Summer Movie Season: Thumbs Up!

Well, we’ve reached the end of the Summer Movie Season coverage with this… the best. It’s how I end every Summer Movie Season, with reflection and a positive note of what we’ve seen over this past summer. And there have been some good things…even great things. We’ve seen Volcanoes in love. A return to practical effects. Spies out the wazoo. Superheroes. Some of them actually good. There have been controversies. But one thing is for certain: It’s been a fun summer.

And keep in mind that when I say “the best” it’s purely subjective. I know what I like, and I enjoy it.  If you don’t like my responses, feel free to start your own blog.

That being said, here are my favorite moments leading up to my two favorite movies of the summer.

Best Guitar Solo: That guy with the flaming Guitar in Mad Max. I kind of feel that this didn’t need to be said. But what it’s indicative about is the fact that it didn’t need a dude riding a wall of speakers shooting fire out of a guitar. It’s a tribute to the visuals presented in this movie, the use of color, the practical effects. Then, after all that was painstakingly put on screen, we got a flaming guitar solo. Still wish Nux didn’t have to die…

Favorite Romance: Arnie Hammer and Henry Cavill in The Man from Uncle. Spy meets Spy. They Fight. They eventually learn to work together. It’s romantic, I tell you. 

Creative Storytelling Moment that Got Cold Feet. We Are Your Friends isn’t going to win any awards. Except for a movie that people didn’t go see. But throughout the movie there were fantastic moments of brilliance, where we would get these wonderful voiceover narrations that moved onto quick shots of anatomy books, elevating what a lot of people consider letting your computer play some music into an art form. if only the rest of the film had taken hold of these moments, we might be having a very different conversation.

Best Use of a Motorcycle to Subdue Your Enemy: Obviously Captain America in Avengers 2. It just slipped. 

Avengers 2 also wins Best Recurring Gag. “Language.” 

Best Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt in Jurassic World. Obviously. 

Funnest Movie of the Summer. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. A nice throw back to when heroes didn’t need hardcore angst to move a plot forward. 

Now You’re Just Messing With Us Award. Seriously? A singing Volcano? Who just wants to find love, and does after slowly dying over thousands of years? Now Pixar is just making movies on bets, apparently. I was going to make a joke about roaches but they already made an adorable roach in WALL*E. 

Biggest Surprise. LeBron James in Trainwreck. I, like so many Americans, sauntered into Trainwreck to see  how Judd Apatow’s “change yourself to find happiness” routine mixed with Amy Schumer’s sheer awesomeness in comedy. What I didn’t expect was to find LeBron James holding his own against Bill Hader and Amy. Seriously? When do we get a LeBron James spinoff? Soon? 

Thank God You Pulled Back on the Source Material Award. This is a tie. I originally didn’t like Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl. Mostly because Greg spends most of the book whining and telling the reader how terrible the book was. And because Earl is not really a character so much as an excuse to get the word “tittes” on the page as much as possible. All of this tied in with the fact that the two characters supposedly weren’t friends. But just about everything was pulled back in the movie version, giving the characters a chance to grow and make them real characters, and avoided their offputtingness. If that’s a word. 

Tied with Paper Towns. This is another movie that’s a tough sell, because despite being featured on all the materials, the movie isn’t really about Margo so much as it’s a look at trying to find her as well as trying to find that dream. Again, we get more of an idea of character, and about how the journey is spiritual for one character. Plus, the ending is a lot better in the movie version. The sad part is, I didn’t realize how little I liked the ending of the book until I saw the movie.

Still Not Sure If I liked it Award. End of the Tour still vexes me. I can’t decide if it’s a brilliant portrait of an artist that wasn’t sure he wanted to be considered an artist, or a mocking cash grab by a guy who interviewed a guy who was troubled and shot himself. I’ll still be thinking about this for a while.

The Million Ways to Die in the West Award for a Movie that was Better Than it Was Supposed to Be. Damn You, Pixels. I don’t know if it was the nostalgia, or the tie into my adolescent fantasy about saving the world using my video game skills, but I actually enjoyed you. I spent so much time mocking your premise as an old Futurama episode. Why did you have to do it so well?

Best George Clooney. Tomorrowland version George Clooney. George Clooney is usually at his best when he’s a borderline jerk. Anything to make up for Batman and Robin. Also, this movie was a great antidote to all the pessimism lately. 

Runner Up for Favorite Movie of the Summer

Ant-Man.

On Paper, Ant-Man probably shouldn’t have worked. In addition to having the superpowers of “being able to control ants” and “not being as well known as all of the other Avengers” the original Ant-Man was an abusive alcoholic. There was turmoil… TURMOIL I TELL YOU… behind the scenes as Edgar Wright exited, displaying that Marvel has finally lost it’s touch. But everyone managed to pull together and make it work.

Paul Rudd worked as a man aware of Superheroes, and befuddled as to what to do with his newfound power. Michael Douglas seemed to enjoy being able to say things like “I’m the Ant-Man.” But mostly… after Thor: The Dark World, Iron Man 3, and Avengers 2, this was the first Marvel Film in along time to feel like a Marvel Film. From the fun with the premise, to the references to other movies, to it’s non-self contained nature… it just worked. Plus, we finally got a decent Superhero on Superhero fight scene. Fantastic. I really hope that Marvel is back on point, and we doing get PTSD: The Movie again. 

Favorite Movie of the Summer.

The Man from Uncle.

I realize this is a controversial choice, because it doesn’t include any combination of the words “Mad” or “Max”. I realize that this movie didn’t exactly break any records on opening day. And that is quite the shame, because anyone who didn’t see this movie missed a rare little treat of a spy movie. There was no attempt to bring it from the Cold War to the modern day. They used big, bulky gadgets, and we loved them for it. The style was awesome, with 3 piece suits and designer shoes. All directed by Guy Ritchie who actually toned down his usual style to try to appeal to more people. All of this and you throw in a great cast… Arnie Hammer, Henry Cavill, Alicia Vikander, Hugh Grant… This was just a fantastic movie all around. I’ve been to it twice, and I may end up going to see it again, because I loved it that much. It was just a cool movie, filled with twists, and really deserved more attention than it originally got. This isn’t just a must see movie, it’s a MUST SEE MOVIE.

