Saying that Teachers Should Be Valued Shouldn't Be This Controversial

Recently, Key and Peele took on an extremely controversial topic. If you’re not familiar who Key and Peele are, they’re a pair of comedians that have a pretty funny sketch show on Comedy Central. One of their recurring sketches is an “Anger Translator” for President Obama. That one can get controversial, I guess, if you don’t like President Obama. Or anger, I guess. But no, they tackled another subject... Teachers. 

In a recent episode, they showed what the world would be like if we valued... you know, teachers instead of athletes. It was complete with Teacher Center, set up exactly like Sports Center, complete with a Teacher draft and a car commercial at the end where a teacher was doing the driving (and took a bite of an apple... nice touch.) They were paid millions of dollars for their teaching ability. Plays were shown where they showed teachers getting involved. 

In short, it was a pretty good sketch. I know it’s been shared. Then I made a cardinal mistake of the internet. I looked at the comments. 

Yes, I know that I shouldn’t look at the comments of just about anything. But I was curious to see what people were saying about this sketch. Listen, I’m also very aware that the internet, because of it’s anonymous nature people are crueler than they need to be, because nothing makes you braver than zero consequences. 

But I was surprised at the sheer amount of vitriolic comments being lobbed at teachers. They were nothing that I hadn’t seen before... 

“Teachers get three months off!” 

“I thought that teachers said that parents were supposed to be important! Why aren’t we saying the same about parents!”

“Teachers are lazy!” 

“They just teach to the test!” 

“Football players have talent!” 

I don’t know why it got to me so much this time, but it did, and I posted something about it on my personal Facebook page. Then I realized I had a blog, and I have my own forum to post these things. Plus I went through the teaching program, so I have a better insight than some guy who finds the time to post their hatred for teachers on a video shown by a pair of comedians. (Who are talented in their own way. And as of this video, smarter than many of the people who commented on it.) 

Let’s start with my favorite myth: The myth of the three months off. I know this is the go-to on the “lazy teacher” crowd. What they don’t realize is that is a majority of teachers don’t, in fact, get three months off. Some of that is spent keeping up with the constantly changing requirements to maintain a teaching license. A majority of it is spent planning for the new year, once again changing plans based on random changes that are being made. (More on that in a minute.) And who do you think teaches Summer School? You know that school that is filled with kids that don’t want to learn? Yeah. Lazy. (That was sarcasm. Ask a teacher what that means.)

The problem is that we no longer value education anymore. We have politicians running for President on a platform of dismantling education rather than helping it. Not fringe candidates, either, actual, “hey put me on TV” candidates. Not the people claiming to be Jesus reincarnated or who are running their candidacy out of their parents’ basements. We have changes to school textbooks not suggested by actual scholars, but by people with agendas... and it’s being accepted. There are entire states that make teaching the least appealing job in the world, then wonder why there’s a shortage. (Thanks, Kansas!) It’s fun to scream about standardized tests or Common Core for some people, but did anyone stop to think about why this is a big deal? Is it because a bunch of people got into a room and said “we need to do this” without stepping into a classroom. (The answer is yes. I’m high on the rage and sarcasm today.)

In this country, we no longer value the ability to be smart or rationalize. And the people being demonized by this are the teachers. 

I won’t argue that all teachers are perfect. In fact, the opposite. We do have a lot of bad teachers, because the teaching profession isn’t designed to accept the best and the brightest. I don’t talk a lot about my personal experiences with why I quit the teaching field. But maybe it’s time that I should. 

When I first got into the classroom, I wasn’t filled with the delusion that I would change every life. And see, that’s the problem right there. I went in, already cynical from what I’d observed. And the problem is, no one wants to counter that. There’s a defeatist attitude that comes in a little bit with teaching. A sense that there are some things you can’t change... and mostly because teachers lack the support of parents and administrators. It’s tough to blame the administrators who are under severe pressure from a lot of different places. But parents? Not supporting teachers? Seriously? We’ve reached that point, and that’s sad. 

I have more, but like I said, that’s my personal experience. Not everyone had this experience, I’m sure. And I will say that most of the people I’ve kept in touch with from my teaching program have made amazing teachers. Probably a result of us knowing Zenkov, a professor who made sure we were amazing teachers. But at the end of the day, I can tell you that not everyone I was in class with was going to be a good teacher. A lot for these reasons. Some for others. I don’t know I’m ready to go into that part fully. Let’s keep this post’s focus on teachers, and how we need to encourage them to do their best. 

