Monday, October 20, 2014

The Day the Clowns Revolted

There’s a lot of outrage lately. It seems like you can’t do just about anything without riling up the masses, getting someone angry. Some of it is justified, don’t get me wrong. Some of it, like the million and a half outraged thinkpieces about a song that discusses the female booty 22 years after Sir Mix-A Lot already put the issue to rest may be going to far. You kids are to young to remember, but there was a time when "Baby Got Back" was going to destroy society a million times more than Janet Jackson's nipple, Miley Cyrus Twerking, and "Blurred Lines" combined.  But basically if you do anything, you’re pretty much going to offend somebody and social media and blogs like this one help people yell loudly at the perceived injustice that’s currently befalling them. 

I’ve debated, in the past, covering more of the outrage and protests at things, but to be honest with you, it would make me tired, and all three posts a week would just focus on people getting angry at things, justified or not. We are living in a world where people are outraged at a movie featuring a robot trying to fall in love, and the wrong health advice is being given on a show about zombies. OUTRAGE!

However, every once in a while a story of outrage comes along that’s so wildly insane that I have no choice but to say something about it. Not because I’m outraged, but because it’s hilarious, and clearly an attempt to ride the wave of something else popular and grab attention.

So, naturally, when I saw the widely reported story that clowns are offended by the new season of American Horror Story and it’s killer clown, I had to act. 

For those of you not following the amusing story that’s being shared around social media and the internet, American Horror Story is taking the brave stance of putting the very first clown on television that is a killer. (Not including the movies: 100 Tears, Amusement, Clown, Clownhouse, Camp Blood, Camp Blood 2, The Clown House Murders, Clownstrophobia, Clownstrophobia 2,  The Devil’s Rejects, Drive Thru, The Dark Knight Returns, Batman, Fear of Clowns, Fear of Clowns 2, Fraternity Massacre at Hell Island, Frayed, Funnyman, House of 1000 Corpses, Gingerclown, It, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Killyjoy, Killjoy 2, Killjoy 3, Killjoy Goes to Hell, Mr. Jingles, Scary or Die, Secrets of the Clown, Stitches, Within the Woods, and this list wasn’t including the many moves made about real life killer clown, John Wayne Gacy.)

Now, I don’t watch American Horror Story. It’s not a commentary on the show, I actually do want to get into it, but I’m a graduate student that works mostly at night and I have to choose my TV Show watching carefully, and the adventures of a guy who dresses in green and shoots arrows at wrongdoers just about edges out everything else.  It looks like a fantastic show and I look forward to catching up on it when the robots have ensiled my mind and are forcing me to just watch Netflix as they use my body as a battery.

Please not the preceding was a joke and not intended to offend any robots, killer or otherwise. I love all our robots, even if some insane scientist that decided to replace your hands with buzz saws for some reason.

In any event, clowns are putting their giant feet down at this, the very first time except for the movies I’ve mentioned that show that clowns might be scary to some people. This is serious, people, as we must remember to bring dignity to a job that largely requires taking a pie to the face. I mean, this could be one giant comical black eye to the entire profession, as this is the very first time someone has tried to make clowns scary. It's quite a pie in the face to any clown that takes his or her clowning seriously. 

Jokes aside, being a clown isn’t easy. It does take some training, and not everyone can slap on some makeup, learn to juggle, and suddenly declare themselves a clown. My comments are to belittle clowns as performers: it’s not easy and takes a combination of tumbling, mime, juggling, and many other skills that I don’t believe a lot of people understand clowns have to possess.

That being said… this is the dumbest battle in the history of battles. Seriously, it makes the whole professes ion look like a joke. As I’ve noted, American Horror Story isn’t the first piece of entertainment with a scary clown. It’s not the first piece of entertainment on television this year to feature a scary clown. Scary clowns are part of our culture. Pennywise is probably one of the most iconic clowns in history, managing to horrify children of all ages. And don’t get me started on the Joker. Pages could be written on this guy. Pages have been written on this guy. You'd think clowns could take a joke. I mean, seriously, this isn't something that should throw them into a murderous rage.

Yes, I understand that yet another clown story is a pie in the face to the profession. (Yes, I know I used this twice. It made me laugh.) You don’t want something that’s going to give your job a red nose. And I can understand wanting to put your giant foot down, pile 2000 clowns into 4 cars, and go protest the station. But seriously… it’s American Horror Story. One year it was witches. One year, it was ghosts. (The sad truth is we don't know if they are planning on protesting. They "boo" everything. Don't worry this post and it's bad puns are almost over.)  Maybe aliens are next. I personally hope they get around to showing the true terror of kitchen appliances. This year it’s a Freak show, which is something else that hasn't been around for years, and if it was it probably wouldn’t be called a Freak Show. 

Maybe we need to take a few minutes to stop being offended every time someone does anything, and just enjoy that show. Or, you know, set a good example and not be a murderous clown, like the one in the show.

No comments:

Post a Comment