Tom Cruise Fails. Repeatedly. But It's Ok, Simon Pegg Saves Him.

Dun duh duh duh duh dun dun dun dun duh duh nananaaaaa nananaaa nanananaaa.. NA NA!

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (named so you don’t have to see Mission Impossible 4, and therefor know it’s the fourth part and thus realize that Tom Cruise is old) is a movie built on failure. For most of the movie, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise’s) IMF Team, is mostly an annoyance to the bad guys. Through careful planning, they manage to facilitate the exchange of diamonds for Russian Launch Codes, be in the wrong place at the wrong time to convince people that the IMF force were the bad guys to begin with, and then the whole thing of course ends with them letting the missile launch. It’s really just at the last minute that they finally save the day.

Side note: I’d like them to remake these movies with Samuel L. Jackson. Then they could call it the BMF force. Look, I’ve been watching movies all day. I’m a little punchy.

Of course, none of this is our boy Simon’s fault. No, I place the blame on Tom Cruise. Mostly because I can. And he’s the leader. And a good leader takes responsibility when he’s out climbing the world’s tallest building for no real reason other than to show off the cool spy gloves that should be in a James Bond movie. But you wouldn’t get Daniel Craig climbing the world’s tallest building just because it was there.

It is nice to see Simon not just relegated to the roll of comic relief, though, even with this movie starring Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise’s love interest, the guy who’s going to replace Tom Cruise eventually, and Simon Pegg. I mean, most of the comedy comes from him, but he plays a pivotal roll on the team. He gets to enter Nicolas Angel mode and really kick some Russian Terrorist Butt. (fortunately, this movie returns the Russians to the role of the bad guys. FINALLY.)

Bad Shakespeare Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol Approved Snack: Spaghetti Tacos. Because they’re Tom Cruise Crazy.

Our Final Movie for the Thanks Mum, A Very Simon Pegg July 4th Movie Marathon: We take a little trek through the stars in our least Simon Peggiest movie of the day.

Shaun Manages to Shamble is Way into Your Heart

Zombies are in right now. There’s zombie TV shows, all types of zombie movies, including a zombie romance, zombie books... it kind of makes me wonder what type of movie Shaun of the Dead would have been had it come out today as opposed in the ye olde days of 2004 (back before iphones and facebook, back when we were forced to talk to each other in person like animals) when the whole Zombie craze was just newly bitten and had not yet shambled its way into America’s heart the way it has today.

I’ve always enjoyed Shaun of the Dead, not just for the spot on way it manages to skewer zombie movies while crafting a genuinely scary one. Not even because it’s probably the way I’d react during a zombie invasion. Probably because it’s one of the best depictions of what it’s like to be aimless, trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. 

Let’s talk about the two best scenes from the movie.  I know they’ve been discussed and discussed, but come on... this is my blog, I get to talk about it. The first one, of course, is the scene where Shaun walks through is day, unaware that all hell has broken loose and zombies are now everywhere. It’s a hilarious take on somehow we just don’t take the time to see what is going on to pay attention to what is going on around us. Yes. It’s pretty obvious. But Simon Pegg plays it off well, probably a little better than anyone should have. Love it.

The other one, and this is one of my favorite scenes of any movie, ever. It’s in the middle of the movie when Shaun and his group encounters his friend and her group. Yeah, it’s an easily telegraphed joke... but it’s one that people don’t think about. In World War Z, one of the things Max Brooks (I can’t emphasize enough.. Mel Brooks’ son) points out is the “Last Man on Earth” Syndrome, where a group of people assumed they were the only survivors of the zombie invasion. I loved seeing this played out by encountering another group randomly like that. (Plus the fact that the show up again at the end...)

Overall, Simon Pegg’s true Simon Pegg-ness is on display in this movie as an aimless dude just trying to figure it all out, and the last thing he needs is this pesky Zombie attack going on.

Shaun of the Dead Bad Shakespeare approved meal: Pub Burger with Fries... after a pint we’ll just wait for this whole spot of business to blow over.

Up Next: Simon Pegg trades in Nick Frost for Tom Cruise, to save the world, and take part in a mission that might not be quite possible.

Who's Adam Shadowchild?

