A Modest Proposal for the 2016 Election Season

Apologies to Jonathan Swift.

            Note: If weren’t able to tell from the apology to Jonathan Swift, this is satire. No one really knows what satire is, except that it’s supposed to be funny, but it usually isn’t, but it makes a point. I’m just trying to make my own little point.

            I have a lot of Facebook friends. I don’t say that to boast or brag, and a majority of these friends are actually people that I’ve met, been able to work with, and I know on a personal level. I have a lot of friends with a lot of different opinions, and in these politically charged days, they’re all expressing them on Facebook, a website primarily designed for college students to keep in touch with each other so they didn’t have to pretend that they’d keep in touch, then fall off the face of the Earth like they did back in the old days.

            Hey, I think I realize why it’s called Facebook. (Hey, I warned you satire wasn’t funny.)

            However, with many different people all expressing many different opinions, I get to see all of the arguments. From all of the arguments, I can gather that the Democrats want to gut the Constitution while killing all of the babies, while the Republicans want to gut the constitution while killing everyone else. Like I said, this is just a rounding up of everything I’ve seen, but that’s where we keep moving into all of this hyperbole. Opinions expressed in the form of “you enjoy a different television program than myself” or “my local sports team is way superior to your local sports team by virtue of the fact that I associate myself with them” are perfectly acceptable; encouraged even, but the moment you associate yourself as a “Democrat” or a “Republican” or even “an Independent” suddenly, the friendly rivalry is over, and one man’s name keeps getting brought up.

            Adolf Hitler.

            If we were to listen to all of the hyperbole going on between Democrats and Republicans right now, Adolf Hitler’s policies are more popular today than they were back in 1936. (And, if you’ve picked up a real history book lately, you might realize that his policies were not, in fact, very popular in 1936, it was more along the lines of “things are terrible…  what else should we do?”)

            Yes, Adolf Hitler, the one man that we can really agree on, no matter what your political party, that is a man of pure, unadulterated evil. The one man that when lampooned, no one really has to apologize to anyone for doing so. The one man that is so terrible that once his name is invoked, you know someone has done something epic.

            Or at least that’s the way it used to be. It used to be that Hitler-like comparisons were made to those who actually deserved it. To those who actually suggested detaining people in death camps. But now we throw that term around so much, I’m afraid it’s really starting to lose all meaning. Pass a law you don’t like? They’re like Hitler. Disagree with you politically? Hitler. Once made a pass at you at a party and won’t stop texting you? Hitler. Hitler Hitler Hitler. We’ve turned Hitler into a catch all, to the point that this man’s evil deeds are still horrific, but overshadowed because you didn’t like the President’s new proposed spending cuts.

            While this is satire, I am not kidding. I have seen no less than four articles about how both President Barack Obama and several of the GOP Nominees for President are in fact, Hitler Like. I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that, everyone.  Not everyone is Hitler. I mean, Hitler was Hitler.

            (This is the most I’ve typed Hitler, ever.)

            But you see, we’ve typed out Hitler so many times, the name itself is starting to lose it’s meaning. He’s become a bit of a joke now, while still maintaining to be the standard upon shorthand for evil. So, we need to do something to reconcile this.

            My proposal is that we change this true vision of all evil. To someone more… I don’t’ want to say appropriate. I really hate to think that some of these people might have supporters of their policies, which is why I suggest going way back. I mean all the way back.

            For instance, we could call someone an Elizabeth Bathory. She was a countess who left an impact on history that can only be described as being “The Inspiration for Dracula.” If you’re going to do hyperbole, go big. Your candidate’s policies are so bad, they are literally going to leave young girls in a giant prison, waiting for their blood to be consumed to maintain your candidate’s youth. See? That’s how you do hyperbole.

            Or go a little more international by referring to them as a Maximlien Robespierre!  He was in charge of the French Revolution, which means his favorite pastime involved sticking people’s heads in a machine that was designed for nothing other than removing those heads from the person to which they are attached. Think about it. Swords? Axes? All child’s play compared to a machine that was literally designed for no other purpose than to kill people and ensure they were as frightened as possible during that time. And he loved to put people into it. Young people, old people, children, parents, his friends… didn’t matter. Chop chop as someone making an inappropriate joke about him might say.