So, two comedians put out sketch where they decided we should all try valuing teachers. The thing is, I don’t know how we can disagree with them. Yeah, it’s cool that some guy can throw a ball really far. I love football. It’s fun, but when we get to the Coca-Cola Half Time Report Presented by Taco Bell’s Pepsi Half Hour... maybe our focus can be going elsewhere. Maybe our focus does need to be on this profession that is attempting to make another generation smarter than the last. The Cowboys lost last week. That’s a great distraction. But it doesn’t really tell me anything about the classics, how to analyze a math problem, or encourages me to go out and find a new discovery.

Yes, we should want the best of the best to be teaching our kids. But the knee jerk reaction to a video posted by two comedians shouldn’t be to pile on about how proud you are that you told your kid to not listen to a teacher. It shouldn’t be how proud you are of your ignorance, and how listening doesn’t help. 

Teaching is already one of the toughest things in the world. I know. Because I couldn’t do it. We already send them in with as little resources as possible while making them jump through impossible hoops while they’re being badmouthed by Politicians and Parents. Its like sending a solider into battle with half a gun and telling them they they have no support from anyone else. How can we allow that, in good conscience?

Let’s let not just let teachers teach. Let’s support their efforts. Let’s not actively attempt to discourage them from making this next generation smarter, from letting them grow. Let’s remember that we need teachers to make the world a better place. 

Summer Movie Season: Pixels Wasn't As Bad As I Thought It Would Be

There was once a time when it wasn’t cool to be a nerd. Hot Topic is getting a lot of milage out of their Zelda or obscure Marvel Superhero T-Shirts, but when I was growing up it was difficult to wear your Star Trek T-Shirt out in the real world. Never mind about the debate who was better: Kirk or Picard (It was Sisko.) But through it all there was one thing that we always hoped:

The Geek would inherit the Earth. (No, I’m not clever enough to have thought of that on my own. The saying was old.)

That’s the topic of a lot of video game movies since Matthew Broderick boyishly taught a computer to play Tic Tac Toe to save the world in War Games. Or when a young gamer was called in to fly a starfighter in The Last Starfighter. Or when Fry did it in an episode of Futurama that suspiciously matches the plot of this movie. And let’s not forget that this is the plot of literally both of Ernest Cline’s novels Armada and Ready Player One. 

Pixels continues the tradition of the gamer nerd saving the world, with a heavy dose of nostalgia to bring in the old people. Like me. 

Adam Sandler IS Brenner, a once promising video game player who came in second in a world wide video game tournament and burned out, now installing televisions and home theatre equipment in a thinly veiled “Geek Squad” costume. Those orange shorts getting annoying after a while. Kevin James IS Cooper, the President of the United States and best friend to Brennan. 

After installing a home theatre and temporarily bonding with Violet (Michelle Monaghan), a divorced mother who won’t kiss Brenner because she’s a “snob” (it’s important to remember that this movie has all the gender politics of an Adam Sandler movie.) Brenner is called to the White House to give his opinion on the recent destruction of a military base. Eventually Brenner teams up with Ludlow, a boy genius video game player who determines that it’s aliens bringing to life all of the old video games and are threatening the world. They eventually get Eddie, another gamer who had beaten Brenner all those years ago out of prison, and together, they team up to stop the aliens using their knowledge of video games. Not the new school call of duty games, but the old school type. 

Let’s get tis out of the way immediately: This is a very stupid movie that’s pretty much designed to appeal not to Adam Sandler’s current audience, but his past audience, like me. The people that remember when video games meant gathering as many quarters as you possibly could and heading to the arcade, where it would be noisy, but you’d hang out with your friends for a couple of hours. The movie covers this in the obligatory nine scenes where Adam Sandler’s character says as much to Violet’s kid. And he’ll reiterate it a few other times, so don’t worry if you miss it.

At is core, that’s what this movie is: a bunch of guys hanging out, playing video games. One just happens to be the President of the United States, and one just happens to be Adam Sandler, who even looks tired here as he’s reciting his lines without the usual Adam Sandlerness that makes it one of his trademark movies.

