500th Post: Teach Kids Arts and Humanities

Well, that certainly snuck up on me. If I realized how close I was to my 500th post, I probably would have found a way to power through for a few weeks until I at least reach this milestone. it’s kind of hard for me to fathom. 500 posts. I’ve done this whole thing 500 times, each with varying degrees of success. Some posts were long, some posts were short, but I’d average that I’ve done about 1000 words average. That’s over 500,000 words on subjects ranging from evil robots to evil wizards to kittens to even things that aren’t evil. I’ve gone through teacher training, and found myself not teaching.

When I realized that this was the 500th post for Bad Shakespeare, I thought about it for a little bit. Do I come up with something witty and interesting? Do I make this an introspective post, that focuses on the blog? Or do I write something I’m passionate about.

Then I remember one of the things I tried to write about a while ago, and just couldn’t get out. now that I’m in a better place to write, well… I’m going to finally write about it. And it may be too late, unfortunately, but I’m going to get it out there. 

Today, I’m going to talk to you about Arts in Public Schools. 

I know, I know… I’m not a teacher! I abandoned Public Schools when I left the internship and cast off my teaching… well we don’t really get any special clothes while we’re teaching. I had to wear a tie for a bit, but that didn’t mean a whole lot since I’ve gone on to wear ties in almost three other places since then. But here’s the thing, a lot of the reason I left Public Schools was because I didn’t like what was going on inside of it, and I didn’t feel like being jaded for the rest of my life as I fought it, unable to do anything about it.

The concept of Arts in Schools has actually been a pretty hot topic around my tiny little burg of Fairfax County. I use that kind of ironically because for those of you who are unaware, Fairfax County is actually pretty huge, it’s near Washington, D.C. (And the current setting for The Walking Dead… stay safe, Glenn!) and it’s one of the richest areas in the country. Look up “richest counties” and you’ll see Fairfax County and it’s surrounding counties listed, including Loudon, a place so massive and rich yet underfunded that schools are cancelled when someone says the word “snow.” Seriously, typing that in the same sentence as Loudon has set them back about fifteen days. 

About a year ago, the Fairfax County Public School Board released a brand new budget that naturally cut things like drama, after school programs, band… there was some talk of them cutting sports, but we were assured that part was just “alarmist.” After that they went ahead and voted on a pay raise for themselves for doing south a wonderful job. Congratulations on the pay raise after not having enough money to pay teachers and fund these after school activities that make life easier for students. 

There’s two big issues at play here. One is the constant devaluation of teachers and education in general. That’s a pretty big issue that I’m not going to cover here, I’ve got an entirely different post prepared for that where I take on the two scariest words in education ever, and they rhyme with “Common Core.”

The other issue is the constant devaluation of the arts in general, which is the current trend in Education. Even at the college level it’s not just a removal of the arts or music or anything like that, it’s a fear of anything having to do with the Humanities. There are even Presidential Candidates… mainstream ones that get airtime, not the ones who live in their parents’ basements and run for President every four years… that say things like “We need more welders and less Philosophy Majors.” Presumably so there are more people to be out of work when those jobs are sent overseas or replaced by robots. There won’t be any robot philosophers until Skynet takes over, I believe.

(*Quick note: If you want to be a welder, go for it. This isn’t meant to be negative towards welders, simply negative towards the idea that one is more important to the other. In fact, the one that is more important to you, that’s the important one. My point is, be a welder. Be a philosopher. Do what makes you happy. Some rich dude running for President doesn’t get to define you or the importance to your job.) 

My point is that it’s indicative that we’re spending way too much time devaluing the arts, writing, reading, drama in favor of things that people “think” are important because it’s… more practical, I guess? I guess we’ve created all the art we need to create, and so we can be done with making any more? I’ve long said that these things are the Humanities, they’re what causes us to look into ourselves and think about what it means to be human, and that’s just as important as anything else out there. It’s an examination of what it means for us to live on this planet, what it means as we interact with these new technologies and the capability of them. 

My favorite example is Digital storage. Digital Storage devices have been around for a while. Someone eventually said, “hey, what kind of art can I put on them?” The MP3 Player was born. Another artist played with it a little more and showed it to Steve Jobs, and eventually the iPod was created. Now there’s a war over who can create the best, fastest, more powerful devices, all because artists got a hold of things and told us how we can use them to display art, from new television shows, to movies, to music. 

And that’s the big picture, by the way. I got kind of carried away with the welder thing, so I’m going to pull it back in now, and why Art is important to schools. Being a kid sucks. I don’t know if any of you remember that. Oh, it’s great in the sense that you can play with Legos and less people really look at you if you spend time buying action figures (and if you take them out of the box… EVEN COLLECTORS SHOULD TAKE THEM OUT OF THE BOX) but ultimately, being a kid is hard. You spend all this time trying to find yourself. Maybe you’re smart. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re good at sports. Maybe you’re more creative. Maybe you’re good at everything. But how are kids supposed to find themselves if we not only take away the opportunity to do so, but tell them it’s not important. 

Kids listen. We think they don’t, but they’re little sponges, picking up everything. This latest little budget cut from FCPS is more than a little bit of “well… let’s cut a few things and hope for the best.” It’s telling kids that some things aren’t important. It’s telling kids that may have a talent in band or art or drama that they’re not important. That they’re expendable when it comes down to it, and only those with that lofty description of “something to contribute to society” are the important ones. By “contribute” they mean scientists and engineers. And by “scientists” they of course only mean their approved sciences. 

There’s a great line in Mr. Holland’s Opus that I love. If you haven’t seen it, the movie is basically Forrest Gump but with a teacher instead of Tom Hanks. But, when faced with the budget cuts for the band, Mr. Holland, played by Richard Dreyfus in one of his best roles when he’s not punching a giant shark, looks at the principal and says, “If you keep cutting the arts soon these kids will have nothing to read or write about.”