            Let’s go even older. Elagabalus. If you want to show… well, not evil, but more whimsically not right, just tell someone that their candidate is like a little Elagabalus. I’ll be real honest, he came up on a list of really evil people, but he was just known for marrying a lot, trading sexual favors for political ones, and using whoopee cushions at parties. I’m not really sure why he showed up on the list. But I guess if you want to show them as ineffective?

            What about Ghengis Khan? He’s an oldie but goodie. Well, oldie but badie. Maybe instead of comparing your least favorite candidate to Hitler, we compare them to the cruel tactics of a guy who tried to take over the world, and punished his enemies swiftly?

            My point being to all of this, in my modest proposal, is that you may not like the candidate that doesn’t represent “your views.” But it seems lately that we don’t even have a buildup before we start comparing them to history’s greatest monster, we simply just throw out there that they’re apparently Hitler. So, if you’re going to do it, then do it right. Throw some culture at people. Compare them to one of history’s other greatest monsters, because when it comes to politics in the U.S. lately, rational talking and research just won’t do, apparently.

Thanksgiving Survival Guide

         Ah, Thanksgiving. While it’s usually ignored as the little blip on the road from Halloween to that big holiday with all the red and green whose name escapes me, it actually is a pretty significant day. It’s not just a mere holiday where we give thanks for all of our blessings for the past year. It’s not simply a ritual sacrifice in which we char the flesh of an animal that has been sacrificed before we pray around it. (Thanks, Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Still a great joke.) No, this is  the big opportunity to get back together with friends and family that you might not have seen for quite some time.

            For those of you in college, this is your opportunity to go back and see everyone again.  Hit up that bar that you always eyed as a high school student. See some old friends that have definitely changed because of that one class they took in Psychology and now they know where you’ve gone wrong your whole life, or maybe that one nerd finally found themself. No matter what the message will be clear: they’ll be miles ahead of where you are, at least at first glance.

            For the rest of us, it means seeing family we haven’t seen in a year as they make their way to the locations that were hard fought for back in May when balancing that ever so careful precipice between “I don’t want to cook” and “I don’t want to travel.” You’ll see great uncles and aunts that were only spoken about in legend, cousins who have decided they are ultra vegans (and make sure you know they are ultra vegans as you go for that third helping of turkey) and grandparents that just want to see their kids get along one last time.

            But, no matter where you are, by now you’ve realized… that it’s election season.

            Yes, election season. We’ll happily speak with those that have different opinions on movies, books, video games, sports teams, music… but throw politics into the mix, and you might as well be declaring yourself a comic book super villain, ready to cast off all the innocents as you devour kittens.

            The bottom line is, this yet another Thanksgiving controversy that you many encounter when dealing with. And how can you navigate through this minefield of gravy, football games, and politics and still make it through having to see these people again in a month on Christmas? (or whichever December themed holiday you’re planning on celebrating?) Fortunately, Bad Shakespeare is here to help, because I’m great like that.

Politics

            Obviously, as the 2016 election began shortly after the results were announced for the 2012 election, ignoring the four years of local and midterm elections, this is a pretty hot topic. Everyone has their opinions on politics, and your family is to be no different, from the die hard Donald Trump supporter uncle to your cousin finishing his third year of college supporting someone named Bernie Sanders who appeared mysteriously when summoned by the mysterious primary elders. Where did he come from? Nobody knows. Rumor has it he’s not really even a real person, but the figurehead of a secret society I just made up.

            How to make sense of all of this? Basically it’s this: We’re about a year away from the election, give or take a Smarch or so. The Democratic Field didn’t really need to whittle it’s way down too much, and it’s Hillary Clinton vs. they Mysterious Wizard Bernie Sanders, and they’ve had a few debates, but Hillary is probably going to win, just like she was probably going to win about this time in 2007. If anyone asks you about Hillary and emails, best to spill gravy on yourself and go change immediately, changing the subject to that funny time when you accidentally spilled gravy on yourself.

            The Republican Party right now roughly resembles the WWE without all of the order, with debates so large that there’s actually a mid-card division fighting for what I assume is the Intercontinental Title. Leading the pack is Donald Trump, or Ben Carson, or whoever the news is telling us is leading the pack. The truth is, I don’t know really know what’s going on with the Republican Party at this point, and I’m too afraid to ask. If anyone mentions anything about it, simply nod, smile, and talk about that time you spilled gravy on yourself.