But to be honest with you, for all the faults... I kind of really enjoyed this movie. It was a nice surprise. Despite the big budget and the giant centipede heads trying to destroy the city it’s just that: It’s a hangout movie with bigger stakes. 

The aliens never really get defined, and they really don’t need to. They just exist pretty much to be a way for us to see Pac Man chomping on the streets of New York as a bunch of mini-coopers chase him around. And it’s an interesting dynamic, actually, since this reverses everything we’ve seen so far in this scene where they guys aren’t playing “Pac-Man” they’re playing as the evil ghosts. 

This is a really good movie as long as you don’t delve too deeply into it.

So now, I’m going to delve too deeply into it! 

It’s not without it’s problems. First is the relationship between Brenner and Violet. It’s actually paced out well, with them not liking each other and then eventually accepting each other. That’s not the problem. Part of the problem is that it is based around Adam Sandler telling her that she doesn’t like nerds, and not necessarily the fact that the first time he tries to kiss her she’s drunk in a closet crying about her ex-husband. He actually gets charming when he treats her like she’s a real person with real problems, but the first part is kind of... icky is the only word for it.

Then there’s the NERDS GOOD message that is throughout the movie. Yes, it’s cool that nerds are able to save the day with their mad video gaming skillz. That’s always a delight to see. But does it have to be said so many times? Does the army have to be THAT incompetent or bloodthirsty? Do they really need to break Peter Dinkledge’s character out of prison to play a video game when really, there were a lot of people that could come close to what he did. Also, the whole “We need video game people to win” trope falls a little flat around the time the aliens are really attacking, and it would be nice to have the WWE Superstar to be able to jump those barrels or to attack the actual menace. 

Overall, though, it was kind of a fun movie. A lot more fun than I expected when I walked through the doors. 

8 out of 10

Summer Movie Season: Bad Vacation

Exactly how I felt about halfway through this movie

I thought of many different ways to start this review/experience/view of the new Vacation movie, the latest attempt to revive the National Lampoon’s [insert descriptor here] Vacation movie. But there’s only one thing you need to know: The movie starts with a shot of a random dude’s buttcrack. Then it manages to go downhill from there. 

Warning, this could contain spoilers, or this could contain the fact that I’ve watched this so you don’t have to. That part is up to you.

Vacation stars Ed Helms, taking over the Rusty Griswold role from... well, the many different people who’ve played the role. (Including Anthony Michael Hall, who’s presence would have made for a funnier movie.) He’s a pilot for a small, local airline, and we’re treated to the sheer comedy of him groping a woman and little boy accidentally for a few minutes before we get to the comedy gold that he’s not very assertive. As we see with one scene with Ron Livingston as a rival pilot. Don’t worry, the movie won’t comment on this until the very end.

Realizing his family is in a rut, after a very uncomfortable dinner scene that wastes Michael Keegan-Key and Regina Hall, Rusty decides to take his family to Wally World! We’re assured that this is not a re-do of his original vacation in a very meta scene that was spoiled by all the trailers. (And you know how I feel about spoilers.) His wife, Debbie (Christina Applegate) and his two kids don’t really seem up for the idea, but they’re just excited not to take the same trip that they had taken their entire lives to some cabin in a moment that’s thrown off pretty quickly, but hints at... problems to come! 

So they’re off on their cross country road trip in their rented car that... doesn’t make quite any sense, but it’s foreign and they don’t get it so that’s the joke. They stop at Debbie’s old college and learn about her wild college days with plenty of booze and vomit. There’s more gross understandings. Yes, Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo make cameos to pass the torch to the new generation. And they get to Wally World, and they all learn a little bit more about each other .

Ok, so where to start.

Let’s start with Rusty’s Kids, played by Skyler Gisondo and Steele Stebbins. Skyler plays James, the sensitive older brother, and Steele plays Kevin, the younger brother that’s meant to be mischievous, but plays more like a psychopath than an “aw, shucks isn’t he cute” younger brother. Maybe you can be treated to one of the many scenes where he actively attempts to kill his brother. I don’t mean in a fun way, he has a recurring joke where he puts a bag over his brother’s head. I get part of that is to show off how clueless his parents are, but really? And by the third time, it’s obnoxious. 

