The Spirit of James Franco Lives in Our Hearts

Six weeks is a long time. On this blog, I try to comment on everything from silly science fiction to education to writing to just whatever is on my mind for the day. (Squirrel!), but obviously for six weeks... four weeks plus two where I didn’t really feel like writing anything... I didn’t cover anything. I have a few options here.

1. Go back and write about what happened as if it was timely, even though it’s really not.
2. Just dump everything into a post here, in one glorious mishmash of what’s on my mind. Also, look up if mishmash is a world. Note: It’s not. I’ll allow it.

Thusly, here’s a list of a few things that have happened in the news or around the world that would have warranted full Bad Shakespeare posts in the month of November and early December, but I didn’t get to because I was dedicating my blog to other things.

-Cow and Boy is officially ending! As you may recall, this is the hilarious strip that is like Calvin and Hobbes but with a boy and his cow instead, and was cancelled so that more digital room could be given to reruns of Peanuts, or other comics where the creator died years ago and now they’re just coasting on jokes that aren’t funny anymore. (There’s a new comic that’s just about a circle. Hilarious.)

Sadly, as Cow and Boy went to web comic form, it was limited to three days a week. As of the end of the year, it’s going to be relegated to zero days a week. Before it’s over, go over and show some love at www.cowandboy.com. It’s funny.

-Core Common Standards for Education are out, and now one group hates it and then the other group that is always against the previous group likes it, and there’s little reasoning or evidence that anyone read anything having to do with it. Because everyone in politics is stuck in third grade where if one side likes it, the other side HAS to hate it, which will make the inevitable cure for Cancer awkward as one side is apparently going to have to take a stance against it.

Me, personally? I read the English part of it, and basically it focuses more on understanding the text rather than just trying to repeat a bunch of facts. Which I’m for. So I’m for that part of it at least. I won’t pretend I read any more of it, or understood it.

Quick note: Bad Shakespeare and it’s writer fully endorses any cures for Cancer, no matter who endorses it. Unless it’s Mike Myers. Where’s our next Austin Powers? Yeah, you focus less on Cancer and more on that.

-Another day, another high school teacher fired for something on social media. This teacher’s crime: she posted a picture of her at the beach, with her fiance holding her... girl part. Yep. We’ve reached that point, where apparently teachers can’t do anything outside of school except sit quietly and wait for the next school day to start.

Why am I bringing up this one when there are literally stories every day of teachers being fired or suspended for the crime of being humans who don’t shut off? Well, for one, it’s her FIANCE. Which means they were ready to be married. Also, there was the little fact that they were both coaches. (Suddenly, you might see where this is going.) She was the girls volleyball coach. He was the boys football coach. And only she was disciplined... Hmmmmmm.... Yeah, so once again sports rulez (with a z, that’s intentional) in public schools.

-This is the only other thing with a quasi political bent, and I have to admit it’s recent enough I debated giving it over to a whole post, but apparently we’ve entered a world where Santa’s ethnicity is a hot button political issue because we’ve run out of things to talk about. For those of you who haven’t been sucked in, basically some FOX News Anchor Lady said that Santa was white, then a bunch of people made fun of her, then she said she was joking (look, the debate is stupid but I saw the clip - she wasn’t joking, and if she was, it wasn’t funny.)

It’s really important to me that anyone seriously debating this issue starts off with the caveat that Santa isn’t real. That’s important for this debate: The magical, all knowing, all seeing, obese man that commands an army of elves while riding in a sleight pulled by flying reindeer (one of which has a red, glowing nose) is a fictional character. That means he’s of no ethnicity. Oh, he can be described, but he doesn’t exist. Just as Bilbo Baggins doesn’t look like Martin Freeman “officially”, Hamlet has been played by more actors than you can shake a stick at, and James Franco’s appearance is left up to everyone’s imagination, Santa is part of our imaginations and looks just like however the person imagining him wants to look. We live in a world that has TWO different Captain Kirks, people. Two. Each one dreamier than the last, but they’re also both not real. (Unless your last name is Kirk and you joined the military. In which case... I’m sorry for all the jokes at your expense. You kinda brought it on yourself.)

Why is this a real issue anyone is discussing? The whole thing came from a harmless article that just suggested what I just said: Santa is imaginary and can look however we want.

-I’m disappointed I didn’t get to do my “Bad Shakespeare Black Friday Shopping Guide” this year, which I had planned since last year. It would have included such great tidbits as: 

1. Bear Mace isn’t just a good idea, it’s a great one.
2. Hire your local High School Football Team to run defense.
3. Visit a store with furniture first, bring your Thanksgiving meal and have it on a table for sale.
4. When all else fails remember: lick whatever you want. It’s yours!
5. Remember to be there when the store opens so there’s a cool picture of you screaming as you burst in! Also, remember to have a cool pose.
6. Don’t be that guy. You know. The one that doesn’t know what’s for sale. Research!
7. Mercy is for the week. Sweep the leg.

Whew, I think that just about covers it. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Down with Failure. Up with Cow and Boy!

   

Welcome to post number two for this week’s Bad Shakespeare First Birthday Anniversaganza.

    I talk a lot about failure on this blog. More than I’d like, because I want to be a positive force for getting back on that horse and riding it over the cliff again, because I seem to have an unlimited number of horses. I also have spoken before about a great love of mine, the twisted (now web-based) comic “Cow and Boy” which now resides as www.cowandboy.com. You should be reading it. In fact, if you’re not reading it now, the robots have already won.

