Thank you for your interest this year’s League of Evil Wizards (LOEWs) convention. This is just a brief guide to some of the exciting programs and events that we have scheduled for this year. Pre-registration is not required for the convention, but it is recommended. Magically erasing the name of your rivals and placing your name on the guest list is required. Please note that turning anyone into any type of rodent, amphibian, or other animal will result in high praise, but immediate removal from the Convention.
-Friday at 8:30 we will be discussing the ongoing lawsuit between Loews Home Improvement Stores and the name of our organizations. Our lawyers tell us that banishment to another dimension is simply not possible, so we will have to work things out reasonably.
-Friday at Midnight the Convention Conjurors’ will be putting on a show out in the stone circle in the forest. This event is 21 and over, so no adolescent genius wizards.
-Saturday Morning at 8:00 be up early for our wizarding breakfast and a special talk from Galinda the Good Witch on how to assemble a new animal from several existing animals. You may know her from Oz, where her work for the Wicked Witch of the West (rest her soul) was well known by many.
-Saturday at 10 we have a special presentation of Time Travel and You: Don’t go back in time to destroy your enemies because they’ll just follow you and trap you there. This is a recorded presentation, so please show up on time.
-Noon sees us with Potions 101. Included in this will be a special lunch, followed by a special afternoon hunt in which we try to capture whichever wizard drank the secret potion and will be currently rampaging in the nearby town as a troll.
-Three O’clock will be the presentation: Caring for Your Dragon: The Advantages and Disadvantages of an All-Virgin Diet.
-Dinner will be free time, so get to know your fellow wizards, or duel them to the death if you feel necessary. There will also be a special bus that will take you directly into town so you can witness the aftermath of troll attacks, or steal some souvenirs from the kids.
-After dinner we will either an extra special presentation of How to Kill Your Nemesis in The Most Creative Way Possible or Don’t Kidnap Your Nemesis on Thursday then wait until Saturday Night to Kill Him. It could go either way.
The cost for this year’s LOEWs Convention is either three gold pouches, the blood of a Leprechaun, or a Dragon’s Egg. To register, please place payment in a circle of fire, sprinkle with some fairy dust, and say the enchantment on the enclosed card.
We look forward to seeing you this year.
Pathar the Malevolent
Director, LOEWs Convention ‘12