And that wraps up Summer Movie Season 2015. Stay tuned tomorrow for our prayer to Tom Hanks.

Summer Movie Season: What Didn't Work, He Said Diplomatically

The first weekend in May is always my favorite. It’s always filled with hope. I always look at the list of movies being released and I hope that it’s going to be amazing, even though I know that in the back in my mind that some movie will end up being a disappointment. This year was different as there weren’t a ton of terrible movies, but terrible parts of movies. There was potential… I’m looking at YOU Aloha… but sadly, they just didn’t live up to what they promised. For instance, whoever designed the trailer to Fantastic Four probably deserves some kind of award. 

But before we can get to how great this summer is, like we will tomorrow, let’s hand out the awards for the movies that were less successful than they could have been..

Most Needless Subplot. Let me list the number of reasons we needed to break away from Chris Pratt punching dinosaurs to view divorce proceedings in wherever the hell those kids’ parents were getting divorced. (Chicago? I didn’t care. Because it wasn’t taking place on an island full of dinosaurs.) Seriously, the plot was never resolved except to briefly view the parents picking their kids up from Jurassic World. It just goes to show you, kids… it just takes nearly being murdered by a genetically enhanced dinosaur to get your parents back together. 

The Aloha Award for the Misuse of Bill Murray. Seriously, Aloha was a slam dunk on paper. Bradley Cooper as a disgraced contractor finding redemption by returning to the place he lost his love? Vague references to Hawaiian Gods? But nope. It wasted literally every piece of it. But the worst was the fact that it relegated Bill Murray to a villain after selling him as a wise old man in all the trailers. Bravo to the trailers that tried to sell him as an old sage, dispensing advice when in fact they kept highlighting him being threatening. He’s America’s Drunk Uncle. Why mess with that formula?

The Double D Award for Comedy Gold. Did you know that Sofia Vergara is well endowed in the chest area? Hot Pursuit does. And if you forget about it, they’ll bring it up a few times so you’ll know. The worst part about all this is that Modern Family shows that she’s an accomplished comedianne, and she could have been hilarious rather than focusing on her… assets for two hours. 

Pixar is Testing My Limits Award. I love Amy Poehler. She’s pretty damn awesome. I love Pixar. They probably have a movie gestating about a couch that wants to be a love seat and when they make it, I’ll sob like when they told me Firefly was cancelled. But Joy in Inside Out really tested my patience. I get that she was supposed to represent the idea that we need to be happy all the time, but really I’m surprised that Anger didn’t smack her into next week. And her turn was WAY too sudden. Literally seconds before she fell into the pit of evil with Bing Bong, she had tried to basically kill Sadness. Then she pops up and everything’s ok. I walked away loving the movie, but wanting her to go away. 

Most Needless Death that Needed to Happen. (Spoilers.) This is pretty much the only positive that will be on this list but it’s a tie between Bing Bong and Nux from Mad Max: Fury Road. Both of them were beloved. I get why Nux had to die… to prove his newfound devotion. But really? Same for Bing Bong. I really wanted him to take that trip to the Moon.

Actual Most Needless Death (Continued). In reality, the only death that didn’t need to occur was Topher Grace in American Ultra. This took the fun premise and continued it down the rabbit hole of just not knowing what the movie wanted to be about. Was it a fun stoner comedy? Was it a disturbing look at PTSD? Was it a mind bending twist on the amnesia spy drama? Nobody knows….. But it took me out of the movie.

Worst Temper Tantrum. Say what you will about Fantastic Four or any bad movie, but Josh Trank’s temper tantrum during the release of the movie was unacceptable. Badmouthing the movie rather than standing behind it was just unprofessional and killed any chance the movie had, no matter how small. 

Best Metaphor for the Movie in One Trailer. The Griswolds bathing in Toxic Waste. 

Worst Doctor Who. Terminator Genysis had a lot of problems. Most of the twists were spoiled by the trailers. The pacing was off, and even after sitting through it, I’m still not entirely sure what happened. But Matt Smith, the 11th Doctor, was featured heavily on all of the posters. He had less than 10 minutes of screen time. Thank God he was cut so we could get more of trying to watch the Terminator smiling. Oh, and if you’re going to leave a gaping cliffhanger of just who sent The First Terminator Back in Time, let’s make sure you’re good enough to get a sequel. 

Lamest Joke Set-Up. Mark Wahlberg and his Teddy Bear are going to rob a sperm bank. What do we think was going to happen? Because literally the same thing happened in an episode of Family Guy.

Hey It’s Worked For Every Movie So Far So Let’s Not Do It. Seriously Avengers 2? No Post Credits Scene? No setting up Ant-Man or any of the other Billions of properties that may not need your help, but could have been awesome? No Spider-Man? No Black Panther? Nothing?

Worst Movie of The Summer (Runner Up. It will be named Worst Movie of the Summer as soon as I can get a Flux Capacitor and prevent it from being made, or if the Worst Movie of the Summer Can’t live up to it’s duties.):

The Fantastic Four. 

Unlike our other movie, which is a type of reboot, there was reason to make the Fantastic Four. Fox owned the rights and wanted to set up a new Universe that included FF and the X-Men to establish a world so they can dip in to that sweet, sweet Avengers type money. But from the glacial plot, to the temper tantrums, to the almost disdain for superheroics, everything abou this movie was just painful to watch. I’d really like to see a Fantastic Four Movie that works. But sadly, this is not that one. The bar has never been set lower: Of the three previous movies there was one that was literally not meant to see the light of day, and two that focused on how quickly they could get Jessica Alba naked and built a plot around that. This was a slam dunk. Most of their work was done for them. All they had to do was put together something halfway decent, get Hugh Jackman to show up to recruit them to the X-Men at the end, and boom. Hit movie. But instead we got… that mess. 