Aliens, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Nerd References Galore! Paul is not an official part of the “Three Flavours” Trilogy (that wraps up this month with At World’s End. There’s a a 90% chance I’ll be in line to watch that. I don’t know. I’m watching a lot of Simon Pegg today. For you. The reader. You’re welcome.) but it’s an enjoyable look at what would happen if aliens made it to Earth, smoked a punch of pot, and then hung out with science fiction fans in a road trip across the midwest. Which is plausible, right? Aliens are going to come down, sound like Seth Rogen, and just hang out with the nerds. I hope.

Think E.T. by way of Pineapple Express. (Which is lazy, since Seth Rogen is in both. But I’m writing a lot of these today. I’m going to be lazy.)

I enjoyed this movie, which was written by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost without the aid of Edgar Wright. I haven’t seen it as much as I have his other works, and there’s just something that’s missing something. Maybe it is that Edgar Wrightness that Hot Fuzz had.  The jerk needs to just get started with his Ant-Man movie. Who knows? But it’s an enjoyable movie, and it’s rewatchable for the millions of different references to other sci-fi movies. I will ALWAYS laugh when Jason Bateman shoots his radio and says, “It was a boring conversation, anyway”. (I’m not telling you where that’s from. you should know.)

Great movie. Laugh out loud great, and again, you have the idea that the writers re-watched a ton of science fiction movies to get the little moments right.There’s a lot to love about Paul. As usual, Simon Pegg is hilarious, and of course he’s entrenched with Nick Frost in a pairing that just feels right. They obviously enjoy hanging out, and I’m sure even home movies of the two of them watching football (or soccer) are probably just as amusing. Sometimes it gets to the point that you want Seth Rogen to go away so you can just watch the two of them hang out for a little bit. Not that I have anything against Seth Rogen. I don’t want him to sic James Franco on me. I feel the two of them could take me.

But Nick Frost and Simon Pegg: I’d like to grab a beer with them. Or a pint down at the local pub. That last part’s funnier if you say it in a British Accent. Also if Aliens are attacking, like in that new movie they have coming out.

I have to say, re-watching movies for this marathon is fun, but it’s a lot different than the AMC Oscar Movie Showcase, largely featuring movies I hadn’t seen. Also there’s the sense of control that’s different, as 1) I get to go at my own pace and 2) I got to pick the movies, which means that, for instance, I won’t be forced to sit through a movie that features an old French Woman dying for two hours. Although, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in a parody of Oscar Baiting movies. Someone get me Edgar Wright!

Paul Bad Shakespeare approved snack: Reese’s Pieces. Duh.

Next up: Lunch.

Then the one that started my love affair with Simon Pegg as he saves England, or at least his girlfriend, mother, and best friend, as they head down to a local pub to ride out the zombie apocalypse. 

James Bond is an Evil Grocer

There are two kinds of parody movies. There’s the kind where the writers wanted to churn out a pop-culture spewing loosely connected group of scenes into a movie that’s outdated by the second weekend of release, then there’s the Mel Brooks type where the writers and actors clearly watched every single movie in the genre and crafted a movie that could stand on it’s own, but manages to make fun of every trope, every cliche, every little moment that has even the most stoney faced serious guy laughing.

Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost manage to do the latter, every time with hilarious results. Seriously, I have most of the movie memorized, but I still laugh every time, usually at something new.

Hot Fuzz (the second movie in their loosely connected Three Flavours of Cornetto Trilogy) is the loving homage to buddy cop action movies. It’s about a hotshot police officer who is sent to the tiny town of Sanford, where the crime rate is low and the accident rate is high, and of course he manages to find trouble, blah, blah, blah action and everything ends in a shootout, as any great action movie does. (The only real disappointment is that no one falls slow motion off a building, Hans Grueber style.)

You can tell from the first five minutes that Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright have obviously watched all the action movies to prepare for this. Pegg plays his part extremely straight, never really winking to the camera to remind everyone that his is all comedy. Nick Frost does the heavy comedy lifting as his action-movie afficionado partner. (And I've been told I look like him.)

I love this movie. I must have seen if a million and a half times, (I guess this makes a million and a half and one). I love it because it does pay close attention to action movies and makes “fun” of them without really making fun of them. (See also: Hollywood Homicide and Cop Out.) They pay loving attention to them, and like any loving relationship you can laugh at their mistakes without being mean about it. So when Nicolas and Danny dive through the air whilst firing two handguns at the same time (and missing every shot) it’s funny AND it pays homage to movies that have done it in the past. 