    I bring this up because “Cow and Boy” needs help again. As a newly minted, newly started web comic, it needs an influx of readers. A few weeks ago, Mark Leiknes was promoting his new book “Back When We Were Bloopy” which is the bloopiest collection of comics ever, and he noted that he didn’t get as many orders as he hoped, and was going to have to cut back on the number of times “Cow and Boy” was published. It made me disappointed to see. The comic is funny, it’s pretty original, and it’s creator didn’t die centuries ago only to have newspapers constantly airing reruns and slapping “classic” on the page. So why aren’t more people reading it?

    Probably because it is original, and originality scares people. People want the familiar. They want a cat to hate Mondays despite the fact that he doesn’t have a job. They want that football to be pulled away. They don’t necessarily want a kid to be hit in the head with a cat-copter so much.

    Anyway, as someone who is going through a failing streak right now, I can empathize with Mr. Leiknes. It sucks to see something you love go down the tubes. So, Today’s mini-post in keeping with the Anniversganza, and things I love or have learned, I’m directing to you once again to www.cowandboy.com, and to get the word out so more eyeballs get onto that page, and we can start getting more adventures of Cow and her buddy Billy.

    Tell’em Michael sent you. It won’t mean anything. And I have no affiliation with them. In fact their really isn’t anyone there to tell. Just go read it, and try not to laugh.

Twenty Twelve Michael Bay Explosion Monster vs. Cow and Boy

Twenty Twelve has not been the greatest year for me. I supposed I could have written it as 2012, but it looks better when it’s like that. It looks more like the enemy, which right now I kind of consider it. Amongst the bigger setbacks that I’ll eventually talk about one day (including the one that was the REAL secret origin of this blog) there have been a few, smaller incidents that really get under my craw. Despite the fact that I’ve really no idea what a “craw” is and this is just an expression I’m going to steal. And I’ve decided that I can let Twenty Twelve defeat me like it’s some kind of Michael Bay-eqsue explosion monster, or I can buck up and do something about it. So today, I’m going to use my blog as a forum to talk about one of the smaller things, and see what I can do about it: The cancellation of one of my favorite comic strips.

Remember, I said, “Smaller.” When things aren’t going well you look to the little things to make you laugh. When things aren’t going well, you look to the little things to make you laugh, and then you find out said little thing is going away, well... it really takes the wind out of your sails. It’s comforting. Then, the Twenty Twelve Michael Bay-esque Explosion Monster takes that away that last sliver of comfort. It’s not good.

It’s no secret that I quite enjoy comic books. If it is, then go back and read this closer. I not only enjoy comic books, but one of those things that really gets me started in the day are the morning comics. You know, the cheesy ones like Garfield, or the zombie ones that won’t go away despite the fact that the original creator and then the creator’s successor both died centuries ago and for some reason they still need to keep publishing them and take up space for new comics. I don’t really read zombie comics, I tend to stick to things like Garfield, Get Fuzzy, Pearls Before Swine, or one comic that consistently made me laugh, Cow and Boy. Unfortunately, Cow and Boy is being cancelled.

Cow and Boy is a comic that is about... well, a boy named Billy and his best friend, a Cow. Her name is Cow. It has been compared to Calvin and Hobbes in the way Billy and Cow interact, often talking about deep social issues (In fact, one of the funnier jokes involved one of the characters commenting that they liked the comic more when Cow was a tiger.) Then it will take a huge left turn and someone will get smacked down with a cat-copter, or Johnny Depp will get blackmailed into writing a check, or they’ll get attacked by gnomes. Yeah. It’s that kind of strip. The kind of clever strip that comes along every once in a while, the art and the theme make it look inviting... the kind of inviting that draws in those regular readers of the zombie strips, or the long-term strips. Then it hits you with a man dressed as a bear wrestling Billy’s stunt double. That’s the kind of strip that scares people with it’s mad-cap madcapness. People are scared by things that are this brilliant, insane, and clever. 

Now, Bad Shakespeare is no shill. That’s not by some moral choice. No, if someone wants to pay me to endorse something, I’m all for it. And I have no affiliation with Mark Leiknes, the writer and creator of Cow and Boy, and to the best of my knowledge the original writer and creator and not the third in line recycling jokes from the 1960’s. (Garfield sure does hate his Mondays.) I’ve never contacted Mr. Leiknes, either to let him know how much his strip did brighten up my day, or that I’m saddened his comic is ending on the original site, but I’m happy to hear he’s working to try to keep it going in some form. (He has a donation page at www.cowandboy.com. I’m a poor graduate student, so I’ve not had a chance to contribute, but check it out, because everything on the site is funny.)

So what’s the point of all this? Basically what I’ve already talked about, just to draw attention to a writer in need. I’m hoping in a few decades (oh the cars they’ll fly) when I’m a struggling writer, I’m someone’s favorite thing enough for them to write their futuristic space blog that will be beamed into the minds of their readers instantly about how much they love my work. Karma, people, karma. In the meantime, www.gocomics.com which hosts Cow and Boy (and I guess needs  to cancel it so it can have more digital space for Peanuts reruns) still has it up until the end of the year. Make sure you check it out.

I’m going back to battling the Twenty Twelve Michael Bay-esque Explosion Monster for a little bit. But here's a little sampling of why this comic is so freaking brilliant.