The Thing has never been more depressing.

Bad Shakespeare’s Worst Movie of the Summer is…

Vacation.

No one in this picture wants to be here.

Not much of a secret here. I hated this movie with the passion I never thought I’d feel for Ed Helms. From the murderous brother sold to the audience as “just a bully” to Ed Helms being a poor man’s Chevy Chase (that’s saying something) to a gross misuse of Chris Hemmsworth, this movie was just remarkably terrible at every turn. 

I separate it from Fantastic Four because of the needlessness of it all. At least with FF Fox was attempting something. With this it was… I don’t know. The tone shifted wildly, and with not much surprise… I don’t know if anyone else in that theater wasn’t waiting for the “big reveal” that Christina Applegate was unsatisfied with her marriage. Or that Chris Hemmsworth kept hitting on her in front of his wife. Or that anything in the movie would happen. Hey, guess what, the car is wacky, will they figure out what all the fun things do? Because there’s a button on cars that totally make them explode. And then there’s the aforementioned “let’s bathe in toxic waste” scene that was in every trailer because… why not? I love stupid comedies. I named Let’s Be Cops as one of the best of last Summer. But like I said in my original review… the movie starts off with a picture of a dude’s buttcrack, and goes downhill from there.

So, with that in mind, I’m rating this my worst movie of the summer. 

Tomorrow: The Which Movie was Bad Shakespeare’s Best Movie of the Summer?

Summer Movie Season... the ReCap, Praise Joss!

The air has taken on a slight chill. Football fans start arguing over who is better: Cowboys or whoever plays the Cowboys. The Walking Dead comes back to make us fall in love with characters and then kill them off completely. Television starts it’s traditional model of starting it’s shows despite the fact that we’ve long evolved past that model. That can only mean one thing…  Summer Movie Season is over. 

This has certainly been an interesting Summer Movie Season. I’ve hit upon some wonderful surprises (Hello, LeBron James in Trainwreck). And I’ve hit on some disappointments that really made me sad. (Hello, Fantastic Four, you were a Trainwreck.) Some movies were big flops. We had one weekend that set two records: one for biggest flop and one that grew beyond expectations. There were controversies, a lot of them manufactured. But the bottom line is… I saw a whole bunch of movies. It was fantastic. 

Basically, it was everything that I’d come to love in Summer Movie Season. Joss Whedon hath blessed us. (No, I’m not changing that next year.) It was quite the bounty. Despite the fact that we took a little break from Summer Movie Season to pop on over to Ireland for a month, we still managed to hit up 36 movies counting those I saw twice, one holdover from good/bad movie season (Paul Blart 2: Why the Hell Are they Making a Sequel to This and Not Firefly?) and one past tense movie. 

I did try to review as many of the movies as I possible, but I know I didn’t hit them all. But I love this particular post each year, the one where I recap what I’ve seen, and, through the magic of time, I get to re-think my grade for each one. So, without further ado… here’s what I’ve seen this summer, complete with a few lines of summary and rating.

Also a quick shoutout to Judy Greer. If you don’t know who she is, check the background of most of the movies and look for the mother who dies or divorces. That’s her. It was the unofficial Summer of Judy Greer. You go, girl.

All movies in the order I saw them.

Avengers 2: Age of Ultron: Iron Man, Captain America, Black Widow, Thor, and everyone else is back to fight off an evil A.I. and do whatever it takes to hold off putting Thanos in a movie and tries to address the fact that the one dude in Man of Steel couldn’t save everyone but they can with an army of about 10. Great way to start off the summer. (9/10)

Hot Pursuit: Obviously no one thought anything could beat Avengers 2 as two women take a cross country road trip. One of them’s a bumbling cop. The other one is the large-chested wife of a criminal, because they address it 50 times. Will they ever get along? Does anyone care? (5/10)

Mad Max: Fury Road: Mad Max is back making a few cameos in a few scenes in a movie about a woman with one arm named Furuosa tries to save a bunch of other women from being breeding stock. Gave us Immortan Joe and people who spray silver frosting on themselves. Beautifully shot, acted, directed, and not a lot of use of CGI. Only the gratuitous late death of a character kept this from being a perfect movie. (9/10)

Tomorrowland: George Clooney teams up with a young girl to save Tomorrowland (The magic land, not the Disney Ride) and the world. I’ll fully admit that it wasn’t the perfect movie. I just enjoyed the optimism of the movie a lot more than everyone else. It was oddly sincere in a climate that prefers things bleak sometimes. That’s the reason it’s rated so high. (9/10)

Mr. Holmes: Sherlock Holmes, aging and keeping bees, must solve the mystery of his failing memory. More Character Study and Less Mystery, it kept me entertained as it looked deeply into the world of a man is losing his purpose. (8/10)

Spy: Melissa McCarthy teams up with Jason Statham to fight an evil Rose Byrne. Jude Law was in it, too. Really, what else do you need to know? (8/10)

Inside Out: A girl is held hostage by an evil dictator that lives inside her head; telling her that everything is fine and she doesn’t need to worry about anything. Also the pre-movie was about a singing Volcano. Damn you Pixar. Damn you and your ability to play with my emotions. (9/10)

Jurassic World: Chris Pratt fights dinosaurs. Why are we debating anything? TO THE MULTIPLEX! But seriously, what was up with that divorce plot that went nowhere, and the creepy kid that wanted to break up with his girlfriend. Why are you interfering with Chris Pratt riding into battle surrounded by Velociraptors? (8/10 because of the STUPID DIVORCE SUB PLOT.)

Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl: A kid befriends a girl who is dying. Also Earl. Rare example of being better than the book. (9/10)

San Andreas: The Rock fights an Earthquake while Paul Giamatti gives us exposition. Or something. I was unclear on everything, I just know that we had another family drama when I wanted to see the Rock body slamming stuff. (7/10)

Ted 2: Let’s make another movie about a talking, foul mouthed Teddy Bear and not a sequel to Firefly. Makes perfect sense to me. Hey, when they go to the Sperm Bank, do you think they knock over a shelf? What do you think? (7/10)

Aloha: How dare you. How dare you waste Bill Murray in such a fashion. That man is a national treasure. (5/10)

Terminator: Genysis: Arnold is back in his wackiest role as an evil computer/father figure to the young girl in Game of Thrones. Plus, Doctor Who was in it, and everyone rewrote time. Now let’s go back to pretending there haven’t been any other Terminator Movies since Terminator 2. (5/10)

Minions: Banana! (8/10)

Self/less: The Thriller you forgot existed where Ryan Reynolds switched bodies with Ben Kingsly. And it was certainly that. A movie where Ryan Reynolds switched bodies with Ben Kingsly. Like a sexier Freaky Friday with more angst. (6/10)

Spaceballs: I got to see Spaceballs in theaters again! I’ll have the soup. (Ridiculous Speed out of 10)

Ant-Man: Paul Rudd gets all the powers of an Ant. Also: Michael Douglas makes a tank into a keychain, and Marvel Movies stop being so afraid of talking about other Marvel Movies. (10/10)

Trainwreck: Come for the Amy Schumer. Stay for the LeBron James. (8/10)

Southpaw: What happens when you need an underdog but you also kinda want to start him off on top? You throw in a few gunfights and some drunk driving. (8/10)

Pixels: Damnit, Adam Sandler. You aren’t supposed to make movies that hit me with the nostalgia quite so hard. Or make it genuinely entertaining. I’m supposed to make fun of you. (9/10)

Vacation: Hey, you know what really needs to be rebooted? National Lampoon Vacation series. Said no one. Ever. (2/10)

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation: Bunh bunh… bunh bun… buhn bunh… buhn buhn buhn…  (9/10)

Paper Towns: Another example of toning down some of the more outrageous elements from the book, and keeping a pretty decent story. (8/10)

(un)Fantastic Four: Three days before the release the director and studio started their temper tantrums. That’s all I needed to know. And yet i saw it anyway, because I hate myself. (1/10)

Man from UNCLE: Probably the coolest movie of the summer. I’ll have a lot more to say about this one later. (10/10)

End of the Tour: Interesting look at a one man’s rise to fame. A fame he may not have wanted. (Still not sure/10)

American Ultra: So close to being the Bourne Lebowski, but tonally, not sure what it wanted to be. (7/10)

Hitman: Agent 47: Stop trying to make Hitman happen. (2/10)

We Are Your Friends: Surprising. I know it got bad reviews, but really not worth the negative hype it got. If you didn’t see it, you missed out on a little gem. (8/10)

Transporter: Refueled: You know what worked in the first three Transporters? Jason Statham. You know what we’re going to do with this one? Take him out of it. (5/10)

There you have it: a quick refresher of the summer. Some movies may have changed as a result of me thinking about them a little more. 

Also, a programming note: If you follow me on Facebook, you know that I have Lil’George Clooney coming with me to the movies and taking pictures. Sadly, I’m going to retire him for the winter. He needs time to rest. Say hello to Lil’Misha Collins, who will start following me around for Prestige Movie Season!

Tomorrow: Your Movie is Bad and you Should Feel Bad.

Summer Movie Season: It's a Fun Movie

Hang on!

I’ve had this theory for a while about television. If you look at some of the best television series right now, they’re surviving by becoming essentially like movies. Yes, they are episodic but there isn’t a reliance on needing to cover 22 unique episodes that will play really well in syndication. Think Breaking Bad or Daredevil. You can easily point to any of those shows and they have great episodes, but the narrative story is set up more like a movie, one that makes sense as they feed into each other to tell an overarching story. (One could argue that Deep Space Nine did this years ago.)

Conversely, movies are becoming more like television. Some of them are, anyway. Getting Chris Evans or Robert Downy Jr, to show up on your television show may not always work, tell Chris, “Hey, do your own movie, then show up as a supporting player in this one for a bit” thus sort of providing different episodes of an overall Avengers franchise. 

Then one could argue that Mission Impossible has been doing this for years. Each sequel is almost a new movie unto itself, only carrying a few of the characters into brand new situations and a brand new feeling. (Even the whole plot of Ethan being married was only briefly mentioned when it had to be, and then it was quickly removed.)

This incarnation of Mission Impossible (Rogue Nation, since the numbers were dropped around the time they realized that brought in more money) once again stars Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt who is once again on the run when once again the Impossible Mission Force is once again compromised and once again shut down. Apparently there’s some evil organization who does what they do but for evil, and the British Government is involved. There’s a lot of moving parts. You don’t really care about this, what you care about are the explosions as mixed with the stunts, which is awesome.

Oh, and there’s a subplot where Alec Baldwin (CIA Director Hunley)  and IMF Agent Brandt (Jeremy Renner) are off on the side doing office stuff, because when you have one of the world’s most up and coming action stars, you want to stick him in a suit and have him sit in an office while Tom Cruise Runs around. Ving Rhames is back as tech dude Luther, and Simon Pegg is showing off his serious acting jobs after his rant against frivolous movies in the returning role as Benji. Rebecca Ferguson joins the cast as Ilsa Faust, who’s loyalties keep you guessing until the end.

Look, no one is going to be clutching an Oscar, thanking the entire cast and crew for their work on Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. The movie does what it’s supposed to do: it’s pretty entertaining. The movie starts with the well shown stunt of Ethan Hunt hanging onto the side of an airplane as it takes off. There’s cool car chases, great one liners, and a scene where they have to switch computer files in a tank of water that literally had me holding my breath. 

To me, this is one of the reminders of why I enjoy summer movies so much. It’s just a fun movie, one that’s not too concerned about itself, one that doesn’t spend a lot of time brooding, weighing consequences, or taking subtle digs at other movie franchises. (I’m looking at you, Avengers. It’s real easy to save everyone when you’ve got like, 12 people that can fly.)

It’s just a fun movie. That’s the best thing that can be said about it. It really doesn’t need further praise than that.

Nine out of Ten

Summer Movie Season: It's No Rocky...