Which is the truth. While the arts are viewed as expendable, you’re cutting into the very soul of what it means to be human. While arts are expendable, you’re telling kids that to dream is wrong. While arts are expendable, you’re telling everyone that you don’t want to know what it is to be human. 

Again, i don’t know the status of everything right now. I know I was asked to send a letter talking about how arts saved me, and I turned it into a diatribe similar to this. What I do know was that having a theatre program to go to during and after school taught me a lot of things. Practically, it taught me how to read an analyze texts. Practically, it also taught me how to move my body, how to empathize with others, how to think outside the box, how to be creative in a second, and that anything in life worth having takes hard work. It also taught me to take pride in what I was doing. Take pride in my life and my choices. To not put anything on stage that I wasn’t 100% proud of. 

I know that’s no math, science, or engineering, but it was damn important to me. A weird kid who wanted a place to be weird. 

One Year Later...

So, it’s been about a year since I made my fateful decision to drop the whole idea of being a High School English Teacher, and made the switch to the far more lucrative Masters in English. Keep in mind, not a year since I made my fateful post, just a year since I made the actual decision. Roundabouts, actually, I know I’m a few days off. I just remember that I went to the Oscar Movie Marathon, and at some point in my sleep deprived, what the hell was Gravity state, I turned to my fateful companions and said, “I don’t want to be a teacher anymore.”

It helped that two of them were asleep and one of them was wearing noise canceling headphones. This meant she got to get the news later over ribs because I felt like giving ribs to people since I do that well. The other two got the news in the car on the way home.

As I’ve mentioned, it wasn’t an easy decision. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. I mean, I was good at teaching. I had gotten all A’s in one of my classes except for the very first one, which I’m not sure what that means but hey… I got all A’s. I worked hard for my position as an intern, which included taking that damn Praxis test more times than I care to count (4) because the Praxis is totally a measure of how good you are going to be as a teacher and not a money making scheme were a standardized test is required by the state, then the people that graciously offer to run that standardized test (for a fee) also happen to offer… what’s this? They happen to offer classes, books, and anything else you may need to PASS said standardized test. 

Wow, that sure is lucky that this company that graciously offers to run the state’s standardized tests (for a fee) also happen to offer all that stuff out of the goodness of their hearts and also for another fee. 

Some people have noticed, too, in my many retellings of my time as an intern/student/teacher that I’m not always as upbeat as the experience as I may have talked about on the blog. One day, I may talk about the whole story. It involves casting some people in a not as good light. But for now, that’s kind of my decision, and when I’m a little further removed, I may talk about some of the other concerns that I have as someone who viewed the teaching world from the outside but on the inside for a little while. The problem is that it involves casting some people in a not-great light, and I know they do not frequent but visit this blog from time to time. I’m not afraid of offending them, I’m just sort of… done with them. 

No, today’s post is all about… where are I now? (Also, I sometimes get people correcting my grammar on these posts, like human versions of the Microsoft paperclips that everyone hated. Yes, I know I wrote “are”. It’s a joke on the articles, “where are they now?” Yes, jokes you have to explain amn’t as funny. See what you made me do?)

I’m a pretty creative person. I actually have an entire novel written about Nicolas Cage trying to take over the world with magic to discuss that. But that’s neither here nor there. But part of this creativity is that I can’t always shut off my brain. From time to time, I’ll lapse into little moments where I try to think about whether or not something looks like a dragon, or whether or not that snow falling is actually little alien spaceships driven to take over the world. It’s actually pretty healthy. But part of this creativity, is that I wondered… what if I stayed with the teaching program?

I probably would be pretty burned out already… I’d be done with my Masters on the one hand, but I’d be stuck in a job I really didn’t enjoy. I wouldn’t have gone to England, probably not even for vacation, because let’s face it, I’d be too busy with finishing my masters and really wouldn’t be in a place to enjoy it. I wouldn’t have gone to see 11 plays, or seen London in so much detail that I can still navigate around certain parts of it like a non-tourist. (But will still take pictures of Big Ben if I get a chance to. Well, the clock tower around Big Ben, because… ok, I’ll stop now.) I wouldn’t be in my dream job advising students, I’d probably be stuck in a house I didn’t like. I wouldn’t have the time to get my creative endeavors done… little known fact is that the part that drove me over the edge was when I wrote my final Bad Shakespeare. Oh, yeah, this blog was ending. I wouldn’t have attended Awesomecon, met Billie Piper, and got her autograph on my arm. I also probably wouldn’t have had the courage to finally get my full sleeve tattoo that I love so much. 

You see, the thing is, for a while I was held back, and the only person hold me back was me. I wanted to go out and do fun things, but I needed to stick with my full time job, save money responsibly, buy a house, have 2.5 children, save for retirement, then… then I could pursue my dreams? But, then, as I grew miserable in my full time job - and this I’ll point out had nothing to do with the job since I loved everyone there… well, not that guy who smacked his lips when he ate. He I just liked. Anyway, I needed a way out, because I was getting burned out and I hated my life. So, I jumped on the teaching thing because I thought it was what I wanted, and it was far more respectable than the “English Majoring” thing I’m doing now. I mean, I don’t have a real office job. I swim coach. I tutor. I advise. I do any of the million things that come my way. It wasn’t until I realized that I was holding myself back was the problem. 

And we all do this. We take a look at people’s lives around us and we think, “why don’t I have a house? Why don’t have a job that pays a billion dollars a year?” The thing we never ask ourselves, “will this make me happy?” 

Turns out that it took about eleven years, but I learned the very important lesson that being happy is way more important than fitting in any day.