Black Friday

            Over the past few years, the concept of stampeding into a store when it opens like wild animals the day after we give thanks for everything we have has become… well, depending on who you ask, either a big problem or something we should push even earlier so we start our Christmas Shopping sometime around January 5^th of the pervious year. I know: it’s amazing: we refer to something as a doorbuster than we’re shocked when people actually bust down the door.

            For those of you who don’t know, Black Friday is the day when stores release their sales in hopes of making a profit for those people who haven’t heard of “the internet” or the fact that you actually get your best deals on December 24^th, when people are trying to dump merchandise.

            If you have a family that will be going out shopping a few minutes after finishing that last helping of pie, send them on their way.  Pack them up a lunch, and hope that the odds are ever in their favor.

            If you have a family member that points out the absurdity of the store opening on Thanksgiving while they’re in a reclining chair, watching Football and forgetting that there are hundreds of people not with their family but cleaning stadiums as they watch their sport, don’t engage. It’s a trap. Smile and nod, smile and nod. Remember, this is football, and it’s their tradition, and since it’s their tradition, it’s great, while everyone other tradition is stupid.

Meat free vs. Meat

            For those of you who don’t know, processed meats have entered the most recent list of things that will kill you immediately upon looking at it, according to the World Health Organization. Your nephew that is currently a level 24 vegan, has read this article and memorized every word. Every. Last. Word. And they will let you know, but just when you’re preparing the turkey, then when you’re cooking the turkey, and later when you’re eating the turkey. There’s no escape from this. I promise you. I’d like to pretend that there’s a way out, but there isn’t.

            The important thing to remember is that you’re with family, and after the third beer or third glass of wine you should be more that suited to listen to whatever report currently says that all meat is going to kill you before digging into that sweet, sweet, bird. Keep it nice and juicy, too. Mmmmmm… Turkey…

The Rest

            There are plenty of other controversies that are probably going to come up. Climate Change. Terrorism. Free Speech. Immigration. Common Core. What you’re going to do with your life once you graduate from college. All hot button issues that are best reserved for when a carving knife is within reach. But the important thing to remember is that you’re spending time with family.  The people you’re so blessed with that you just have to stay away from the most of the year.

            Basically I’m saying it’s one day. You can do this. I believe in you.

            Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Book Report 52 Project: The Global War on Morris

They say you should never judge a book by its cover. “They” whoever the nebulous “they” are can say that all they want, but at the end of the day you’re going to look at the cover and if it’s really appealing, you're going to go out and buy it. It’s just that simple. I’ve done it. You’ve done it. The person sitting next to you has done it. Which is why I wasn’t surprised when, on a cold day in December, I drifted over to a book called The Global War on Morris by Steve Israel. (Yes, the sitting congressman. No, I didn’t realize it at the time. No, still not really pushing my politics on anyone.)  I read the back and was immediately hooked.

The Global War on Morris is a book about… well, a global war. On Morris. If only it were that simple. The book is about a married, bored, pharmaceutical sales representative that gets wrapped up in a web of terrorism, late night hotel room visits, baseball, and a very angry computer named NICK. Morris doesn’t want a lot out of life, he wants to get home, watch baseball, order some Chinese food, and sit lifelessly on the couch with his wife. He does’t want to make waves. Ok, so occasionally he wants to flirt with the pretty receptionist at one of the offices he frequents. This flirtation eventually leads to Morris being on everyones radar, getting wrapped up in a terrorist conspiracy involving a terrorist cell in Florida, and eventually catching the eye of NICK and Vice President Cheney.

Yeah. It’s that kind of novel. 

The first thing that struck me about the book is just how funny it was. Even the scenes of Morris, sitting at home trying to watch the Mets, were full of fun, little observations. And a book that includes a terrorist cell has some deft writing to do if it’s going to be really enjoyable. A nice touch points out that weary terrorist Hassan will kill the American infidels, but until then, he will keep them dry has he works from his towel shack in a fancy hotel. 

The plotting in this novel also works a very interesting act as well. I’ve mentioned many times that yes, Morris is a man that doesn’t like to make waves. That would seem to keep him far away from the terror watch list… after all, what kind of man who’s life’s greatest ambition is to stay below the radar would end with him gathering the attention of one of the funniest, and sadly underused character in the novel, supercomputer NICK? The plot requires a series of connections, some of them very thin, but believable. For instance, NICK first notices Morris because of his illicit flirtings (and maybe a bit more) with cute receptionist, who had previously been on a date with a known drug smuggler. NICK puts these together, “pings” Morris, who is then pinged again when his daughter is arrested, etc. These connections are weaved very well, and it’s interesting to see how they are all pulled off. 