Then there’s the subplot that’s hinted at heavily, but never discussed but it’s ok it’s handwaved away in the one scene. Basically, Debbie spends the movie reading “The Help.” If you guessed that the jacket cover hinted that their marriage was falling apart, well, then, you’re right. Debbie is thinking about leaving Rusty. It’s never mentioned, and there is the recurring motif (I can’t believe I used that word here) where her ring keeps falling off, but it’s never really addressed until Rusty finds the book, and they realize “hey let’s just work it all out, right now.” And they do. And it’s never mentioned again. 

The ring falling off leads to a funny cameo by The Walking Dead resident badass Norman Reedus. That was kind of funny, I guess.

I get that the original Vacation movies won’t win awards for subtlety, but they knew when to back off sometimes. When Debbie vomits for the third time after chugging a beer to do a beer run, it just seems excessive. The car exists for the sheer purpose of throwing around a few “wow this car is weird” jokes, which get tired. Same with the sensitive brother, which shows so many moments of being brilliant only to fail, Miserably. 

And I haven’t even touched the Chris Hemmsworth scenes. He’s in a loveless marriage with Aubrey, also now played by Leslie Mann, in a scene where Rusty of course has to go visit in his sister because let’s bring everyone in.  He’s basically a ripped cattle rancher/weatherman/perfect guy who is sent to threaten Rusty and his marriage with Debbie. (After they go swimming in toxic waste.) 

I’m surprised we didn’t get a few scenes in Randy Quaid’s jail cell. But yeah, the scenes with Chris Hemmsworth exist as they were filmed, and now we can at least say that Red Dawn isn’t the worst remake he’s appeared in.

As for Vacation, it did serve an extremely important function: It made me appreciate Hot Pursuit more as a summer movie. 

Three out of Ten. 

Goodbye to Alan Cheuse.

On Friday, July 31st, George Mason University Professor, Writer, and NPR Contributor Alan Cheuse died following a car accident. He was 75. 

A lot of the many places that are covering his death are going to post it like that. Alan Cheuse who did a lot of these things, is gone. Off this Earth. I was in one of his final classes, and I have some perspective I’d like to throw into all of this. 

Let me start by saying that I know this man was loved, and that there are a lot of people who will have stories about him. This one is mine, which is why I’m sharing it. 

When I initially signed up for Alan Cheuse’s class on what the Novella is, I signed up for the very noble reason that I needed the extra literature credits for my degree, and I had no idea what else to take. I was taking one required class, and the other one wouldn’t be offered until September so... I decided to take a class on the Novella. I didn’t know who Alan Cheuse was other than that he was a contributor to NPR, and I only knew that because I Googled him the way I Googled every other professor. 

The first day he walked into the class, in retrospect, told me everything I needed to know about the man. He walked in with a folder, wearing a wrinkled shirt and hair that probably hadn’t been combed that week. In the other hand he had a cup of coffee. His first comment was to ask us if we had all done something wrong in a previous life to deserve the terrible room we were currently in. 

In fairness to him, the room was very, very terrible. More storage closet than classroom, complete with CRT Television with a VHS player off to the side. 

Professor Cheuse was right to the point. Very little introduction, he had us tell us our names and what we were studying so he could help put things together for the semester. But that was kind of the point: Professor Cheuse was a smart man, and he knew what he wanted, which was for the rest of us to start thinking, too. Not much time for pleasantries. 

The Friday prior he had sent us all his syllabus with the expectation that we would read two novellas and come to class to discuss them. He acknowledged that we may not have time to explore them the way he wanted, and he didn’t care, this was his way of feeling us out. I think he questioned literally what everyone in the class said at some point, even if this point contradicted another point he had literally just made. 

I remember walking out of that class wondering how I was going to make it through that semester.

And that’s the thing... it was a tough class. Probably one of the toughest I’ve ever taken. Not in terms of workload... having to read two novellas and a few random one page papers here and there isn’t that tough compared to some of the sheer workload I've taken on. But in terms of actually being questioned and making me think. Professor Cheuse had a way of phrasing things that on the surface may have seemed harsh, but he was actually trying to bring out the best in your argument. If you couldn’t justify it, then what was the point of speaking? If you couldn’t game out the little details, then what was the point of making that argument? Professor Cheuse didn’t want you to read the material and say on the surface what you thought. He wanted to you to form an opinion on things to define the indefinable, to present the world through a new lens that you were creating. 