Is there any other sport that has been built for the screen better than boxing? Maybe Baseball. And Football. And let’s not forget Space-Basketball, best encapsulated by the wonderful documentary, Space Jam. I guess the bottom line is that sports can make good movies. But Boxing seems to stand tall among them. Perhaps it’s the storytelling involved with a good boxing match. Maybe it’s all our conditioning from the various Rocky movies. (There’s another one coming out this Fall, starring the same guy that played the Human Torch. Presumably he won’t be on fire, nor will he be in a horrible movie.)

Such is the case with Southpaw, the latest boxing drama to tell the story of downfall and then eventually, redemption.

Oh, and if you’re worried that this is a spoiler “there will be redemption” let’s be real for a few minutes. It has redemption. You know there’s going to be redemption from the trailers. Even the “sad ending” movies feature redemption, or lessons about going the distance. Let’s be reasonable. 

The movie is about Billy Hope (played by Jake Gyllenhaal, who at this point really might be a shapeshifter. Seriously. Look at the way he melds into each role, including this one) who is on top of his game. He’s the Light Heavyweight Champion, he’s got a beautiful wife (Rachel McAdams), a daughter (Oona Laurence, asked to carry a lot of the movie), a mansion, a bunch of hangers on... He’s got it all. Naturally, he has to fall, because there’s only so much time that can be spent in a movie where someone has it all. Even Tony Stark is kind of insufferable until he loses his heart. Although in that case it’s sort of literal. But you know what I mean.

During a charity event, he’s challenged by an up and coming plot device jerk who stirs things up during a charity event, because why not? Don’t worry, Miguel “Magic” Escobar won’t pop up again until things are needed narratively. During the fight, though, Hope’s wife is killed. Not really a spoiler as it was mentioned in the trailers, and not really a spoiler so much as “part of the plot.” This leads Hope to depression, alcoholism, suspension from boxing, and the loss of literally everything including his daughter who is not only in the foster care system, but growing emotionally distant from him as well.

All is lost!

The problem with Southpaw is what I just managed to write there... that’s the setup. We’re show all of this in glorious detail, learning all about how Hope has a wonderful life that’s taken away, and if you forget it, the movie hammers in it during several scenes that pretty much could be part of the backstory. The far more interesting part is watching Billy get back on his feet again: learning to be an adult, working at the old gym under Titus Wills (Forest Whitaker) who should have entered holding a cane wearing a robe and speaking like Fozzie Bear, because he’s very obviously the Yoda character. But by the time we get to these scenes we’ve already witnessed a lot of Hope’s self destruction. He’s stopped caring (in fact it’s only when he loses his daughter than he starts caring) but it’s difficult to really care about this character. 

The redemption is what gets the short end of the stick, with Hope obviously rejecting the offer to clean up the gym - he has his pride - but crawling back when he doesn’t have a choice. This is the in the span of a few minutes, where we’ve just witnessed an hour in of Hope’s destruction in excruciating detail. It sort of makes you wonder what the movie is trying to be about: Hope’s redemption or Hope’s suffering?

And that’s a shame, because the second half of this movie, the one that focuses on him as he rises up from working in a tiny gym and fighting in charity fights back to competing for the championship, is really interesting. But we’re relegated to just a few shots of him training, bonding with the teenager that will die and motivate him, and eventually we are literally back where we start - Hope boxing in the big time, narrative built around the man who was involved in the altercation that resulted in the death of a woman but didn’t really suffer for it at all. 

The actors are really the good sell with this movie, particularly Gyllenhaal and McAdams, who are pretty convincing as a husband and wife who have known each other most of their lives. Even 50 Cent shows up as Hope’s manager, a sleazy character that probably needs just a little more screen time to develop as someone who is riding the Hope train long enough. Really i could have used more of 50 Cent, as he holds together a lot of the narrative theme of the movie, particularly helping Hope overcome his suspension by doing what he does, capitalizing. 

Overall, not a bad movie by any means. Just one that doesn’t live up to the potential set up in it’s second half. 

Seven out of Ten

Summer Movie Season: How I Met David Foster Wallace

Biopics and true stories aren’t easy to pull off. Ultimately, some pieces end up missing, rearranged, or heroic characters end up being made cowardly villains who shoot at people trying to leave a sinking ship. (Thanks, James Cameron) So I always go into them with this in mind, trying to remind myself that what I’m seeing is an interpretation of a writer’s idea of what’s going on. In the end, all Biopics and True Stories and Memoirs and Autobiographies do have a sense of fiction in them. 

I’m still not sure what to think of The End of the Tour, chronicling the conversations between David Lipsky (played by Jesse Eisenberg, decidely not playing a stoner spy) and David Foster Wallace (played by Jason Segel, who should probably start getting together his acceptance speeches for awards this season.) 

Based on David Lipsky’s book, Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself, the movie focuses on the conversations that the pair had as David  Foster Wallace was wrapping up his very first book tour following Infinite Jest. I’m not sure if anyone reading this has attempted Infinite Jest, but it’s not at easy read. 

I’ve just described the movie twice and not really gotten beyond one sentence. That’s because on the surface, not much “happens” in this book. No Sharksplosions. No rapid gunfire. No epic love stories or quests or I’d even say grand revelations into either character. Lipsky comes across as a bit self-centered in the story, very much as our point of view character. Our first view of him is how he reacts to the news of Wallace’s death, and how it prompted him to pull out the tapes to write his own novel. Then it flashes back to his story: he gets a job at Rolling Stone and pitches the idea of doing a profile on this writer. Ron Livingston, perhaps apologizing for subjecting everyone to his role in Vacation earlier this summer, pops up to get angry that Lipsky isn’t working hard enough to find out the rumors of Wallace’s drug use. 

This plot point doesn’t get much air time. It’s mentioned twice, and there’s no real mention of why it’s important. Wallace was a relatively unknown writer until Infinite Jest made him sort of a literary rock star, back before we started making some writers literary rock stars so long as they have access to a publicist and the ability to turn their books into movies. So, finding out that this relatively unknown writer who was just now becoming famous used drugs doesn’t seem like much of a point to keep coming back to. 