Sadly, though, that leads to the most glaring disappointment of this novel, the ending. I’m going to keep it spoiler-free, mostly because the ending is interesting at least, but all of the comedy, deft plotting, and all around fun of the novel is quickly sucked out when Morris is finally caught up to by various agencies that are out to get him. One of the funnier recurring gags are the sheer number of agencies just not talking to each other, and the resulting chaos. But it is almost as if Israel wanted to rush through the ending, rather than taking time to wrap up these stories. 

I was also saddened to see NICK, the computer, be used so little by the end of it. A great concept - chapters are written as NICK is given information, making little observations here and there, and then suddenly, NICK just goes away. 

Israel also uses a large amount of his experience on the hill to take shots at Former Vice President Cheney and George W. Bush. I felt overall these scenes were a bit “meh” and about 5 years too late. There was some comedy to be mined from all of this (and some of the Cheney scenes were actually really funny) but more could have been done to preserve the comedy that had been built up until these moments brought the book to a grinding halt. Overall not terrible, just wildly out of place in 2015. (the book was published in 2014. I’m not THAT behind in my book reading. Ok, I am.)

None of this should take away from the fact that the book is genuinely funny, and difficult to put down. I read it in almost one sitting, actually laughing out loud at a lot of parts. Again, Israel throws a lot of stuff into the little details, such as agency incompetence or just the fact that we don’t know who we are dealing with at all times. Overall, it’s an interesting experience. I may have to go back and read the book again, just so I can pick up on all the little details stuffed into its pages. 

Kittens with Katana Blades!

               I have some news to impart on everyone. It’s election season in America. To those of you that I have shocked, I apologize, I know not many of you have known that. (Does this font convey sarcasm? I hope it does.)

                In any regard, at the time of this posting we will be a little over a month away from the merciful end of Election Season. Whereas Football Season ends with a big show and Duck Season ends with some hilarious banter with wabbits and hunters, Election Season ends more name calling and accusations of fraud all around.

                But this is not a post about politics, no, this is a post about social media. You see, we live in a world where we are connected 24/7. If Mitt Romney pets an adorable kitten wielding katana blades or if Barack Obama kisses a baby that has a Hitler mustache, the world knows about it in about fifty seconds and we all start judging what it secretly means for the election. (i.e, Kittens love slashing things with knives! Or babies are bringing back the Hitler mustache!)

                I remember being in a bar four years ago when Barack Obama announced that “Smilin’ Joe Biden” was going to be his running mate. You could sign up for a text message to get the announcement as soon as it came out, so a bunch of people were looking down on their phones and reading what it said. Now this was midnight in a bar in Seattle, which means it was earlier in the morning elsewhere. And later it came out that the campaign announced it because the media released it.

                This got me thinking… do I need to know everything the minute it happened? Would I be worse off if I was sitting in a bar in Seattle, had a few beers with my friends, then got home and saw that Joe Biden was going to be Barack Obama’s running mate? Other than switching the conversation from how the Seahawks were doing that year to this, it changed nothing.

                Thus, I’m announcing the great Bad Shakespeare experiment of 2012. I’m going to see how long I can go without knowing who won the Presidential Election. I’m going to go to bed on Tuesday, November 6^th knowing that Barack Obama is the President of the United States. I’m going to wake up on Wednesday, November 7^th… well knowing that Barack Obama is President, but not knowing if he has a few months, or a few years left on his term.     

                Think about what that means. I will have to turn off notifications on my phone for one. I won’t be able to read any of my favorite news sites like Yahoo, Washington Post, or Cracked. (Ok… maybe the last one.) I won’t even get my morning comics! I won’t be able to listen to the radio (which may not be a bad thing. Like I want I want another fart joke from Elliot in the Morning or listening to Kane try to talk over everything he airs, lest someone forget the sound of his voice) or watch live television. Nothing with a commercial, anyway. (I know… so 20^th Century with the Tivos and the DVRs and whatnot.) The big thing, however, is that because of the way things are set up, I will not be able to update Bad Shakespeare properly until I find out, and the experiment is over.

                It’s not really a political statement. I’m intending this to be an interesting look at social media, and how we interact with it. I’ve chosen the Presidential Election because it is the biggest story in America… everyone should be covering it. With social media, really I should know who wins the election half a second after they call it.