Plus, name another action movie that would hide two of its biggest named cameos in ridiculous ways?

        Absolutely fantastic way to kick off this marathon!

Hot Fuzz Bad Shakespeare Approved Meal: It’s a Buddy Cop Movie. So, naturally, Bacon and Donuts.

Next Up: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost stretch their acting muscles by playing a couple of nerds pursued by Michael Bluth and a bunch of Saturday Night Live Alum along with a CGI Seth Rogen!

Thanks, Mum: A Very Simon Pegg July 4th

Ladies and Gentlemen... welcome to the first ever Bad Shakespeare Holiday inspired movie marathon! Back in February we did the AMC Oscar movie marathon and we had so much fun I wanted to do something else like that, and given that I didn’t have any other July 4th plans this seemed like a great idea. Or at least a serviceable one. So here we go: Thanks, Mum... a Simon Pegg Fourth of July Movie Marathon!

Some people have asked: Why Simon Pegg? Why a very famous British Actor on this, America’s Special Day? Well, for one, it’s been well over 200 years since the whole war business. I think it’s time for the healing to have ended. I mean, look how many people were obsessed with the Royal Wedding. And the Royal Baby. Meanwhile America’s Royalest Birth involved a baby born to an amateur porn star/attention whore and a mediocre rapper with a God Complex. So, there’s that.

Also, if my intention was to pick someone so British he overshadowed the holiday I’d have picked Benedict Cumberbatch. Seriously, in four years he’s going to be elected king and the flag is going to be replaced with just a picture of his face. Hopefully in his Sherlock trench coat. I can dream...

Anyway, I picked Simon Pegg because in addition to having a new movie come out at the end of this month, being an amazing writer and actor, he is a professional nerd, and we know that nerds are extremely welcome here at ol’ Bad Shakespeare. So, it’s all in good fun that we put on some of my favorite of his works, we watch them, then I write up a little something about then at the end.

Oh, originally I was going to pair this with some kind of meal, unfortunately, I’ve been knocked down with an illness most of the week. (But I got up again. Ain’t nothing going to keep me down.) Thusly, at the end of each post I’ll make a brief mention of what I was probably going to make, but with less emphasis on it as I recover.

So, let’s get ready to have some fun! The schedule is very, very, very loose, and was picked on the basis of the foods we’d be having. The schedule is this:

1. Hot Fuzz
2. Paul
3. Shaun of the Dead
4. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
5. Star Trek

Let's get this party started!

The Book is Better Unless it Stars Brad Pitt

Last Thursday I went to go see Brad Pitt save everyone from zombies with his sheer Brad-Pittness in an adaptation of the classic book World War Z. Now, I was warned walking in that this was not my father’s World War Z. Which was interesting, since the book came out in 2006. So while I credit my dad with introducing me to a ton of books, mostly Stephen King, this wasn’t one of them. I think I introduced him to it. 

Moving on.

In any event, this took the central idea of the book... zombies... and the title... World War Z... then threw out the plot, structure, characters, and zombie type. Instead of slow moving Romero-type zombies, here we got fast moving, Rage-like zombies. For those not familiar with the zombie literature and fiction, there are two types of zombies: those that are undead and move slowly, like in a George Romero film or in The Walking Dead, or fast moving zombies that are people infected with a plague such as in 28 Days Later or some of your more recent adaptations. The debate over which one is “right” has been going on for years and caused fan divides not seen since the early, dark days of Babylon 5 vs. Deep Space Nine, or Star Trek vs. Star Wars back before J.J. Abrahms was able to unite us all in harmony.

I’m a big fan of World War Z, the book, not because it was recommended to me by all my purist, intelligent, Romero-Style Zombie loving friends. The structure was interesting, and rather than focusing on a single outbreak and a single group of survivors holed up in a prison, shopping mall, or whatever, it took the idea that after the war Mel Brooks’ son (No, seriously) would travel around the world chronicling the zombie invasion, and how it ended up changing the world. It was a novel approach, different ideas were introduced, some good (Zombies froze in the winter), some bad (bombs were useless against zombie because I guess the undead have super-brains that can’t be damaged. I guess Max Brooks never took a moment to look up what a Traumatic Brain Injury was.) 

World War Z, the book, would have made a horrible, horrible movie. 