I was miserable in that class while I was taking it. I’d live in dread that I’d get called on, and that I’d have another discussion that I would walk away feeling like I’d lost, despite the fact that there wasn’t winning and losing in his class, but that he just wanted you to be “better.” I'd never been happier to be miserable. 

And I realize that, now. I realized that as class was wrapping up. Before this class was over, I’d already signed up for another one of Alan Cheuse’s classes. I spoke with him before I left for Ireland, and he gave me a few books to read so I could keep up with classic Irish Writers. I never got to tell him that I was one step ahead of everyone at the Irish Writer’s Museum because of the books I’d read that he’d given to me. I was proud of that. 

I won’t lie and say I knew the man better than I did. I knew him through class, and through is writing. I knew him as a man who challenged me for a semester, and someone who I was looking forward to challenging me again through another semester. I knew him a man who was perfectly willing to lend me some books so I was well read. And who told me that I probably wouldn’t want to come back from Ireland. I'm going to honor him the way he would have wanted, by picking up some books and reading.

So, rest in peace, Professor Alan Cheuse. The world is a little less well-read because you’re gone. 

Summer Movie Season: Minions is more Wolverine than X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Sequels are a funny thing. Everyone wants to find a way to duplicate success, particularly if it can help their eyes turn into dollar signs and build them large Scrooge McDuck Style vaults in their backyards. This has resulted in some funky sequels, like Highlander 2, which took the central premise of the first movie “there can only be one,” threw it out, and decided that there were many, and screw it give us money to see this again, please. Then there’s great sequels, like 22 Jump Street, which decided, “we’re making a sequel, and you can all just deal with it” and then made a sequel about a sequel. 

Then there’s the elusive spin-off movie, which isn’t really a sequel but takes things that are really, really, really popular from the first or second movie, and then makes it a completely new movie with new characters. But this is a tricky prospect; for every The Wolverine there’s a Wolverine Origins. Everyone remember the last Marvel Cinematic Universe attempt with Elecktra? No? Great, better for the rest of us.

So, naturally, I was wondering if the Despicable Me spinoff Minions was going to be worth it. Walking in I wondered, will I be treated to the moral complexities and action sequences in The Wolverine? Or would I be treated to another, less Despicable Me movie that used the B-list of all the characters in an attempt to replicate the success of the others as in X-Men Origins: Wolverine?

The result was somewhere in the middle. 

Minions is about those yellow gibberish spouting creatures that worked under the care of Gru, the titular “despicable” character in the Despicable Me movies. First as minions of evil as he decided to steal the moon, then as the minions of... well, not quite good, but “less evil” as he found love and decided to settle down. So, how did they come into the care of Gru?

That’s right, kids, settle in because it’s a prequel!

The movie begins as the characters are nothing more than single celled organisms working to serve the other, bigger single celled organisms before they climbed out of the primordial ooze. Apparently the Minions have always wanted to serve the biggest, baddest master out their, which is a little dark when you think about it. These cute little cuddly creatures are essentially pre-disposed to evil. 

Soon, after some mix-ups in a hilarious montage narrated as if it were a nature documentary by Geoffery Rush, they find themselves building a civilization in a nearby cave where they can no longer do any damage to anyone. But, this life, while fruitful, bores them. Once again, we’re treated to the darkness that is if they’re not doing evil, then they’re just not doing something worthwhile to them. Dark. 

Eventually, three brave Minions decide to go out and find a new dark master for them to serve! Margo, Edith, and Agnes Kevin, Stuart, and young Bob head out into the world, and find themselves in 1960’s New York. They eventually learn about Villain Con, an international meeting of Villains designed smartly like Comic-Con, and the biggest, baddest villain of them all, Scarlett Overkill, voiced with enthusiasm by Sandra Bullock, and her husband Herb Overkill, voiced with less enthusiasm by John Hamm. It’s ok, though, the character calls for it, so it’s actually quite funny.

From the she asks them to steal the crown jewels. Hijinks ensue. 

Minions overall isn’t a bad movie. It has some genuinely funny moments, such as when Bob pulls the sword from the stone, when they encounter a family of bank robbers, or just about anything Herb Overkill does. (Seriously, you want another spinoff? I’d watch him just lazing about England as his wife tries to take over the world.) But part of the problem is that it hasn’t decided what kind of movie that it wants to be, and just throws everything against the wall to see what sticks. Which is impressive as it’s one of the shorter movies I’ve seen this summer, clocking in at about an hour and a half. 