And of course, I’ll be reporting my experiences and findings on a future edition of Bad Shakespeare.

I Enjoy Parties, But I Never Can Pick the Right One

               I was all set to do a full length feature post on a new law in Missouri where students can now refuse any assignments that conflict with their religion. Oh, the fun I was going to have, suggesting that I was going to head to Missouri and start a new religion that rejects your barbaric notions of “Algebra” and baptisms into said religion would cost oh, let’s say, $100. Then I realized that this would have been my third post on something political in the space of a month. (I’m not counting the Rush Limbaugh thing. That was me making fun of someone who said something stupid, his politics had nothing to do with it.)

                The sad thing is, I really don’t intend for this to become a political blog. It’s my blog on my journey to be a teacher, as well as some of my comedy. But the thing is, I will forever comment on anything I see going on in education that disturbs me, because that’s why I’m going into education… to make a difference. Not just on the kids, but because I’m tired of seeing how the education system is run lately. And I carefully consider my options: I can sit on the outside and complain, or I can get in there, make some enemies and do something about it. But that introduces the sad thing into this blog… politics has gotten too intertwined with education.

                All due respect to Mitt Romney and Barack Obama our two leading candidates to run this country, they have not spent any time in the classroom beyond their school years, and any parent-teacher conferences that I'm sure are pretty horrifying for teachers. (I don't care who you are, once the men in the sunglasses and suits show up, it's time to be a little nervous.)Hey, there’s no shame in that. That’s like, 90% of everyone, right? I’m not calling them out on that. I’m calling out them, and any other politician that claims to know the first thing about teaching. Hey, I know very little about defense spending, taxes, or setting up Congressional Toga Party Wednesdays, so I stay out of those areas. (Do only the committee chairmen get to wear the laurels? Does everyone don a white toga, or is there one sad senator that has to use the Star Wars bedsheets? It's very complicated.)

                But education has to be separated from politics. Politicians don't know about how children need to be educated. They can only pander to a vocal group of people that are serving their own agenda, whatever that may be.  The idea should be this: We train the next generation as best we can, because they are the ones taking care of us. I want the doctor that replaces my heart after the Robot-Human war to be fully trained (and 100% human. I just don’t trust them after they rose up and took over Canada.) and be versed in all things medical. We want the next generation to know MORE than us. And none of that involves politicians or politics. Politics shouldn't create a barrier to that because someone "disagrees" with something being taught. (Yes, I know some  of you are saying "but teachers make political statements all the time!". But if your argument is “but teachers do it, so why can’t politicians do it back to them?” then I direct you back to second grade, when your parents or a teacher should have taught you that was not a valid argument.)

                One of the most painful moments in my recent history was watching the ongoing saga of the Unions in Wisconsin. Again, I don’t know enough to know what all of the issues are with that. It was explained to me, but I just don’t know… my brain doesn’t work like that (No one would explain it to me in Star Wars terms). But I got to watch as teachers got called lazy, uneducated, people who just wanted to brainwash students and take lavish three month vacations during the summer (you know how all teachers take their teacher money and head to their third homes on the coast after a year of telling students all about "history" or "science")… all by politicians who were trying to demonize the teachers union. That was harsh for me, particularly as some family members chose to take the side of those calling teachers evil, useless, or just in general a waste of a profession. Usually by writing it down, not noting the irony in that. It made me feel exceptionally unimportant. It still does. It's one of the harder things I've had to get over when I decided to become a teacher. But mostly, it made me angry. 

I don’t care about politics. I care about William Shakespeare. I care about Neil Gaiman. I care Dave Barry. I care about Jane Austen. I care about passing my love for literature onto the next generation, and hopefully letting them think for themselves. I don’t want to be mired in the politics of teaching that Banquo may or may not have been a ghost (because ghosts aren't real!) or being demonized because I taught a book that some politician hasn’t picked up in sixty years had a bad experience with and decided that no one else should learn it. (Yes, Congressman from New York… we know you got a C plus on that paper about Brave New World. I don’t think that’s grounds for having all the copies destroyed.) The fact is, that I should be able to do a million posts about all the education stories around the country and never once mention "Democrat" or "Republican" or "Green Party." (Just kidding. No one talks about the Green Party.)