Think of it this way: Take everything you love about your favorite movie. Now take that away, and instead of, say, John McClane pulling a gun off his back, shooting at Hans Gruber then throwing him out the window, you got to hear a historian describe it, and maybe some “home-made” footage or something that was meant to be a reenactment. That’s a lot of what World War Z the book movie would have been, a lot of historians talking about the zombies, maybe a few scenes with zombies, but the people talking to either 1) made it out alive because they were talking to you or 2) weren’t really part of the story until afterwards when they got their Zombie Science Degrees from Brad Pitt University.

Works great as a book, in book form. But as a movie, a lot of people would be sitting there, waiting for the zombies to just attack already, and stop the zany music. Plus the time a book takes to develop into a great story would be cut down to two hours, it would just feel like four because we’d cut to a talking head every time a good zombie attack would start.

The movie itself was pretty decent. While I joke about the plot and stuff, it did manage to keep the “Zombie invasion on a global scale” part pretty accurate, and it wasn’t like Brad Pitt was running around trying to save the day just in his hometown or the hometown he was visiting and reuniting with his long lost love while fighting zombies. (Movie idea: Brad Pitt is stuck in a town and has to reunite with his high school girlfriend while fighting zombies.) He really was travelling the world to see how different people were fighting the upcoming zombie attacks. Also, it didn’t try to be cool like some movies and dance around the fact that these were zombies. The word “Zombie” is spoken about 20 minutes in.

While I’ve spent most of my time on World War Z, this is a larger literary problem: Book vs Film. I’d rank that one up there even greater than the Babylon 5 vs. Deep Space Nine debate. (That debate boils down to this: Sorry us Niners got to watch a show with decent special effects, and don’t have to tell people to power through a crappy first season, Babylon 5 people.) The thing is, books and movies are very different mediums. Yeah, they can share a lot, but the second you take that book out of a readers hands, you start to lose something that can’t be up on the screen. Or if you’ve read the movie first, you start to put something on paper that is directly influenced by the movie.

Let’s take one of my favorite books, Empire Falls by Richard Russo. (I’ve been at this for a year and a half and I haven’t mentioned Empire Falls. That’s not good.) A few years back, HBO made Empire Falls into a movie. I was skeptical but I thought, “hey... I’ll watch it.” Then I remember the first bit of casting news were Ed Harris and Helen Hunt. They were so far beyond the characters in my head that I almost abandoned the prospect. Then they got to another one, Philip Seymour Hoffman for the town’s mysterious rich guy who built a house, fought a dead moose, and had an affair with Ed Harris’ mother. (Spoilers for an old book that was turned into a movie almost 8 years ago.) Then I got to thinking... that was perfect. If I was making a movie of the book, that’s the character I saw in my head! Now, the rest of the movie is debatable, but that one little win allowed me to watch it in an interesting and different fashion. It didn’t take away from the book for me, but this one casting thing caused a connection that allowed me to associate the two, but treat them as different entities. 

Let’s take another famous adaptation: The Hunger Games. A large driving force of Hunger Games: The Novel is the fact that most of it happens with Katiniss’ internal monologue going on in her head. The movie loses all of that. Now, I enjoyed Hunger Games: The movie, for different reasons, mostly the interesting debate of how a novel that is largely a critique on exploiting children by putting them in violent situations is made into a movie that exploits children by putting them into violent situations. But that’s another post. The bottom line is I’m able to separate the two, and enjoy the two for what they are. I think that’s important when reading any book vs. film adaption. 

I could go on. The debate rages on and has raged on probably since the first time an ancient Greek scroll was adapted for the big stage with a chorus. (I believe it was the Adventures of the Man who would Not Die Hard, and featured the classic story of a man stuck on Mt. Olympus during a theft gone wrong.) I’m not going to solve it here. But with The Great Gatsby and World War Z already passed, and the next Hunger Games, Ender’s Game, and Divergent headed to the screen soon, I have a feeling that the debate will continue for quite some time.

In Brightest Day, in Blackest Night, No Mean Lady Will Stop Me From Reading, Not Quite...

You may notice, from my “What I’m Currently Reading” tab to the right (Oh... you don’t notice it? Allow me to direct you to it. It’s to your right) that I read a lot of Young Adult Novels. I even took a class in “How to Teach Young Adult Novels.” I was doing it way back before it was cool to read it, make a movie out of it, then have everyone choose a “team” for the movie despite the fact that the book series wrapped up years ago and we all know which couples end up together. (Although deep in my heart, I was hoping that Bella would end up with that one minor character from the first book of the Twilight series. If I’m going to make a joke about it, I probably should read it closer. No, no.. I’m standing by that joke.)