But I have to say it was a good movie. I use that in one of the loosest terms possible. It’s the kind of movie that stuck with me, and is just sort of sitting in the back of my mind, even as I watch other movies with the aforementioned Sharksplosions and the man who is impervious to bullets because he has mastered the power of the high kick. The view of Wallace we get is unwaveringly Lipsky’s which is important. A lot of the point of the movie is that there are different ways we present ourselves, and we have to think about how we do that. Wallace was an interesting figure, who’s life was cut way too short. 

There are a lot of thought pieces right now about how he would have liked this particular biography. The thing is, this is exactly what he would have wanted, I think. We’re not getting this as Lipsky saying everything was 100% accurate. What we’re getting is Lipsky’s interpretation of the character of David Foster Wallace, and that’s all the more important. 

I’ve used this blog as a way of trying to figure out what I want to say before. I guess in some ways I’m still doing that a little bit: trying to figure out exactly what I want to say about this movie. It’s easy with a good movie or a bad movie. It’s difficult with a mediocre movie, but it’s not impossible. In this case, it’s just sort of... there. It’s one of two movies that I’ve seen this movie that I think I loved, but it’s hard to put into words. The only thing I really can say is to do what the movie asks you to do, and go see it. It’s an honest portrayal that doesn’t really spare anyone, and will have you wondering as you leave the theater. 

Rating: Go see it out of 10.

Summer Movie Season: The Bourne Lebowski

I don’t know that we would all like to be super-spies. It sounds like a dreadfully stressful job. The world is constantly in need of saving, right after you’ve saved it again. You’re always being betrayed. I mean, in reality I’d think that Ethan Hunt in the Mission Impossible movies would realistically be sitting in his shower screaming “why” the next time he’s betrayed and IMF is shut down. But we’re fascinated by it. And we seem to be fascinated with the idea that spy training becomes so implanted in people that it just takes a simple flip of the switch to turn them into killing machines, even if they somehow lose their memories. The most famous of this is the Bourne Series, which turned Matt Damon into a super spy who didn’t remember this name, but remembered exactly where to punch a guy to make his head explode. 

American Ultra plays with this idea and adds a dash of The Big Lebowski and Pineapple Express, because we could use more of both of those movies. 

Jesse Eisenberg is Mike Howell, a stoner living in a tiny town in West Virginia. He spends most of his days smoking pot, hanging out with his girlfriend Phoebe, (Kristen Stewart) and suffering crippling panic attacks whenever he tries to leave the city. Little does he know that he’s a secret agent, part of a program that was designed to create a super-soldier for reasons that are never explained or expanded upon. The program failed. For reasons that are never explained or expanded on. Littlier does he know that he’s been targeted to be killed by CIA Agent/Professional Jerk Yates (Professional jerk actor Topher Grace), who started another program to create super soldiers, because you can never have enough super soliders, I guess, and he’s activated by his original handler Lassiter (Connie Britton, looking like she’s unsure of what kind of movie she’s signed on for.) Obviously, hijinks ensue. Deadly, deadly hijinks.

Now, this sounds like a funny premise for a movie. Stoner slacker finds out that he’s a super-spy and has to save whatever. The problem is that the movie itself is unsure of what to do with it’s presence. (Spoilers to follow.) 

The movie wastes little time not just setting up its premise, but by also letting us know that there’s an internal war in the CIA between Yates and Lassiter. These are some of the first scenes we see. In fact, our opening shot is Mike sitting in a holding cell, having just finished the events of the movie, and we flash back to what happens. Immediately it destroys any sense of comedy or mystery because it says: he’s been trained as a spy!

That’s not to mention the whole Yates/Lassiter war, which, like I said, is established in the first few minutes of the movie. But the problem is that rather than focusing on why these two characters hate each other, we just kind of get that they do. I mean, it’s kind of obvious why anyone would dislike Grace’s Yates, an obnoxious bootlicker who will murder anyone - including a harmless slacker in West Virginia) - to get ahead. It’s also unclear as to why there was even ever a second killer spy program, as we only got that Howell’s training had gone badly and he was the only one to survive, but it was killing him as well. 

It’s frustrating. I think that’s the best word for it.

Then there’s Mike Howell, who should be the focus of the movie. He spends a lot of time not really being the focus of his own movie, with a lot of stuff happening around him and he having to reacting. This works when it’s done well, like the Big Lebowski. The protagonist in that movie is very much reacting to the world around him, a world that increasingly has nothing to do with him. However, Mike seems to be vacationing in his own movie until the time comes that he has to act to save his girlfriend. 

And yes, his girlfriend. The big twist, hinted at pretty early on in the movie, is that Phoebe is… a spy. She’s actually Mike’s handler, who fell in love with Mike, and took him to West Virginia. Yates makes a comment about how she disappeared, despite the fact that literally everyone knows where Mike is. That’s the point of the movie. Everyone is going in to kill Mike. For reasons. And she does take action, eventually. But the whole point is almost tacked on as if they were halfway through the movie and someone noticed that she had been around way too long to not know something was up with Mike’s super-killer moves. 

The real problem with this movie is that no one really knows what type of movie it is trying to be. It tries it’s hand at being a lot of things… an irreverent movie, a comedy, a serious drama… and it just doesn't work. Too much time is spent setting up a comedic moment for it to quickly turn dark. It’s difficult to laugh at the cover story for why the military is mobilizing in this tiny town - Lassiter has had sex with a monkey and unleashed a virus - when the Sheriff is shot in cold blood. 

The problem is that it’s not an overtly bad movie, because it is at least trying to do these things even if it fails. And it adds a level of darkness to the movie that doesn’t need to exist. Suddenly the slacker isn’t smoking pot to get high, he’s smoking to forget his horrible, horrible, past. Yates is dispatched in an execution type manner in the rain that shows up for one scene. Those crippling panic attacks were programmed into him so he wouldn’t leave town. It just becomes way too dark.

