Monday, May 7, 2012

Your Handy Mini-Guide to Final Exams

So, it’s final exam season for many colleges. (At least for the college I’m at anyway.) This means for many students, it’s time to start working on that Hail Mary Pass that is the A plus on the final exam that makes up 60% of their grade. Crack open that book for the first time and pull up a chair… As someone who has been through this season many times, I feel I’m qualified to give some advice.

            1. Brain food. This is your typical food that you would consume on an average late night. Think anything high in fat, or full of grease. When in doubt, just ask yourself, “Would drunk me eat this?” If the answer is yes, then you should consider eating it.

            2. Those multicolored things are called, “Highlighters” not “Magic Brain Transfer Device.” Go ahead and color the whole book yellow. It might make you feel better, at least.

            3. Cheating never works. Pleading might. It never hurts to try.

            4. Someone in your class should have been paying attention. You all should have met and established who it was going to be on the first day. If you didn’t, then consider this a valuable lesson when you all get in the class next time.

            5. Caffeine. Just caffeine.

            6. Sleep is overrated. If you weren’t studying for finals, you’d be out partying anyway. 2 in the morning is 2 in the morning.

            7. If things look really bleak, start working on a time machine. Then you can go back in time and remind yourself to pay attention, study hard, and none of this will be an issue.

            Have fun and good luck, everybody. 

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