The movie starts, interestingly enough, with that nature-like documentary narrated by Rush. This could have been expanded and really made to shine, especially as it is revealed that the Minions served a T-Rex, Dracula, and Napoleon. Yes. The General. But these are all glossed over so we can get right back into what we’ve seen in the first two movies: Villainous hijinks. 

This means rushing to Villain Con, and rushing right toward getting these guys in front of a bad guy to be bossed around. Which I get is the purpose of the characters, but we don’t spend enough time with them.

The movie itself is very episodic in nature, moving from one moment to another very quickly, not spending much time establishing itself. Part of the charm of the first two Despicable Me movies was a heart at the core. Gru was Despicable, yes, but he was mostly harmless. We don’t get that as much with Scarlett, an over the top villain who hides rockets within the folds of her fancy gowns. (Of course, this is one of the better parts of the character. And it’s pretty awesome, I’m not going to lie.) 

That being said, the movie is funny in little moments, like when Kevin is raising his exploring crew, or Bob with his little bear Tim that he carries around. Even Stuart gets in some good moments as the very laid back, guitar playing character that doesn’t really want anything so much as he’s just going along with whatever people are asking him to do. 

Bottom line, the movie is amusing overall, but would have probably worked better as a TV Series. Of course, it’s currently raking in Elevenity Billion Dollars, so what do I know?

Six and a half out of Ten.

Summer Movie Season: Self/Less Trades Hunky Ben Kingsly for Hunky Ryan Reynolds

Immortality is all the rage. Even if you don’t actively think “I’d really not like to die one day” we all do little things to stave off the icy hand of death for one day. Maybe we put a special moisturizer on our faces to avoid the wrinkles. Maybe we dye our hair. Maybe you avoid a certain food because a celebrity said that they avoid it, and they look good, so obviously, that has to be it. The movie Self/Less takes it one step further.

Note: As I delve into this movie I find myself hitting up the age old debate, is it a spoiler or is it part of the plot. Many would argue with me that this is a spoiler, not a part of the plot that’s carefully doled out early on, I’m going with what I want, because it’s my blog. If you want to hide all spoilers, then by all means, start your own blog named after a line of dialogue in the Expendables. 

Self/Less is a movie about death, and our fear of dying. It’s about a man named Damian (Ben Kingsly) who is dying of cancer. He mysteriously learns about a project called “shedding” which will allow him to transfer his brain into a genetically engineered younger body for a mere $250 Million. Of course, he doesn’t ask where he gets this card from (that part IS a real spoiler) nor does he think about why this genetically engineered younger body already has a scar on it, so he decides to go for it. 

After trying to make things good with his daughter and speeding up the dying process by drinking coffee laced with peanuts (because of his severe peanut allergy) he finds himself now in the body of Ryan Reynolds, and able to do all the cool things he wanted to do while living in New Orleans and not questioning why the guy he met on the basketball court named Anton (Derek Luke in a terrific role) suddenly wants to be his friend.

Then the hallucinations start. He’s given special drugs he has to take to ward them off, and can never miss one, or else... Of course, these wildly specific hallucinations of a young woman (Natalie Martinez) and her daughter all calling him “daddy” near a water tower. He soon discovers that the bodies aren’t genetically engineered but are volunteers who are given a large cash settlement for their families. The drugs essentially kill the personalities and memories of the people who the new bodies inhabit. Damian is in the body of a young military officer. Of course, once he figures this out, can they let him live? (No. The answer is no. If you didn’t know that then you don’t watch movies.)

This wasn’t a terrible movie. I qualify this one as one of those movies that was on a passing joke on the Simpsons, “Free Movie with Air Conditioning.” It was a thriller, largely designed to play off the idea that Damian was inhabiting the body of a man that wasn’t technically dead. Ryan Reynolds plays this off well, but it’s really difficult for him to show anything off until (spoiler) the final scene when he awakens as the man he once was. Then you get the true capabilities of his acting, as even the walk over to the computer screams that this is a different person. 

