finger, you’ve got three fingers pointing back at yourself.” Truer words were never spoken. Especially today we’ve almost made a sport out of judging people, or trying to justify that judgement. 

From all of this, I guess what’s most important is to live a life you’re proud of, and to live one where you don’t do any harm. Go out there. Enjoy yourself. And seriously, if you find yourself in a seat to make this happen, bring back the Gilmore Girls for one more episode.

Good luck, and Allons-y. 

Why We Write

I couldn't find a good picture, so here's Moe attacking Neil Gaiman

Recently, a website that I frequent had an intriguing headline. “The Bleak State of American Fiction” the headline on the A.V. Club boldly declared, as part of their “For your Consideration” series. For those who don’t want to read the website, the “For Your Consideration” pieces are basically essays that talk about some idea in pop culture that the writer wishes to discuss, like the trajectory of Kevin Spacey’s career. No. Really.

Naturally, I was intrigued by this headline, despite being burned in the past with some of these “For Your Consideration” pieces. While the A.V. Club has been an enjoyable website in the past, sometimes the pieces can lean a little bit towards... let’s just say the “hipster.” Basically if you’ve heard of it, it’s going to suck, according to them. If you haven’t, then it’s going to rock. And if you haven’t heard of it, but are starting to, then they’re going to sell out and you’re totally going to hate it again.

Oh, and they really hate Family Guy creator/singer/director/Oscar Hoster Seth MacFarlane. Like... a lot. I’m all for reviews, but at times they just seem mean.

The article about the “Bleak State of American Fiction” turned out to be little more than a stealth review of MFA vs. NYC, a collection of essays about how being a writer sucks. (That’s what I took away from it.) The book (and in a way, the writer of this essay) ask the question “writers write. But what do they do for money?” And then basically the writer sums up the book as saying there are only a few avenues to really get published these days, they all suck, and anyone looking to get into writing should probably pick out which cramped little hovel they want to live in as they’re fed peanuts to churn out what they want.

It’s a bleak stealth review of a bleak collection of essays. 

Also, quick side note: I’m not sure why they didn’t just review the book, but it may have cut into the two books they’re lucky to review a week as well as their allotted weekly MacFarlane-bashing.

The thing is, the essay ignores the fact that it’s never been easier to get published than today. Advances in digital media allow blah, blah, blah. I started writing that sentence and I realized just how much it’s been said. You can publish anything you want on Kindle, even fan fiction. Even steamy, erotic fan fiction based on a young adult book known for how chaste and anti-sex it is then it gets picked up by a major publisher and turned into a series of three books, then a movie. Even this blog wouldn’t have been possible a few years ago, but here I am, publishing on the web. It’s quite the glamorous setup I have here. And I’m grateful for all my readers, although I’m not exactly at Stephen King levels of readers just yet (maybe the early years) but my fan base is growing and I’m going to continue to post until it’s no longer feasible, or at least until my Supernatural/Gilmore Girls mashup fan fiction gets picked up by a major distributer. 

Fingers crossed!

Writers write because we have stories to tell. Writers write because we can’t imagine a world where we’re not putting words on paper, even if they don’t make sense, or we’re just trying to justify how a movie with a talking snowman somehow secretly tells kids how to worship the devil. (Leave. Frozen. Alone. Crazy. People. That’s another post. One I already wrote, but I feel like I need to re-write, because people are still crazy.)

Truth is, I’d write this blog even if I had just one reader, because in my soul I’m a writer, and that’s what I do. I’m going to continue to write out stories, even if they don’t get published, because that’s what I want to do: write my stuff. And I’ll continue to make fun of Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey because one is a book series about an abusive relationship, and the other is the porn version of that abusive relationship for people that don’t want to feel like they’re reading porn.

I dislike essays like the one I read on the A.V. Club. It’s the anti-writing essay, which is ironic since that essay is in fact, being written by a paid writer for a pretty well known website (As seen on the Simpsons.) But it seems to push people away from the simple act of trying to become a writer. I may never get paid for a word I write. But does that take away my need to write? Does that take away from the words I’m writing right now? Does that take away from my almost pathological need to post at least three pieces of writing a week?

I may never be famous for my writing. (I still think I will be. I’m on this side of the dirt, there’s still time.) But I’m going to keep doing. And I would encourage people to ignore the essays, written by paid writers, and continue to write. Hell, write even if it’s bad, because why not? You enjoy it. And you never know, one day you may end up hitting that deal if the right person reads your stuff. Also, you may not, but it allows you to work on that Supernatural/Gilmore Girls mashup fan fiction to your hearts content.