It doesn’t try to sleepwalk through the plot like SOME horrible movies. (I’m looking at you, Fantastic Four.) The problem is in trying to do something new, it ends up doing anything exciting at all. It just sort of is. 

Six out of Ten

Summer Movie Season: The Man from U.N.C.L.E

The spy genre has had an interesting year. The most compelling spy so far has been Colin Firth in the excellent Kingsman: The Secret Service which expertly dissected the spy movie genre. Melissa McCarthy played her Jason Statham-iest role yet in the aptly named Spy which wasn’t quite the dissection but more of a straight “what if Melissa McCarthy was Jason Statham” type comedy. And the world is once again gearing up for James Bond to go darker in SPECTRE, starring the gloomiest of Bonds since Roger Moore put on that clown makeup. Now, we have a reboot of an old T.V. Franchise is The Man From U.N.C.L.E, a spy movie that was directed by an extremely restrained Guy Ritchie. 

U.N.C.L.E stars once and future Superman Henry Cavill as Napoleon Solo, which is totally a name. He’s a con artist who was arrested for being a the world’s best con artist, and since it’s a movie based on a T.V. Show he is pressured into becoming the world’s best CIA Agent, because that’s totally a thing that happens in movies. In 1963, he has to team up with KGB Agent Illya Kuryakin, played by Arnie Hammer to help stop Nazis or an evil heiress that slightly looked like Paris Hilton or something from getting some nuclear launch capabilities. To be honest, the plot is pretty straight forward. Bad guys want X. Mismatched good guys want to stop bad guys from getting X. Can they ever pull together to stop it? Along the way they pick up Gaby Teller (Alicia Vikander) who’s father is building the secret Nazi Bomb and who’s Uncle (I see what they did there) knows where they are. 

Let’s start with the good, because there’s a lot of good in this movie. First, Guy Ritchie, as much as I’ve enjoyed his other films like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch, pulls back from his usual frenetic style while not compromising on his vision. Yes, it’s great that one of his movies is in English but requires subtitles to understand, but this is not that movie. there are still some great cuts, and especially later in the film when Gaby, Solo, and Kuryakin are all trying to deal with their various shifting loyalties, he is quick to move to a flashback or a to re-show a scene that adds something new. For instance, Solo, needing an invitation to the swanky party thrown by the sexy bad guy, steals it from Hugh Grant’s character. It’s a quick scene, shot conventionally like we’ve seen a million times before: guy runs into character and magically, through the power of pickpocketing, manages to grab his ticket. Later, Hugh Grant, who we learn is an agent in his own right, tells the story of running into Solo, and the shot is shown again this time a little less slick and with it being very clear that Solo grabbed invitation, even waving it around at some point. The movie is full of little details like that.

I should also point out that there’s one very funny scene in which the action is taking place while Solo, who was thrown from a boat, sits quietly on the sideline. Rather focusing on the boat chase we’ve seen a million times, it focuses on Solo’s internal struggle on whether or not to help the man he has been ordered to help, so long as it’s useful. 

This movie is also very much set in 1963, which is a bold choice. When the Man from U.N.C.L.E aired on television, it wasn’t far removed from it’s 1963 timeframe, and the Cold War was still heavily on people’s mind. This is unapologetically set during 1963, not bother to update, which is important. It would be easy to update it, have these two characters going up against the War on Terror or something, removing the Cold War tension and slow burn in favor of updating the latest slick gadget. But this helps add to the tension and just in general helps to make a better film. Nothing seems forced, it all works together to tell a smooth film. 

The actors take to their roles very well. Cavill seems more at home in his three piece button up suit than he does his Superman suit (although he did fine in that, too.) Arnie Hammer portrays a very conflicted hero, one that is doing his duty to his family more than his country, who may at any time explode. A lot of the heavy living is done Vikander who must appear to be an outsider while (spoiler) seeming to know a lot more than any other character. 

Now for the bad…

Did you get that? Yeah, this was an excellent movie. It was probably one of the best of the summer. (I’d say “the best” but I haven’t seen all of them yet, but I don’t have high hopes for a Jason Statham-less Transporter.) I really didn’t have a lot of fault with it. This was just a “cool” movie. Slickly done. Not really overly focused on the action, moments of comedy to lighten up otherwise dramatic scenes. Try watching the scene where Solo and Kuryakin trade the bugs they keep finding in each other’s rooms and not have a smile on your face. 

Honestly, if I hadn’t seen this as one of the final movies that was being shown that night, I probably would have walked right back in and watched it again. 

Go. See this movie. You will not be sorry.

I’m happy to award this movie my second 10 out of 10 for the summer movie season.

Summer Movie Season: A Superhero Movie that's Embarrassed to be a Superhero Movie

I’ve seen a lot of superhero movies in my life. I love superhero movies. The truth is, we all love superhero movies in some way. Sure, they may not dress up in tights or the newest trend of dressing up in cooler looking pleather. They may not all have cool code names, or carry magic hammers. But we admire people that can do extraordinary things, even if we don’t affix the title of “Superhero” to them. Even Generic Buddy Cop Movie 7 would be boring if they spent all their time filling out paperwork. The Fast and the Furious Movies would get old if Dom wasn’t an expert driver or bank robber or whatever wacky situation he gets himself in and then makes himself an expert. So, yeah, I like Superhero movies, just like everyone else. And when it’s billed as a superhero movie, that’s even more incredible, it means we’re going to get a double dose of superhero antics. But what happens when you try to make a superhero movie but then don’t actually allow the superheroes to show up?

The newest version of Fantastic Four is essentially that: a superheroless superhero movie. And it fails. Miserably. 

(Spoilers, I guess? I feel this whole thing has been discussed and super discussed. I’m not going to ruin anything for you.) 

Fantastic Four tells the story that the previous for attempts at making a movie about the Fantastic Four tells: Four scientists build something extraordinary, get zapped with some dubious science sounding stuff, then turn into a superhero team known as the Fantastic Four. The stretchy Reed Richards (Miles Teller); The Invisible Woman Sue Storm (Kata Mara); The Thing Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell); The Human Torch Johnny Storm (Michael B. Jordan). Sometimes Victor Von Doom comes along. In this version he does. 