So, it’s been a year. I’ve had some amazing adventures… things I never thought I’d do. I’ve made some decisions about my life. Important ones. I’ve been able to admit to myself all those things that I didn’t think a responsible adult would be able to admit to himself. Is some of it selfish? Hell, yeah it is. We need to get over the idea that all selfishness is bad. A lot of selfishness, as it turns out, is pretty awesome, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. But my point is that none of my adventures or growth as a person would be possible if I didn’t sit back and say, “oh. I don’t like what I’m doing. Let’s move forward.” 

It’s been a great year. Now, let’s see what adventures the next year is going to bring. 

Thanks, Teachers!

    Normally I reserve this space for entertainment stuff. Breaking Bad (if I add the word “spoilers” to that I get a ton of hits for the week), Summer Movie Season, and coming next week, information on Deep Space Nine, the Deep Space Nine-iest of the Star Trek series. But today I wanted to talk about something else that I think is even more important.

    By now we’ve all heard about the devastating tornados that cut through Oklahoma earlier this week. Fortunately we’re getting some good stories out of it, and one of the best things has been the stories about the brave teachers that helped save the lives of those students. It’s a reminder that the best teachers aren’t just there to read some facts and hope that some students remember them. It’s a reminder that teachers are supposed to be there for students. Granted, you always hope and pray that it’s not during L. Frank Baum story, but the best teachers are there for students, at any time.

    I’m extremely happy to see that so many teachers are being recognized for acting quickly and getting to those kids to safety. Thank you, all of you.

    Not a long post today... I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to those teachers who were dedicated to getting those kids to safety. Remember as we head towards Memorial Day Weekend, do something to remember the tornado survivors, and remember they need help. Consider donating to the Red Cross or looking up the charity of your choice that can help them out.

The Answer is A). Standardized Tests Suck

            

                                      Shakespeare cat hates Dixon Ticonderoga Pencils

                The name of the cat in Macbeth is Greymalkin.

                I do have a point with that first statement, and we’re going to get back to it in a little bit, but last week while I was talking Star Trek and phasers and pew-pew! Warp speed, Mr. Sulu! I know that some kids were sitting down to take the Standards of Learning Tests. (Known as SOL’s.)

                I want to make this perfectly clear: I hate standardized tests. I don’t feel they contribute much to society except the amazing ability to take one day of a kid’s life and say, “take this test” and hope for the best that the kid remembered enough facts to fill in an oval with a number 2 pencil correctly. I’ve never seen a number 1 or number 3 pencil, so I’m not sure why we stuck with number 2. God help you if you use a mechanical pencil, pen, or crayon. You will use a Dixon Ticonderoga Number 2 Pencil, and you will love it.

                Of course, in memorizing these facts long enough to make sure that kids can fill in an “A” properly, there’s very little focus on whether or not anyone is understanding the answer properly. That brings me back to my first statement up top. The name of the cat in Macbeth is Greymalkin.  So, um… where does he show up and why is he important?

                Greymalkin has one mention: when the witches are casting one of their spells, or doing whatever it is they witches in that play do. Did they set Macbeth on a path with newly stoked ambitions where he believed him invincible enough to plot the death of a king, and later his closest friend? (Oh, spoilers for Macbeth. ) Or did they accurately predict the future, one that would not be altered had they not encountered the future king wandering around the forest? Or was it all a dream, and the lost ending featured Macbeth waking up and finding Patrick Duffy in the shower. (Oh, spoilers for Dallas, too, I guess. Shakespeare and JR. You’re getting it all today folks!) And where does Greymalkin fit into all of this?

                The official answer, of course, is that he’s a familiar, which puts the witches in league with the devil. Also, if you read carefully and do that research thingy, you may find that possibly many of the witch scenes weren’t written by William Shakespeare. In fact, there’s an entire scene that clearly wasn’t written by him, and added later. (I’m going to let you find that one on your own. RESEARCH!) But again, where does all of this fall into the grand spectrum of my point, that has been lost amidst the jokes about Macbeth and the not easy target of mentioning that Patrick Duffy once placed Aquaman?

                Quick, which play featured a cat named Greymalkin?

A.      Macbeth

B.      A Doll’s House

C.      The Importance of Being Ernest

D.      The Book of Mormon

You hopefully picked A and filled it out on your answer sheet, filling in the oval completely. Yay! You have done the bare minimum to pass the test! You can’t tell me the significance of the floating dagger in Macbeth, the rise of feminism in A Doll’s House, the Importance of Being Ernest’s satire of the rich, or why the Book of Mormon is an important musical. (It’s like brand new, but the soundtrack is awesome. You should see it. And take me.) But you can name a cat that showed up in one line of a play. That’s cursed. And the cat doesn’t really do anything. He doesn’t slay the title character. (I really have to stop saying it’s name.) He doesn’t even really represent anything, other than the tidbit of knowledge of what real witches talked like back then. It’s like someone studied Nicolas Cage for a few years then wrote True Blood because they assumed that all vampires talk and acted like that. (I just imagine his house is very much like that show.) That’s my point. Knowing one random fact proves nothing. Being able to bubble in a letter proves nothing. There’s no mention of the understanding behind the fact. This is true of any subject. Boiling things down to one stressful day doesn’t help. It only seeks to apply a black and white answer to an increasingly gray world. (A Greymalkin world? No? Anyone? Is this thing on?)

Of course, if you’re unsure of what to pick, I’d go with “C”.

This Post Gets a SparklyFace Unicorn!

    Obviously, I am taking classes to be a teacher.
   
    I mean, if I wasn’t, then I’m just a guy with opinions and a forum for them talking about something I knew little about and just had a passion for. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing, the only real qualification for having a blog is passion and the ability to write about it. But, I digress.

    Many of my teacher in training/now teaching friends do read this blog. Hi, teacher friends. I’m going to talk about something that really annoyed me during classes. I can assure you, none of you are involved in this, because I tended to avoid the people I’m talking about.