                So, back to my original point: Politicians need to stay out of education. No, we don’t need a law in Missouri saying kids can refuse assignments based on religious grounds. (I suspect that anyone refusing to do a project on evolution may not be barred from playing sports on Sunday, as mentioned in their religion.) Let’s not rewrite history books in Texas because you disapprove of Thomas Jefferson’s writings and teachings. Let’s not demonize teachers by misrepresenting them. Let's not pull funding from failing schools and hurt them further.   Let’s not demonize students for wanting to go into higher education and learn something.

                This turned a lot more soapboxy than I intended. I will not apologize for that. This isn’t as funny as some of my other posts. I will go back to comedy soon, and yes, some of it will go back to blasting stupid things said by stupid politicians trying to score political points with people who disagree with something their kids are learning. But it will be education based, because that's what I understand. That's what I am learning.  I want what's best for students.

               

Instead of Asking "What If" I ask "Why If"

               Once again, disclaimer: I do not know squat about politics, other than the news says that the one guy is running against the other guy, and although there are other guys running no one pays attention to them. I’m a guy who comments on things he sees. Last time it was a well-known Republican and a comic book. Today it’s musings brought about a well-known Democrat and education. I give my opinion. Don’t like’em… there are still plenty of evil robot jokes. You’ll like those, unless you’re an evil robot, in which case I await to serve you my liege. So, here we go…

                A couple of weeks ago President Barack Obama unveiled his “STEM Master Teacher Corps” which sounds like a really bad movie starring Tommy Lee Jones as a retired Drill Sergeant who becomes a teacher to turn kid’s lives around. But in the end, they end up touching his heart just as much as they touch his. (I like Tommy Lee Jones, I just don’t think this is a good career move. Call me and we’ll discuss.)

                Moving on.

                “The STEM Master Teacher Corps” is an elite group of teachers (I’m being serious, this is in the official description) that would work to boost U.S. student’s worldwide performance in Engineering, Math, Science, and Technology. The plan calls for the hiring of more teachers, especially in Math and Science.  (For those who can’t tell “STEM” stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math.)

                This is where a lot of you are going, “yay? I guess? What’s your point? Aren't you always going on about teaching... Isn’t this a good thing?”

                Well, yes, the idea of anyone deciding that teaching is important is a good thing. But pay close attention to the title of this blog, and then pay attention to the emphasis on who he was going to hire. I’ll let it come to for a minute… and there it is. More Math and Science. This blog is called “Bad Shakespeare.” I’m studying to enter the cutthroat world of English teaching. That begs a BIG Bad Shakespearean Question: “Why then, are you studying English? What’s the importance of the arts if even as the President has decided that we are going focus on getting kids some education, we will be starting with science, math, and notably not English or the Arts?

                See, I had mentioned way back at the start of this blog that someone made a sarcastic comment regarding the fact that I was studying to be an English Teacher. Yeah, that wasn’t the first or last one, but while some are focused on the “teacher” part, others are focused on the “English” part. Some people feel that teaching English isn’t important beyond the simple reading and writing aspect of it. As soon as you get done with that part, it’s important to focus on the “real world” stuff, which doesn’t include the arts or Shakespeare.

                But that robs kids of something fundamentally important. Teaching the English isn’t just about showing them how to spell a word or correctly map a sentence, most of which can be done with a computer. It’s this good now, I can’t wait to see how well it’s done when my kids are in school. (Where they’ll all be monitored by robots, anyway.)Teaching English is about teaching something inside of us. It’s learning that each one of these words has its own little personality, and it’s up to you to figure how they should fit together. It’s taking a look at the bigger issues, like who we are as people, and boiling them down into bite sized chunks called “books” or “plays” or in some rare cases, “movies.” (For example Die Hard. That’s right, we’re all John McClane facing down our own Hans Gruber.)

                Humanity has always sought to create worlds bigger than just the stars and the moon or designing the next “wheel.” It’s seeing a beautiful sky and being so moved to tears that you want to write a book or paint a picture, not just being able to break it down to a chemical reaction and saying “that’s why it’s orange.” And none of this is saying these things aren’t important. They’re very important. But why do they have to be mutually exclusive?

                None of this is meant to knock down scientists who are very good at what they do, and are artists in their own way. I mean, I’m sure it was some kind of scientist who invented a way for us to get the McRib so quickly, so I guess they’re not all bad. It’s just that when it comes down to emphasizing a subject, English tends to get lost in the mix. History sometimes, too, but I’m not studying to be a History teacher history is boring that can go away. (I’m kidding. History isn’t boring, but it’s not as thrown away as easily as English and a study of the arts.) But once you leave out things like English and the Arts, you start to leave out critical thinking. You leave out that age old question that humans have been asking since the dawn of time "Why?"