The problem is that after raising this question about the new body that Damain inhabiting. There is some lip service given to the morals of whether or not Damian deserves to live or not, but it’s never really explored. Every time it’s brought up, usually between Madaline and Damian, it’s quickly dismissed under a hail of gunfire or another twist after another twist. But in order for Damian to live, the man who’s body he is inhabiting must essentially “die.” He’s not really dead, mind you, he’s just sort of... lurking, I guess? I don’t demand the most solid explanations of brain switching movies, but I need a little bit more than this new host will be beaten out by the old host because science reasons, take your medicine. 

Moral questions aside, there’s also the fact that the stakes are incredibly low in this movie. It’s limited to a family drama with a man who’s past we don’t know too much about taking on a system that he knew very little about to begin with. There’s no real foreshadowing that Damian is any kind of action star, and it could have been played off a lot better as a man who was way out of his depth dealing with a new world around him. The movie was so interested in selling itself as a thriller it didn’t think to emphasize the more interesting parts of the movie: The moral questions or the fish out of water aspect of it, which could have carried a lot more weight as a man who was dying, from an older generation (we see glimpses of this early on in conversations with his daughter, and this is dropped so he can be nice to his new, ready-made daughter) or even the moral implications of death.

But all these get swept under the rug for more shoot-em-up bang bang action sequences.

One thing that this movie does excel at, and does need some focus, is the idea of identity. Damian has to deal with his new identity as not Damian anymore, but of a younger man unable to go to his own home, see his old friends, or even is daughter. Many of the introductory shots are done through mirrors, and the climatic scene involves a mirror quite literally melting in front of someone. I like the way it used all of these things. 

Not a bad movie for the summer, it just squanders some really great ideas and moments to get to more action sequences. 

Five out of Ten

Summer Movie Season: Ant-Man

Settle in Boys and Girls… this will be long, but worth it.

Once upon a time, Marvel Comics had a plan. They released a movie called Iron Man which featured a pretty popular but not well known outside of comics superhero played by the awesomely awesome Robert Downey, Jr. It should be known at this point that when cast, RDJ was known as that once high profile actor guy who had been fired from Ally McBeal. 

But, they had a plan! What if, instead of just having Robert Downey, Jr. play Tony Stark, billionaire industrialist playboy who built a suit of armor to atone for his sins, what if… WHAT IF… they introduced the OTHER people he shared a team with? And they made fun little references to the properties own by Marvel Studios (who owns who is tricky business, kids. I went over it once, but the bottom line: Marvel Studios doesn’t own everyone in the comic books. Don’t think about it for this post.) So at the end of Iron Man, Tony Stark meets up with Nick Fury, who tells him about the Avengers. 

Then, not knowing if that little trick would work, Marvel took another gamble. They referenced Nick Fury, Avengers, and Tony Stark in the front of The Incredible Hulk… THEN HAD ROBERT DOWNEY JR SHOW UP AS TONY STARK. This happened a little over a month after the Iron Man movie, which meant it was filmed well before they knew that Nick Fury's one minute cameo went over well with everyone. Audiences went pretty nuts for this. Here was Iron Man in a non-Iron Man movie, telling us that the Hulk was going to be in the Avengers! This was incredible.

It kept going like this: Iron Man 2 featured heavy references to Captain America and Thor. Nick Fury and Black Widow were characters. Thor, despite being off-world still managed to throw in sly references to Ant-Man (Henry Pym), Tony Stark, and the post credits sequence tied in directly to the Avengers. Captain America set the rest in motion which brought us to the Avengers, an action packed movie that brought everyone else together and hinted at even more danger. That was Phase 1.

But that’s all history. Why am I bringing this up here?

Because Phase 2 blew it all to hell, and got rid of half the fun.

Iron Man 3 was along slog about how Iron Man doesn’t want to be Iron Man anymore, how he’s got PTSD, and all at a time where we were supposed to be blaming Man of Steel for being too dark. (When one of your characters asks “When are we going to talk about the Avengers?” that’s not cute, it’s what the audience is thinking.) Thor 2 made a quick reference to Captain America and Guardians of the Galaxy.  Of course, that movie had no interest in being associated with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, despite a lot of table setting for the way long off third and fourth Avengers movies, and all attempts to get references to it (The Hulk and Iron Man were both supposed to show up at different times) were removed in favor of funny shots of Groot dancing and Howard the Freakin' Duck. Captain America 2 made the most references to the other movies, leading into Avengers 2 and with a brief mention of Steven Strange (that elicited way too strong a response because we’d just watched three movies not want to talk about anything Avengers or larger universe) . But overall, the series was more interested in re-establishing the heroes as single characters instead of a team, removing all those fun references that sucked us into Phase 1. Even Avengers 2 cut out it’s end credits scene! We live for those end credits scenes. Basically Marvel said, “You know what worked in Phase 1? Let’s remove all of that from Phase 2.”