    Teaching is somewhat competitive, but I have noticed that it reaches a broader group than most other fields. Just looking at my classes will tell you that, it was difficult to really lump them into one “group.” Well, that’s a little bit of a lie, that statement is true of my general teaching classes, the English classes were mostly... well, we’ll say not male. (that means there were an average of 3 guys in each class.) That’s not important, to my story, though, and my annoyance. (I’m building to that. I’m allowed.)

    Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. The other thing about teaching is that there really is no one “right” way to do it. The kids learn the materials (you succeed!) or they don’t (you’ve failed.) There are a million different ways to teach kids, and your job as a teacher is to adapt to each of those different ways. The problem with this is that’s really difficult for anyone to stand up there and say, “yes. that is how you teach kids. You have reached 95% on the teaching simulator. Here is your diploma.” As a result of this fact, some of the best teaching teachers I’ve had are the ones that give us open ended assignments that make us get creative, think how we may handle a situation, and won’t require one specific way to do something.

    Sadly... there are those that can’t think in those terms. They’re what I like to call the “A Squad.” Because no matter how much we are supposed to think about what we are doing, or what we want to do, they want to get that A. They want to be told the EXACT SPECIFICATIONS for getting that A. And that’s annoying as finding a hair in your burrito. Sorry, I just ate a burrito as I’m writing this. There’s no hair, but I’m like, what if there was? I digress.

    There’s no one right way to teaching. What works one day will fail hilariously the next. (I say hilariously because you have to look back in laughter and what doesn’t work. Otherwise, the crushingness will crush you.) It requires adaption, and the best and brightest I’ve seen succeed are the ones who have gone on and found ways to adapt. They were the ones when we got these brilliant, wonderful assignments would get to work, not waste time raising their hands asking if presenting it one way or another would result in an A.

    Of course, that’s just a minor observation in the world o’teaching.

I Enjoy Parties, But I Never Can Pick the Right One

               I was all set to do a full length feature post on a new law in Missouri where students can now refuse any assignments that conflict with their religion. Oh, the fun I was going to have, suggesting that I was going to head to Missouri and start a new religion that rejects your barbaric notions of “Algebra” and baptisms into said religion would cost oh, let’s say, $100. Then I realized that this would have been my third post on something political in the space of a month. (I’m not counting the Rush Limbaugh thing. That was me making fun of someone who said something stupid, his politics had nothing to do with it.)

                The sad thing is, I really don’t intend for this to become a political blog. It’s my blog on my journey to be a teacher, as well as some of my comedy. But the thing is, I will forever comment on anything I see going on in education that disturbs me, because that’s why I’m going into education… to make a difference. Not just on the kids, but because I’m tired of seeing how the education system is run lately. And I carefully consider my options: I can sit on the outside and complain, or I can get in there, make some enemies and do something about it. But that introduces the sad thing into this blog… politics has gotten too intertwined with education.

                All due respect to Mitt Romney and Barack Obama our two leading candidates to run this country, they have not spent any time in the classroom beyond their school years, and any parent-teacher conferences that I'm sure are pretty horrifying for teachers. (I don't care who you are, once the men in the sunglasses and suits show up, it's time to be a little nervous.)Hey, there’s no shame in that. That’s like, 90% of everyone, right? I’m not calling them out on that. I’m calling out them, and any other politician that claims to know the first thing about teaching. Hey, I know very little about defense spending, taxes, or setting up Congressional Toga Party Wednesdays, so I stay out of those areas. (Do only the committee chairmen get to wear the laurels? Does everyone don a white toga, or is there one sad senator that has to use the Star Wars bedsheets? It's very complicated.)

                But education has to be separated from politics. Politicians don't know about how children need to be educated. They can only pander to a vocal group of people that are serving their own agenda, whatever that may be.  The idea should be this: We train the next generation as best we can, because they are the ones taking care of us. I want the doctor that replaces my heart after the Robot-Human war to be fully trained (and 100% human. I just don’t trust them after they rose up and took over Canada.) and be versed in all things medical. We want the next generation to know MORE than us. And none of that involves politicians or politics. Politics shouldn't create a barrier to that because someone "disagrees" with something being taught. (Yes, I know some  of you are saying "but teachers make political statements all the time!". But if your argument is “but teachers do it, so why can’t politicians do it back to them?” then I direct you back to second grade, when your parents or a teacher should have taught you that was not a valid argument.)

                One of the most painful moments in my recent history was watching the ongoing saga of the Unions in Wisconsin. Again, I don’t know enough to know what all of the issues are with that. It was explained to me, but I just don’t know… my brain doesn’t work like that (No one would explain it to me in Star Wars terms). But I got to watch as teachers got called lazy, uneducated, people who just wanted to brainwash students and take lavish three month vacations during the summer (you know how all teachers take their teacher money and head to their third homes on the coast after a year of telling students all about "history" or "science")… all by politicians who were trying to demonize the teachers union. That was harsh for me, particularly as some family members chose to take the side of those calling teachers evil, useless, or just in general a waste of a profession. Usually by writing it down, not noting the irony in that. It made me feel exceptionally unimportant. It still does. It's one of the harder things I've had to get over when I decided to become a teacher. But mostly, it made me angry. 

I don’t care about politics. I care about William Shakespeare. I care about Neil Gaiman. I care Dave Barry. I care about Jane Austen. I care about passing my love for literature onto the next generation, and hopefully letting them think for themselves. I don’t want to be mired in the politics of teaching that Banquo may or may not have been a ghost (because ghosts aren't real!) or being demonized because I taught a book that some politician hasn’t picked up in sixty years had a bad experience with and decided that no one else should learn it. (Yes, Congressman from New York… we know you got a C plus on that paper about Brave New World. I don’t think that’s grounds for having all the copies destroyed.) The fact is, that I should be able to do a million posts about all the education stories around the country and never once mention "Democrat" or "Republican" or "Green Party." (Just kidding. No one talks about the Green Party.)

