Bad Shakespeare Election Guide: Hamlet

                 We are a week away from our elections. (I hope you are registered to vote.) Little is known about what William Shakespeare might think of our modern Politicians, outside of writing a witty play. His plays certainly contained politicians, that much is true, but the fact that they were politicians second, and people with real problems first. One of the only lines that actually refers to a politician comes from Hamlet:

“this might be the pate of a
politician, which this ass now o'erreaches; one that would
circumvent God, might it not?” (V.i)

And let’s keep in mind that he’s literally digging through skulls in that scene, and its most famous for the “alas Poor Yorick” speech. But Shakespeare didn’t say much about politics other than a general distain for them, an attitude that hasn’t changed much in 400 years. But how would his characters fare if an election was held today?

                Fortunately, Bad Shakespeare is here to help you all this week with a handy guide to Shakespeare’s politicians.

Name: Hamlet

Occupation: Prince of Denmark; playwright; freelance detective; dueler.

The Rundown: Prince Hamlet of Denmark suffered a great loss at an early age when his father was killed. Not content to stay dead like most other murdered fathers, King Hamlet (his father) came back to life, pinned it all on his brother and mother (who were now married). We didn’t see him do much “leading” during the time of the play, nor was it implied that at any point that he did any leading that didn’t involve people going to their death. He didn’t take any strong positions on many things, but he was exceptionally strong on crime. Died tragically when he was run through with a poison sword, but not before driving his girlfriend to kill herself, brutally stabbing a man, and inadvertently poisoning his mother.

Why Wouldn’t He Be Elected Today: Well, let’s face it, there’s a good chance that talking to your dead father and trying to coax the truth out of him with a damning play doesn’t spell “sanity” in the mind of the voters. 

Michael Keaton in a Bikini is a Different Story

               Last Monday, I announced that I was doing a media experiment: I will attempt to see how long I can go without discovering who won the recent election between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, and then report the results. I’ve been asked some questions regarding this, and I figured I’d answer them here so everyone can see the answers. Plus, I didn’t really lay out the “rules” last time, so this might help.

              

                Q. Are you making a political statement?

                A. No. This is a statement on the immediacy of the news we receive. A lot of this honestly is born out of the Olympic coverage. We live in a time when where it was possible to watch any event as it happened. But NBC chose to put on events at odd times and “spoiled” live events. (Thus really, really destroying what is meant by the term “spoiler.”) Realistically, this should be the most covered news story in America, provided Kim Kardashian doesn’t get married again or tweets a picture of herself in a bikini.

                Q. Does this mean you’re not going to vote?

                A. No. I’ll be voting. That’s my right as an American. Who I’ll be voting for is a mystery, shrouded in a cloud and if you think you know who I’m voting for, you’re probably wrong. But I've not actually made up my mind about who I’m voting for, unless Kim Kardashian tweets another picture of herself in a bikini.

                Q. What are you trying to prove?

                A. I’m not trying to “prove” anything. I’m trying to take a look at the immediacy in which we want news, and the extent we’ll go to get it. The Presidential election should be a huge story… the biggest in America, and rightfully so. But plenty of non-football fans don’t know who won the Superbowl, and that’s pretty big. If you don’t care about actors then what use are the Oscars? But President? That’s the leader of us. You should know who he is. I’m going to see what I have to do to avoid learning his name for as long as possible.

                Q. What do you think you’ll have to do in order to avoid this?

                A. No Facebook, no radio, no newspapers, no online newspapers, changing my home screen, no phone, no notifications, no Twitter (which means less tweets of Kim Kardashian in a bikini), and basically a change in my lifestyle. Bad Shakespeare itself won’t be given live updates about the news while I’m busy not figuring this out.

                Q. You have a Twitter account?

                A. Yep. It’s not under Bad Shakespeare, and mostly it’s to follow comedians. But that has nothing to do with my point.

                Q. So what do you hope to gain from this?

                A. Hopefully, patience and a better understanding of the way media used to work. Back when media had to take time to reach everyone, there was time for “fact checkers” to work. People took time to figure out what was going on, and double checked… well, everything. They didn’t spew out the first thing on their lips because they wanted to be first, people’s lives be damned. Check out Michael Keaton in The Paper. Basically, that.

                Q. No, really, who are you voting for?

                A. Obviously, Kim Kardashian in a bikini.

Kittens with Katana Blades!

               I have some news to impart on everyone. It’s election season in America. To those of you that I have shocked, I apologize, I know not many of you have known that. (Does this font convey sarcasm? I hope it does.)

                In any regard, at the time of this posting we will be a little over a month away from the merciful end of Election Season. Whereas Football Season ends with a big show and Duck Season ends with some hilarious banter with wabbits and hunters, Election Season ends more name calling and accusations of fraud all around.

                But this is not a post about politics, no, this is a post about social media. You see, we live in a world where we are connected 24/7. If Mitt Romney pets an adorable kitten wielding katana blades or if Barack Obama kisses a baby that has a Hitler mustache, the world knows about it in about fifty seconds and we all start judging what it secretly means for the election. (i.e, Kittens love slashing things with knives! Or babies are bringing back the Hitler mustache!)

                I remember being in a bar four years ago when Barack Obama announced that “Smilin’ Joe Biden” was going to be his running mate. You could sign up for a text message to get the announcement as soon as it came out, so a bunch of people were looking down on their phones and reading what it said. Now this was midnight in a bar in Seattle, which means it was earlier in the morning elsewhere. And later it came out that the campaign announced it because the media released it.

                This got me thinking… do I need to know everything the minute it happened? Would I be worse off if I was sitting in a bar in Seattle, had a few beers with my friends, then got home and saw that Joe Biden was going to be Barack Obama’s running mate? Other than switching the conversation from how the Seahawks were doing that year to this, it changed nothing.

                Thus, I’m announcing the great Bad Shakespeare experiment of 2012. I’m going to see how long I can go without knowing who won the Presidential Election. I’m going to go to bed on Tuesday, November 6^th knowing that Barack Obama is the President of the United States. I’m going to wake up on Wednesday, November 7^th… well knowing that Barack Obama is President, but not knowing if he has a few months, or a few years left on his term.     

                Think about what that means. I will have to turn off notifications on my phone for one. I won’t be able to read any of my favorite news sites like Yahoo, Washington Post, or Cracked. (Ok… maybe the last one.) I won’t even get my morning comics! I won’t be able to listen to the radio (which may not be a bad thing. Like I want I want another fart joke from Elliot in the Morning or listening to Kane try to talk over everything he airs, lest someone forget the sound of his voice) or watch live television. Nothing with a commercial, anyway. (I know… so 20^th Century with the Tivos and the DVRs and whatnot.) The big thing, however, is that because of the way things are set up, I will not be able to update Bad Shakespeare properly until I find out, and the experiment is over.

                It’s not really a political statement. I’m intending this to be an interesting look at social media, and how we interact with it. I’ve chosen the Presidential Election because it is the biggest story in America… everyone should be covering it. With social media, really I should know who wins the election half a second after they call it.

And of course, I’ll be reporting my experiences and findings on a future edition of Bad Shakespeare.