This is a long way to tell you what I thought about Ant-Man, technically the end of Phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 

Ladies and Gentlenerds… the fun is back in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I loved this movie. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. (Spoilers to follow.)

Ant-Man is the story of Scott Lang (Paul Rudd, in his most Paul Ruddiest role to date.), former thief who, after a stint in prison, is given a second chance by the first Ant-Man, Hank Pym (Michael Douglas, spouting dialogue he never thought he’d have to say.) He has to don the suit of Ant-Man, a shrinking hero who was active during World War 2 and had to retire and hide his suit because well... THE WRONG HANDS! (seriously, though, so much time is spent thinking about how these advancements in these movies might fall into the wrong hands, maybe they should stop inventing them at some point.)  He needs Scott to steal a suit being developed by his protege, who wants to build an army of shrinking super-soldiers in a world that needs super soldiers of any variety. This takes place post-Avengers 2, so a lot of references are made to the fact that a freaking city was just dropped by an evil robot.

Let’s get the good out of the way first, because there’s a lot of it: This movie is not afraid to reference the fact that it is taking place in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It starts with Hank Pym quitting SHIELD, along with appearances from Peggy Carter and Howard Stark. That’s the first five minutes. Later, when Hank is describing the problems with having a shrinking technology out their, Scott doesn’t hesitate, he says “bring in the Avengers.” The DNA of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is all over this movie. There are references to the events of the Avengers 2, Spider-Man, and even a fight scene with an actualAvenger, which is likely to happen when someone else with superpowers shows up on the scene. An actual, honest to goodness, “hey this is the first time we’re meeting so let’s fight” scene. Remember how much we all enjoyed that in the first Avengers movie? We do. Did Marvel remember? No. But Ant-Man remembers.

This movie avoids a lot of Phase 2 problems by simply having fun with the premise. There’s the initial issue with the fact that this main character’s power is to shrink and control ants… what’s the point? The point is that he can sneak into anywhere, and is pretty powerful, despite the jokes about his name. There’s the heist factor, where he’s got a pretty funny team with him. Michael Pena as his old cellmate Luis stole every scene that he was in. I’m not the first person to claim that, I know, but that’s because it’s true. Michael Pena is the type of actor who’s funny, but is interested in making everyone around him look good. The movie is better for having him in it. I can’t say that about every character in every movie, even ones I love. But he’s simply perfect.

There even is a dramatic sub-plot. Why, you may ask, does Henry Pym simply not ask his daughter, Hope (Evangeline Lily) to don the Ant-Man suit? (Spoilers). After teasing us for a little bit, it was revealed that Hank had a partner (as he did in the comics): The Wasp, who sacrificed herself for the greater good, and Henry needs someone “expendable” in Scott Lang if something goes wrong. He can’t sacrifice his daughter. 

It’s that attention to detail that makes the movie perfect. It’s that moment of drama that pulls us into the movie, but then gives us enough humor to take us back out and remind us that it is a superhero movie about a guy that controls ants. 

I could go on. The special effects weren’t just great but unique, giving us a look into a shrinking hero that uses his power to fight crime. The pacing was spot on, not spending too much time in one location for us to get bored. It doesn’t take itself too seriously… it’s a movie about a shrinking hero. It establishes a history not just within the story itself, but in the larger Marvel Universe. And the post credits scenes are used to establish upcoming stories for Hope, Ant-Man, AND the Marvel Universe as a whole, rather than making a joke or trying to distance itself from the larger world being created. 

What’s bad about this movie? What’s bad is at the time of this writing it’s currently the second lowest grossing Marvel Movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Fans of comedy: go see this movie. Fans of comics: Go out and see this movie. Fans of good movies: Go out and see this movie. Please. We need more like it. We need to remind Marvel of when their movies were fun, and when their movies spent time not only on the hero, but in setting up a bigger world for itself. 

I’m VERY proud to announce that Ant-Man is my first 10 out of 10 for the Summer Movie Season.