                So, back to my original point: Politicians need to stay out of education. No, we don’t need a law in Missouri saying kids can refuse assignments based on religious grounds. (I suspect that anyone refusing to do a project on evolution may not be barred from playing sports on Sunday, as mentioned in their religion.) Let’s not rewrite history books in Texas because you disapprove of Thomas Jefferson’s writings and teachings. Let’s not demonize teachers by misrepresenting them. Let's not pull funding from failing schools and hurt them further.   Let’s not demonize students for wanting to go into higher education and learn something.

                This turned a lot more soapboxy than I intended. I will not apologize for that. This isn’t as funny as some of my other posts. I will go back to comedy soon, and yes, some of it will go back to blasting stupid things said by stupid politicians trying to score political points with people who disagree with something their kids are learning. But it will be education based, because that's what I understand. That's what I am learning.  I want what's best for students.

               

Instead of Asking "What If" I ask "Why If"

               Once again, disclaimer: I do not know squat about politics, other than the news says that the one guy is running against the other guy, and although there are other guys running no one pays attention to them. I’m a guy who comments on things he sees. Last time it was a well-known Republican and a comic book. Today it’s musings brought about a well-known Democrat and education. I give my opinion. Don’t like’em… there are still plenty of evil robot jokes. You’ll like those, unless you’re an evil robot, in which case I await to serve you my liege. So, here we go…

                A couple of weeks ago President Barack Obama unveiled his “STEM Master Teacher Corps” which sounds like a really bad movie starring Tommy Lee Jones as a retired Drill Sergeant who becomes a teacher to turn kid’s lives around. But in the end, they end up touching his heart just as much as they touch his. (I like Tommy Lee Jones, I just don’t think this is a good career move. Call me and we’ll discuss.)

                Moving on.

                “The STEM Master Teacher Corps” is an elite group of teachers (I’m being serious, this is in the official description) that would work to boost U.S. student’s worldwide performance in Engineering, Math, Science, and Technology. The plan calls for the hiring of more teachers, especially in Math and Science.  (For those who can’t tell “STEM” stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math.)

                This is where a lot of you are going, “yay? I guess? What’s your point? Aren't you always going on about teaching... Isn’t this a good thing?”

                Well, yes, the idea of anyone deciding that teaching is important is a good thing. But pay close attention to the title of this blog, and then pay attention to the emphasis on who he was going to hire. I’ll let it come to for a minute… and there it is. More Math and Science. This blog is called “Bad Shakespeare.” I’m studying to enter the cutthroat world of English teaching. That begs a BIG Bad Shakespearean Question: “Why then, are you studying English? What’s the importance of the arts if even as the President has decided that we are going focus on getting kids some education, we will be starting with science, math, and notably not English or the Arts?

                See, I had mentioned way back at the start of this blog that someone made a sarcastic comment regarding the fact that I was studying to be an English Teacher. Yeah, that wasn’t the first or last one, but while some are focused on the “teacher” part, others are focused on the “English” part. Some people feel that teaching English isn’t important beyond the simple reading and writing aspect of it. As soon as you get done with that part, it’s important to focus on the “real world” stuff, which doesn’t include the arts or Shakespeare.

                But that robs kids of something fundamentally important. Teaching the English isn’t just about showing them how to spell a word or correctly map a sentence, most of which can be done with a computer. It’s this good now, I can’t wait to see how well it’s done when my kids are in school. (Where they’ll all be monitored by robots, anyway.)Teaching English is about teaching something inside of us. It’s learning that each one of these words has its own little personality, and it’s up to you to figure how they should fit together. It’s taking a look at the bigger issues, like who we are as people, and boiling them down into bite sized chunks called “books” or “plays” or in some rare cases, “movies.” (For example Die Hard. That’s right, we’re all John McClane facing down our own Hans Gruber.)

                Humanity has always sought to create worlds bigger than just the stars and the moon or designing the next “wheel.” It’s seeing a beautiful sky and being so moved to tears that you want to write a book or paint a picture, not just being able to break it down to a chemical reaction and saying “that’s why it’s orange.” And none of this is saying these things aren’t important. They’re very important. But why do they have to be mutually exclusive?

                None of this is meant to knock down scientists who are very good at what they do, and are artists in their own way. I mean, I’m sure it was some kind of scientist who invented a way for us to get the McRib so quickly, so I guess they’re not all bad. It’s just that when it comes down to emphasizing a subject, English tends to get lost in the mix. History sometimes, too, but I’m not studying to be a History teacher history is boring that can go away. (I’m kidding. History isn’t boring, but it’s not as thrown away as easily as English and a study of the arts.) But once you leave out things like English and the Arts, you start to leave out critical thinking. You leave out that age old question that humans have been asking since the dawn of time "Why?"

                English helps us look at the world in a unique way. It’s also a uniquely human thing. All animals focus on science, math, or technology… whether it’s elephants figuring out a herd, or a lion thinking of a better way to take down an elephant… but have you ever heard lion poetry (which admittedly would be kind of cool)? Or an elephant try to figure how why he’s here? So, focusing solely on the “important subjects” can take away that uniqueness that makes us human. Then what are you left with? You’re left with robots that can add and subtract, but can do little to tell you the point of it.

It's a Metaphorical Martian. Except When It's Not.

                Today marks a milestone in the world of Bad Shakespeare. This is my 50th (That’s five-zeroth) post since I first started this blog back in April. While I don’t intend to celebrate every milestone (maybe my one millionth). I am going to celebrate this one, as it feels that I have accomplished something.