This version pull from Marvel’s Ultimate line, so instead of going into space and being zapped with cosmic rays (that would just be silly) they go to another dimension and get their powers via magic (I mean sciencey) green ooze.

The movie starts with an extended prologue, because when you’re doing a superhero movie the thing everyone wants is an extended prologue that stops us from getting to the action, where a young Reed Richards is mocked by his teacher and classmates in 2007 for wanting to build a device to teleport himself, because that’s what happened in 2007 when people wanted to dream big and the big news story (that he references) was that transporters were within reach. So naturally, he builds one, because a sixth grader that can do that will fly under the radar. He also makes friends with Ben Grimm, who lives in a junkyard. 

Quick note: this scene also reveals that The Thing’s catchphrase was first said by his “abusive brother who beats him while yelling it.” This is part of this summer’s apparent need to find controversy in everything. Yes. He yells it. No. He’s his brother who beats him up. The mere fact that someone says “this is abuse!” while Vacation featured the running gag of one of his brothers trying to kill the other (hilarious!) makes me wonder about the future of movies in general. 

Anyway, we fast forward another 7 years to another science fair when Ben and Reed are still building the teleporter, and they get it to work. Of course, no one believes them, except… Franklin Storm, and his daughter Sue who wants Reed to work on the real thing. I would say at this point that finally we’re getting there, but we also have to watch as Franklin recruits Victor Von Doom and his shaky accent to help finish the machine, and his son Johnny who was busy drag racing, complete with little Mario Fire plant decoration in his car, which caught on fire during the race, just in case you need to be reminded that one day he will be the Human Torch.

Several extended conversations and montages where they build the machine later (I’m getting bored typing this) it’s time to go into the other dimension. Of course they’re not allowed to go, so Reed concocts a plan for them to sneak into it late at night, along with his best friend who is not a scientist, and use the machine to go into the alternate dimension. Because that’s a great idea, right?

Look, I could get this buildup if this were a science fiction movie exploring the dangers of science and ego, which it does a great job of setting up during this time. But this isn’t a science fiction movie. It’s the Fantastic Four. The only recognizable part we’ve really seen is a dude yelling “It’s clobbering time” while beating up his younger brother, and that’s dubious at best. 

So, yes, Reed, Von Doom, Johnny, and Ben all go into the other world, Von Doom is lost to the green goo, and everyone who went was magically scientifically changed to their respected superpowers with an extended sequence that shows Ben getting hit with rocks, Johnny being set on fire, and Susan, who did not go on the trip, getting hit with the returning portal thingy and getting her powers of forcefield. 

What follows is a horror show of powers: Reed screams as he’s being pulled in all directions, Susan fading in and out, Ben begging for his life, and Johnny… well he’s sort of quite. It’s pretty clear out of cast members, Michael B. Jordan is probably Josh Trank’s favorite. 

To point out: We have had almost an hour and fifteen minutes of exposition, a trip to another world and everything sucks. That’s an hour and fifteen minutes where there’s a setup to a group getting their powers when just about everyone in the theater knows they’re going to get their powers. It’s not a secret or a surprise. It’s in the title, on all the marketing. Why do we have to wait so long to see it?

Then there’s another time jump of a year: Ben’s being used as a weapon by the military, Johnny and Sue are being trained to be weapons, and Reed is in hiding trying to find a cure. You might think that this would lead to some cool action sequences where Ben is fighting, maybe has some moral quandaries about it. Maybe a training montage with Sue and Johnny. Don’t worry, the director spares you from that and just has some grainy footage of Ben fighting and a few minutes of Sue and Johnny doing… stuff… so we can get to the real action: Reed and his deep emotional turmoil while wearing a goofy suit that can expand with him. 

I could keep going. Yes, they eventually fight Von Doom, finding him in the other world, in a mishmash end sequence that features Reed  giving an inspirational speech, and the least convincing “Hey, what should we call ourselves” moment that would be even worse had Avengers 2: Age of Ultron hadn’t pulled the EXACT SAME JOKE earlier this year. 

For all it’s faults, let’s face it: Man of Steel at least got Superman in that costume with as little set up as possible, and let him run out and do stuff. Even lauded superhero show that tried to pretend it wasn’t a superhero show Daredevil still got Matt Murdock into a costume soon, even if it wasn’t the familiar red costume. This movie actively avoids setting these people up as heroes for as long as possible, and even when it does it takes the literal destruction of the Earth to start to get them to try to do anything about it. Even then they’re not a team so much as a group of scientists doing science stuff for science. 

This movie suffers the similar problems of the Hulk movies, (and why he subsequently worked with the Avengers) is because most of the focus is on the curse of being the Hulk. You know that cheering that happened when Mark Ruffalo turned into the Hulk and then smashed the giant lizard thing in the Avengers? Yeah, that’s because we don’t want a tortured Bruce Banner for two hours, we want The Hulk, smashing. We don’t want an hour of setup to a team getting their powers, then all wanting to be rid of them because they’re some kind of curse. Really the only one who should be mad is Ben (and he is, until he isn’t.) But instead everyone (except Johnny) is mopey about it. 

There’s a lot of talk about behind the scenes turmoil, particularly with Josh Trank has disavowed it and blames the studio, the studio blames him… it’s all a mess. I don’t really know who’s telling the truth, and quite frankly, I don’t care. Trank claims “This isn’t his vision.” And? Other than complaining at every step of the process, we haven’t seen his vision. The thing is, this isn’t anyone’s vision of the Fantastic Four. It’s a science fiction movie, and not even a good one at that. It’s a long, slow, slog through a superhero origin story and a vision on how not to make a movie, period.  It’s a superhero movie that’s embarrassed to be a superhero movie. The Fantastic Four deserves better than this. By the second lab montage or the second inexplicable time jump, someone needed to point out that this isn’t a Fantastic Four movie. 

4 out of 10.