I’m also very aware of the fact that I’m a 34 year old man. A 34 year old man that still wears shirts with his favorite cartoon characters on it and has a Green Lantern Ring for every day of the week, but I give the outward appearance of a responsible adult to those who may not know me that well. I kind of hope that the rather mean lady I met on the metro the other day had known me better to know that while I do a great impression of a responsible adult, I’m a giant kid at heart when she confronted me about reading a young adult novel.

You may have noticed that Reached by Ally Condie was in my “What I’m Currently Reading” tab (located to the right of this article) for quite some time. (I was savoring it.) But unlike a lot of the other books I read, I wasn’t reading it on my Kindle or tablet-like device, I was reading the actual paper book. You know, like they make from trees and the souls of the writer. This wasn’t to make a bold statement, I had mentioned I had enjoyed the first book on my kindle, and my wife being nice surprised me with the book versions of the other two. But rather than reading a faceless black tab of plastic, I was reading a colorful book that showed a young lady in red, standing through a broken glass bubble, symbolizing the final part of the book and the fact that our young hero, Cassia, was able to walk through the final pill: the dreaded red one that takes away memories.

So, it was obvious I was reading a young adult novel when this rather unpleasant lady broke Metro Rule # 1 and actually talked to a stranger during rush hour.

“What book is that?” she asked, looking up from her phone ever so briefly.

“It’s Reached,” I said. I was taken back by the fact that someone was talking to me, so I didn’t point out the large word, “REACHED” written on the front cover along with the young lady in red, standing through a broken glass bubble, symbolizing yadda yadda yadda...

“What’s it about?”

“It’s about a young girl...” and I launched into a rousing description of a dystopian society and a young girl who broke all the societal norms for love, friendship, and freedom.

“So it’s a kids book?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

At this point, I knew where the conversation was going. I was torn by saying a simple, “yes” or something more obnoxious by pointing out that I was reading while she was crushing colorful objects on the game on her phone. I split the difference and commented that it was a young adult novel, and I really didn’t have to defend any of my life choices to her as we’ve known each other for a good four minutes at this point.

“Why don’t you read a real book?”

“This is a real book.”

“It’s for kids! Grow up!” with that the metro lurched to a stop, moved forward a little bit more for some reason, then lurched to a stop again and she was away, no doubt to hop on her broom and interject her special brand of wisdom on someone else minding their own business.

Let me say that Bad Shakespeare does not endorse the persecution of witches, and I sincerely hope that that lady avoids all forms of liquids, as I’m certain that would be fatal to her. I saw it in a movie once, so I’m assuming it’s true.

This post is not to defend any of my life choices, particularly with reading. What candy jewel crushing mean lady was not doing was not reading, which at that point leads me to wonder what type of book she likes to read, if any? (Except Witches’ Quarterly, particularly that one article that tells you to stop one random stranger on a train and tell them that they’re doing everything wrong.) I enjoy Young Adult Novels. I enjoy Science Fiction (or speculative fiction, nerds) Novels. I enjoy Fantasy, Historical, Graphic, Realistic Novels. I like to read. Young Adult is just another form of that.

There’s also the fact that lately Young Adult Novels have been a lot more imaginative than some of the other novels I’ve read lately. I really enjoyed the Matched Series, as I pointed out, and yes, I hopped right on that Hunger Games trilogy bandwagon right when it got cool. Hero was one of my particular favorites, and dealt with the idea of coming out to your father (while saving the world) in a mature, intelligent, fashion. Divergent, Mrs. Pettigrew’s Home for Peculiar Children, and Mortal Instruments are both on my radar once I finish whatever book is in my “What I’m Currently Reading” tab. (located to your right.) So is Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell, but that’s not Young Adult so it’s not proving my point.

I think the point I’m trying to really get across is that one of the things I enjoy doing with my life is reading. I love it. I love reading books. Except The Twelve. That one just made me sad. But for the most part, I love books. And it’s like anything, I look for interesting things that inspire me. And interesting things that inspire me really don’t have an age limit. You just enjoy them. And that’s what you should do.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to put down my book and catch the latest episode of Phineas and Ferb.