                I have covered a wide range of topics from evil wizards (still a blight on our society!) to school reform (not until I get into one) to why I’m choosing to do this. Well, I haven’t covered the last part a whole lot. Mostly in my first post. So I want to return to that for today.

                I look back on my first post and I discuss that I am dedicated to doing this. I’m dedicated to the idea that I can make lives better by using my natural talent for teaching and humor to make the world a better place. Maybe I can. Part of what I didn’t discuss is the faith involved in all of this. The faith that I’m doing the right thing, and the several leaps of faith that I still have to take. A couple of those leaps are without a net, or a telekinetic Martian to catch me with her mind powers should I fall.

                We all have faith in something, or I like to think we do. Faith in ourselves is the hardest thing to cultivate. I referenced before [title of show] and it’s wonderful song about doubting yourself “Die Vampire Die.” One of the great lines in it is “why is it that if anyone said these things to us on the street, we’d immediately dismiss them as crazy, but when we say it to ourselves, we can’t help but believe it?” I almost want that tattooed across my forehead. Doubt in oneself is easy. It’s easy to think we’re not as great as everyone else.

                What is important is to work through that. Sort of like some of the doubts holding me back right now… I’ve got more than I let on to people. (Which is why I’m sharing it intimately with the many of you that I know read this.) We can’t let self-doubt hold us back. We can’t let lack of faith in ourselves hold us back. You have to know there is a metaphorical telekinetic Martian that will catch you. (I should really not write these while I’m watching Young Justice. There’s a Martian, and Robin was doing something and fell, and she caught him… it was very exciting if you watch it.) And it’s easy to type this. It’s a lot hard to actually do.

                Also, I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for reading this blog. A lot of you have commented to me that you enjoy it, and I appreciate you reading it more than you will ever know. I hope to continue to entertain you with stories of wizards, teaching, Shakespeare, and my twisted little imagination.

The Adventures of Michael Hock: English Major!

            I work at a college campus. I say this to help set the scene, to make a point that every day I’m up to my eyeballs in college students. I generally see the ones that are going to class in the major that I tend to work (which is light years away from the major I happened to study) but I get a good cross sample of students. The major I tend to work tends to be a hot topic right now, but every once in a while I’ll come across a news story or puff piece or advice from someone that claims to know the deep dark secret to being successful in life and it invariably leads back to one booming piece of advice: “Pick a college major that will get you a job!”

            I touched on this a bit ago with my posting about being happy, but I’ve seen it so much lately (It’s Freshman Orientation season. Which means parking sucks. But outsiders driving on a college campus are another rant.) I feel a need to comment on something. Mostly: DON’T pick a college major based solely on what will get you a job.

            I’ll give you all a minute to calm down in seeing that I picked the opposite advice from the common wisdom.

            College is four years of a microcosm of what you will have in the real world. I didn’t say the real world exactly, but for many people it’s the first opportunity to live on your own, make your own choices with food and money, make your own choices whether to study or chat up that hot blonde chick from Chemistry (Side note: you can always do something to get a better grade) and how to deal with people that you are in close proximity with, but not necessarily by choice.

            But college majors aren’t binding contracts. They’re opportunities. Because you study Micro-Neuro-Chemistry-Surgeoning doesn’t mean you will like Micro-Neuro-Chemistry-Surgeoning, nor will you go into Micro-Neuro-Chemistry-Surgeoning. It means that you studied it. And if you didn’t enjoy it, you’ve wasted a small fortune on something that will make you miserable for the rest of your life.

            I know this because I’ve been there. I always had the same major since day one of college, but I switched focus in it many, many times. And looking back, I can tell you which classes I didn’t enjoy, because I really didn’t do well in them. The classes I enjoyed… the opportunities I took… those were where I had the most fun. And I may not do anything with them. The jobs I’ve gotten cared that I had a degree, not necessarily what it was in. And it took even longer for me to course correct into what I WANT to do with my life (besides being Spider-man). All because I chose those classes to bolster what I thought my future would hold.

            College is on of the last monkey powered rocket car adventures you will have. You may have more, and that's great, but it’s the time you get to try on new hats and decide who you are. (That's not to say you can't make a switch later in life, or it's ever "too late.") But you should spend it studying something you want, not necessarily something that will make you “successful” through the eyes of some arbitrary definition. Success is Happiness.

            Take it from someone who was miserable way to long.

The Most Powerful Word Ever... Apparently... For Some Reason... (By Special Guest Word)

Hello, I’m the word Fuck, and I’d like to say… what the me?

            There is a town outside of Massachusetts that has decided to ban swearing. Anyone who says me can get fined up to $20. This isn’t the only place in the country, either; there are bans all over the place. I think in Virginia beach there’s even a sign that has a few nonsense characters with a line through it to tell people: Don’t swear. (I don’t know for certain. I went there once with the word Felt once, but we spent all of our time at tourist traps.)

            Well, to all of those people making these laws, I just want to say: Me them.

            I mean, seriously? What’s so bad about me? I’m a word, just like any other. I’m in the dictionary for me’s sake! Of course, some people have even tried to ban the dictionary because I’m in it.  Why are people singling me out? Don’t they know that I’m only a “bad word” because people keep saying I’m a bad word? It’s a nasty cycle. Someone says me, then someone reacts, and then I get banned.

            There is literally no difference between me and let’s say the word “Giraffe.” Now, I know Giraffe, he’s a nice word, but seriously? What if I got angry and screamed, “Giraffe you!”? Or if I call someone a giraffing idiot? It’s the same thing. Giraffe may have a more innocuous meaning, but honestly now… we are both words. So who decided that Giraffe was ok, but I’m not?

            Banning speech (namingly me) in public is just a strange step toward a stupid future like in that dumb movie that stars Sylvester Stallone where when a word that has been deemed as “offensive” is said they get fined. Also in that future: Taco Bell is the only restaurant still around, and Wesley Snipes is terrorizing everyone with his fake bleach blonde hair! That’s not a world I want to live in! (Although as mentioned, I wouldn’t be welcomed there, anyway.)

