Thursday, January 7, 2016

Bless Us, Oh Cage for a Wonderful Good Bad Movie Season

           Well, it’s that time of year. The Christmas Decorations are either down or staying up until they become a glorious reminder of Easter. Holiday Sales are slowly morphing into a reminder that Valentine’s Day is the next Holiday you have to look forward to, and that doesn’t come with days off.  Star Wars: The Force Awakens has blessed our screens and will continue to do so up until Episode VIII at this point. And sadly, movies switch from their high profile Oscar bait to… well, let’s just say, “the rest.”

            Yes, it’s time for Good Bad Movie Season, and our Protector over this particular season, St. Nicolas Cage. For who knows better than how to make a bad movie better than the King of all bad movies, Nicolas Cage. And I say that affectionately. He is the King, in so many ways.

            Prestige Season is always a little bittersweet for me. On the one hand, a lot of good movies come out. On the other, I tend to avoid them so I can give you a fresh perspective during the Oscar Movie Marathon coming up in February, and yes, Bad Shakespeare and Crew will be there in all of our glory. So I don’t have a lot of superlatives. Hunger Games was a little disappointing. Star Wars was amazing. So was Creed. Spectre was pretty cool, if you like throwbacks and thought experiments where the movie that was being parodied stole from the parody. Crimson Peak was chock full of Tom Hiddleston and ghostly goodness. And Jessica Chastain totally nailed the fourteen or so movies she was in.

            Anyway, it is time once again for us to bow our heads and say a little prayer to St. Nicolas Cage so he blesses us with a good Good Bad Movie season, and I have to tell you, it looks awesome, between Deadpool, Batman v. Superman, and Kung Fu Panda. But, time will tell, as it holds us over between our last awesome movie, and Captain America: Civil War.

            Let’s begin.

Bless us oh, Cage,
For these they gifts we are about to receive
Including straight from the page
Of Pride and Prejudice… and Zombies

Let us not forget about Pandas so Jolly
That will be hilarious and you
Will help us laugh at his folly
As we enjoy the antics of a Panda doing Kung Fu

After his last movie
In which he was replaced with a fool
Ryan Reynolds will gift us
With the character of Deadpool

One is faster than a speeding bullet
The other is dressed like a bat
But together they’ll fight
Batman v. Superman is where it’s at

We’re also gifted with a few Oscar Holdovers
Leo fights bears in the Revenant
The Finest Hours has us looking for cover
With those Ride Along 2 can join us--- Cage sent

Let us not forget the other movies that have been dumped
Zac Effron and Robert DeNiro
The theater we will jump
And Jane Got a Gun… moved from twenty one zero

There will be movies for Adults Young
With the Allegiant and Fifth Wave
And London will Fall in a sequel to be hung
And with a new city for Gerard Butler to save

There’s also Zootopia
But don’t ask Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
It’s an animated hoopla
The other is with Tina Fey – she’s hot.

Tom Hiddleston will sing with a country twang
The Huntsman will war, without Snow White
The Rings will scare us with tooth and fang
And Melissa McCarthy is the Boss – A comedy out of sight

There are so many others, I can’t fit in here
But Cage bless those with the power you send
As I go off to get more beer
And may this Good Bad Movie Season can wrap up… Amen.

            There you go! Your thrice annual reminder that I’m not really a poet, but I enjoy myself. How many of those movies will I end up getting to? Hopefully a good chunk, so I can report back before… SUMMER MOVIE SEASON gets into full swing! We’re only four months away!

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