                English helps us look at the world in a unique way. It’s also a uniquely human thing. All animals focus on science, math, or technology… whether it’s elephants figuring out a herd, or a lion thinking of a better way to take down an elephant… but have you ever heard lion poetry (which admittedly would be kind of cool)? Or an elephant try to figure how why he’s here? So, focusing solely on the “important subjects” can take away that uniqueness that makes us human. Then what are you left with? You’re left with robots that can add and subtract, but can do little to tell you the point of it.

World Domination: "Directed" by Christopher Nolan

           Programming note: I don’t know a lot about politics. I don’t know enough to endorse one candidate over the other. I’m simply a person who sees silly things happen, and enjoys commenting on them. This week, a conservative radio host said something I personally felt was stupid relating to comic books, so I’m going to comment on it. If you’re offended, don’t worry, jokes about robot invasions and squirrel armies are coming up. Hopefully, you just enjoy this for what it is: a good old fashioned attempt to write my blog about a popular subject in the hopes that search engines will find it easier.

Earlier this week noted marriage enthusiast and right-wing radio shouter Rush Limbaugh complained that the upcoming Dark Knight Rises contains a hidden message to voters against candidate Mitt Romney. Apparently Candidate Romney was involved in something about “Bain Capital” which I don’t understand enough to judge, and the villain of the movie is named “Bane”. So naturally Mr. Limbaugh believes that movie written three years ago about a fictional character created almost 20 years ago has something to do with politics today. However, his rant makes me sad for a number of reasons that are not linked in any way, shape or form to politics.

                1. It makes me sad as a comic book fan. Bane was created in 1993 to capitalize on the “Death of Superman” storyline by having something tragic happen to Batman. In this case, Batman was going to face against someone as smart as him, so the writers at the time came up with this hulking mass of a man who was addicted to a strength enhancing drug called “Venom”. It actually launched an interesting storyline about what it means to be the caped crusader as Batman was replaced by an insane man that liked to hurt people, which was a departure from the regular character who dresses up like a bat. But this was almost 20 years ago. Candidate Romney didn’t exist in that form back then. So unless the Batman writers back then: Graham Nolan, Chuck Dixon, and Doug Moench used their physic powers to predict a major point in the 2012 Presidential election and not to say, win the lottery, this is a moot point.

                This isn’t even the first movie appearance of Bane. He was also in Batman and Robin. Technically this wasn't a real Batman movie. Or it was, but no one wants to talk about it.

                2. It makes me sad as someone that wants to teach the English Language to people. First, Bain and Bane aren’t spelled the same, although they sound alike, I guess.  The word bane means “death, destruction, etc.” It’s actually a very old word that literally used to mean “murderer” in its earliest appearances terrorizing young English children. (This is opposed to its current form terrorizing young American children, because it’s also a fun SAT word.)

“Bane” is an awesome name for a supervillain because it gives the idea that he is the “bane of the superhero’s existence.” Quite frankly, I’m disappointed that it took until 1993 for a major villain to be named “Bane” in the first place. People underestimate how difficult it is to name a good supervillain. All of the really cool names are already taken. Even the cool sounding regular names like “Lex Luthor”.

                3. It makes me sad as a fan of someone who is afraid of supervillains in general. Not the fake ones like Bane in The Dark Knight Rises, but its director: Christopher Nolan. Because if Mr. Limbaugh is correct, Christopher Nolan has access to a working time machine, went back in time, told the writers of the Batman comic in 1993 to name their character Bane so he could write a movie that could potentially harm a future presidential candidate.

Now, Christopher Nolan also won praise for his previous Batman movies, especially for how he wrote the Joker. How does he know superheroes and supervillains so well? It must be because CHRISTOPHER NOLAN IS A SUPERVILLAIN! Access to a working time machine, tons of money, quieting the masses with his movies, knowledge of the superhero mind… it’s all a perfect fit.

                Remember, I’m the only blogger brave enough to discuss with you the growing Christopher Nolan menace. When he is sitting behind his desk, stroking his white cat as his minions count the profits from his latest movie, it's only World Domination the man has on his mind.

               Of course, our other option is that everything is just a coincidence, and this Batman movie used the character of Bane because Christopher Nolan wanted a cool villain for his supposed last movie in this trilogy. Just throwing that last part out there.