            So take a minute, and realize that a ban like this is stupid. And I don’t hang out with that word often. By elevating language to something taboo, we create barriers that make it impossible to communicate. And words mean things because we give them that meaning. There aren’t any “swear words.” There are words that someone decided that were wrong, so everyone got scared of them for no other reason than someone wanted to create a bad word.

            I’m not sure I have much of a point. Being a banned word gives me some advantages. I mean, I’m mostly used for effect, I’m not really required to hold up a sentence like some other words. (That The guy is so me’d.)  But it also gives me a power that I don’t really have. I don’t change lives. I don’t cause illness or Satan worshipping. I don’t cause crime or teenage birthrates or the ears of toddlers to suddenly collapse. I don’t sit in a hollowed out volcano trying to think about destroying the world. You know why? Because I’m a word. And I only have as much power as people give me.

Very Special Episode, Part 2: All Hail Our Robot Overlords

           Previously, I mentioned that it is important to participate (No Tourists!). Obviously, I mentioned this first because it is extremely important. This next piece of advice I consider almost as equally important.

            You’re going to make mistakes. Make them. Own them. Hold onto them.

            Hopefully, you’re not a robot. We have a while before the robots plan their invasion of Earth, and they will make their own mistakes that will allow a scrappy band of ragtag misfits to overthrow their leadership. But that’s not for quite a while. My point is that robots make very few mistakes, and you're not one of them.

            No, you are going to make mistakes. The drive to get everything right all the time is only going to lead to more mistakes. It’s important to make them, and learn from them. I know you’ve heard the last part of this advice almost repeatedly, almost to the point that you’re tired of hearing it. But this is true. And I can remember I was so focused on getting things “right” that I didn’t take the time to enjoy my failures. My beautiful, sublime failures.

            You are going to fall in love with the wrong person way too early. You’re going to stay up late watching a Netflix binge of Malcolm In the Middle and be late for that “really important” Chem Lab in the morning. You’re going to be in all the wrong classes, drop them, and start taking Theatre Classes. You’re going to be in all the right classes, drop them and start taking Theatre Classes. You’re going to decide college isn’t right for you, and you’re going to go in another direction. The list goes on.

            There’s never a mistake so big you can’t correct it. (Except possibly going skinny dipping at Crystal Lake. The dude in the hockey mask coming after you is pretty much relentless.) Just take a deep breath… and enjoy it. Then fix it, as best you can.

Accept that you are going to make mistakes. Just make it count for something. 

All Aboard the Censor-Ship 2: Die Harder

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post that could be described as “thought provoking” and “handsome” by people who describe my posts (me) about censorship and book banning in schools. At the time, I was working on a banned book project. (Which, if tweaked a little bit, could have been an awesome project on band books, but I digress.)

            This is a topic that I really do wish continue to explore. It fascinates me, the idea that we are so afraid of some ideas that we have to flat out ban them because… why? Is there ever a good reason to ban a book?

            I’m still very much in the camp that banning books is a bad idea, and historically, it has never turned out well. Once you ban a book, you give it more power. Then you also run into that problem that you face with kids (and me) where if you tell them NOT to do something, they’re going to run out and do it. (of course in that case, maybe we SHOULD ban all books…) But someone commented on the age appropriateness of books in the classroom… I’ll give you that, but with a bit of a Shyamalanian twist. I think you have to look at the maturity of students before giving out some books, not necessarily the age. There are some fourth graders more mature than 16 year olds out there. There are some 16 year olds more mature than some television news pundits. It’s all relative, and it’s a difficult balance to try and strike. (Like getting a bear to ride a unicycle: If it’s too big, it’s not funny. If it’s too small, it’s not funny enough.)

That fourth grader may not understand the intricate history involved in the killing your enemies and baking them into a pie to serve to their parents that was Titus Andronicus. (Shakespeare was the original author of Saw. Look it up.) Does this mean that we ban this forever? No. I think it means we wait until they are mature enough to handle the material. (Sixth grade, maybe?) I joke and use an extreme example, but there was a book that we read in my class that did divide some of the students.

It was called Perfect and it featured things like date rape, eating disorders, steroid use, and other problems that we would like to pretend that kids don’t have to face today. I will level with you, it is not a happy book, and it does not have a happy ending. It is not an easy read, and I’m… well, let’s just say well over high school age. Should every high schooler be handed this book and told to read it? No. Do I think with the right students, they could get something out of this book and possibly open a dialogue about these issues? I think it could. Will I ask myself questions in every post? I don’t know… maybe. I know this book divided the class on whether or not it should be taught. In the right setting, it could be a powerful, powerful experience. But we have to give our students the opportunity to figure that out. They may read it and think it’s too much. They may read it, devour it, and seek out more books like it.  I could never pull this book so that no student could find it because I was afraid it would offend or because I want to pretend someone isn’t going through this. The “la-la-la-la I can’t hear you” method of going through life rarely works.  

This is your food for thought for today.  And keep in mind, these are just my opinions, not binding arbitration. This is a difficult subject, and there are no easy answers, and a guy wearing a Green Lantern Ring while he types this probably won’t solve all the difficult nuances behind this subject. (But I am willing to solve the problem of the best Green Lantern: Kyle Rayner. You’re welcome, America.)

I still plan do to do more with banned books, doled out thoughtfully over the course of the next few months because it is a heavy subject, and break it up more. Head to the comments section to weigh in, or email me at shakespearebad@gmail.com.

Rumpus in Peace

“I don’t write for children. I write. And someone says, ‘That’s for children’.”

            Maurice Sendak died today. Well, he died the day I’m writing this, you may just as well be reading this two months from now. But it’s called “setting the mood.” I get to do that, when you have a blog one day, you can set the mood however you want.

He leaves a long legacy of writing books, and everyone knows his most famous, “Where the Wild things Are.” I won’t pretend to be too cool to not have read that one. In fact I read it at the beginning of this year. Its message of letting yourself be who you are is a timeless message. Also, wolf costumes and crowns never go out of style.

            What I admire about Maurice Sendak, and will endeavor to incorporate into my teaching, is his ability to not underestimate kids. This is an important lesson and one we should all remember. Too often we want to sanitize things for kids, pretend that some things are too big for them to understand. And this doesn’t just happen to younger kids, it happens all the time, up to and including High School. We think if we pretend that kids won’t understand something, then they won’t have to go through it. And that’s a terrible disservice we do not only to our children, but ourselves. It’s one of the reasons why books are banned or challenged… in an effort to protect children or teenagers.

            It’s important to note in all of this that “Where the Wild Things Are” was a banned book for a while. Only its popularity eventually rescued it, proving once and for all that “obscene” is a subjective thing. Something is only “obscene” until it can make you money, then it’s “art.”

            However, in order to honor Maurice Sendak, I will plan on putting on my finest wolf costume, wearing my finest crown, and letting the wild rumpus begin. My dinner will be warm when I get home.

            R.I.P Maurice… Rumpus in Peace…

Your Handy Mini-Guide to Final Exams

So, it’s final exam season for many colleges. (At least for the college I’m at anyway.) This means for many students, it’s time to start working on that Hail Mary Pass that is the A plus on the final exam that makes up 60% of their grade. Crack open that book for the first time and pull up a chair… As someone who has been through this season many times, I feel I’m qualified to give some advice.

            1. Brain food. This is your typical food that you would consume on an average late night. Think anything high in fat, or full of grease. When in doubt, just ask yourself, “Would drunk me eat this?” If the answer is yes, then you should consider eating it.

            2. Those multicolored things are called, “Highlighters” not “Magic Brain Transfer Device.” Go ahead and color the whole book yellow. It might make you feel better, at least.

            3. Cheating never works. Pleading might. It never hurts to try.

            4. Someone in your class should have been paying attention. You all should have met and established who it was going to be on the first day. If you didn’t, then consider this a valuable lesson when you all get in the class next time.

            5. Caffeine. Just caffeine.

            6. Sleep is overrated. If you weren’t studying for finals, you’d be out partying anyway. 2 in the morning is 2 in the morning.

            7. If things look really bleak, start working on a time machine. Then you can go back in time and remind yourself to pay attention, study hard, and none of this will be an issue.

            Have fun and good luck, everybody. 

Now if Someone Could Make A Good "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" Movie...

           I’ve talked before about my love of Superheroes and the fact that I truly believe that a lot of modern Superhero stories have their roots in tales handed down from our past.

            Last night I went to see a midnight showing of a movie I have been looking forward to for about four years now: The Avengers. It is, at its core, a timeless story of four men overcoming their differences to work together in battle, and using that newfound camaraderie to take down a giant metal snake monster and aliens coming through a wormhole created by a glowing cube. Yes, it is a timeless tail. If you don’t see evidence of giant metal snakes and glowing wormhole cubes in Shakespearian works, you’re not reading it close enough. I think a glowing wormhole cube is how Hamlet gets around so quickly. Don’t quote me on that.

            What is it about the Superhero that continues to amaze us? The current gripe is that there are too many “Superhero” movies coming out now. But the Superhero story is older than time itself: Tales of people who could do miraculous things have always fascinated humanity. From back when Homer (the blind poet, not the cartoon character) first told his story of a man defying the gods themselves to get home, to Hercules, to Alexander Dumas’ swashbuckling heroes (that spawned several sequels, thank you very much) to Edgar Rice Burrows’ interpretation of a man-ape, to today. The difference between then and now is that rather than keeping these stories in a book, we splash it up on the big screen and follow it up with explosions and twenty minutes of commercials. (This last sentence is brought to you by Hardees.)

            The movie itself was spectacular. I would highly recommend that you share this blog with your friends, go see the movie, and then share this blog again. (The blog sharing has nothing to do with the movie, I just want more people to read it.) Joss Whedon manages to fit together a ton of personalities into a giant big screen epic that would make Homer himself “whoo-hoo” with joy. (The cartoon character. Although the blind poet might not find it too shabby, either.) The special effects are awesome, the dialogue is great, the actors all hit their marks, and there is one sequence that would qualify Joss Whedon for an Academy Award should they not be deathly afraid of the most timeless of stories: The Superhero story.

            The perfect Superhero story to me is one that captures that feeling you had when you were younger. That feeling when you tie a blanket or towel around your shoulders then run around the house with your arms raised making whooshing noises, pretending to save the Earth from monsters or aliens, and always having the perfect powers to stop them. We’ve all done it. Some of us as recently as last week. (whistle nonchalantly.) The Avengers captures this feeling. It is a reminder that no matter how old we get, we can all remember that first time we all saw a story about someone who could do something amazing.

            I bring this up in a teaching/Shakespeare/literature blog because these stories, while often overlooked, are an important part of our heritage. We can try to forget it, or bury a perfectly good story underneath layers of pretending it’s NOT a Superhero’s story or a fantastical tale that stokes our imagination, but that doesn’t change the fact that all of us in the audience are wishing we are able to fly, lift a car, or rush in to save the day. This is all stuff I have said before, but I feel it is important enough to reiterate, especially this weekend when America will be firmly divided between those going to see the Avengers, those who got to the theater too late and are stuck seeing Five Year Engagement, and those who are too “high above” such silly entertainment to give it a fair viewing.

            As for a review of the movie itself… I give it 10 Yorick Skulls out of a possible 10.