Gown Houses Would Be A Great Band Name

So, the Oscars are over, the fancy gowns are being put back into their fancy gown houses, the winners have finished calling all the people who rejected them in high school, and somewhere someone is clutching a losing office pool cursing the day he put his faith in Robert Dinero to win in a comedy. Also, Anne Hathaway better be clutching an Oscar right now, damnit. Not just because she has the same name as Shakespeare’s wife, and the name of this blog is Bad Shakespeare.

I’ll be pulling the curtain back for just one moment... I was awake for 24 hours watching the Oscars, so I’m going to bed well before the show starts, so this is being written before I know the winners. So I’m going to 1) really hope I don’t have to change that Robert Dinero joke in editing and 2) I would like to congratulate [INSERT NAME OF WINNER HERE] on winning the Oscar for best picture. While watching it, I totally felt that [INSERT NAME OF WINNER HERE] was going to win, despite any jokes I made about it.

However, I’m taking this post to answer a pretty good question: Why? Why did enter a movie theater at 10:00 on Saturday morning and not exit until 9:30 on Sunday, more sensitive to light and now consisting of 20%  more popcorn than when I walked in?

Why not?

I love movies. That much is evident. If I’m watching nine in a row, it’s probably pretty clear. Either that, or I hate them and I enjoy torturing myself.

The other question is why I felt a need to write about it on this blog? Why blog about movies like this?

Because great movies are like literature. They tell a story, they have their own symbols, their own unique ways of telling those stories, and they can be studied the exact same way as books. We study Shakespeare’s plays, which were essentially the movies of back in those days. (I can’t wait to see Quentin Tarintino’s Titus Andronicus. Look it up. That William Shakespeare’s version of a Tarintino movie.)

So why can’t we study movies the same way. Ang Lee’s The Hulk is chalk full of symbolism, subtle moments, and Jekyll and Hyde themes that should be studied and examined, not mocked because it wasn’t superheroy enough. (Although Mark Ruffalo’s Hulk ruled in it’s own way.) It should be studied not just for their film merits, but for their literary merits as well. A good character is a good character, whether written or seen on the screen.

Let’s take one of my favorites of the day, Django Unchained. We find out everything we need to know about King Shultz in the first five minutes of the movie: He hates slavery, he is a businessman, he has a code of honor... all without it being spelled out. There are flashbacks to important moments. Quentin Tarintino did what a good movie should be, he constructed a novel on the screen with many interlocking parts. Of course, because it’s violent and people use naughty language we’re supposed to ignore that. Literature wise, this was probably one of the most well constructed movie-as-a-novel that I’ve seen in a while. 

There was another movie like that called Cashback. This was about a young artist who’s girlfriend breaks up with him and finds that he can stop time. (Which is a metaphor. Or something.) But the construction of the movie is more that of a novel: meeting characters, flashbacks to previous events, narration. (Django uses music to narrate parts of it. And it is fantastic.)

But I do enjoy seeing how different filmmakers want to tell a story. Two movies this year dealt with CIA operations... one more recent, one in the past, both with their own sense of doing what was right in the face of different Odds. Where Zero Dark Thirty took on some of the idea of torture, we also had Argo, also fact based, where one of the characters disobeys direct orders to help people. (Although some of it was added to make it more historically exciting.) Also, I’m not equating the two... I’m comparing two themes. 

Love is was a popular theme as well. Although I didn’t enjoy Amour, I have to acknowledge that both Amour and Silver Linings Playbook deal with love, and what we are willing to do for it. (Again, themes. One dealt with horrible end of life decisions vs. a dance competition and letting go of the past. Themes. Not direct equating.)

But why wouldn’t we acknowledge these themes the same way we would a book? Why wouldn’t we examine the other symbols, the other ideas presented in these movies, like we would any other book? These are just examples. Literature is literature, whether presented by William Shakespeare in a play, or Bradley Cooper dancing.

Just a little something that we need to think about during our post-Oscar’s glow.

Bad Shakespeare's Oscar Picks!

Ok, ladies and gents... Bad Shakespeare and Company have watched all nine Oscar Nominated movies, and I’m ready to make some picks, so you don’t have to. Also, I’m saying who I think should win, which may be different than the experts. I’m cool like that.

Best Picture: The toughest thing about picking Best Picture is the fact that I saw all the pictures at once, so they’re blurring together. I have them mostly sorted out, but someone is going to have to explain to me why Lincoln stole Jamie Foxx’s wife and he enlisted Ben Affleck to save him.

Honestly, I would like to see Django Unchained win. Quite frankly, it was just different than any of the other nominees and it was simply an amazing film with everything combined, acting, directing, writing, music, the profanity...... even the laughs and the drama were incredible. This was everything I wanted in a movie. Yes, some parts were uncomfortable. But anyone who says that this was uncomfortable, but the diaper changing and shower scenes in Amour weren’t, is messed up. But there’s no way it will win.

What should win is Argo. Hands down, one of the best movies of the year. I’ve told about a million Lincoln spoiler jokes, but Argo was a story I was familiar with. I knew those hostages made it out of there safely. But I was still biting my fingernails towards the end, and I was still wondering if they are going to make it. That’s how you make a movie.

Lead Actor: I’m going to have to go with Hugh Jackman. He basically did what every last person on this list did, but he did it while singing. Plus, this is something that’s missed out on people: He’s Wolverine. No, I’m not saying that because halfway through I expected the claws to pop out. I’m saying go watch one of the X-Men movies, then come back to that. Tell me that’s not a spectacular actor.

Lead Actress: Jennifer Lawrence. Look, I don’t think Silver Linings Playbook was a fantastic end all be all movie. It was great. But I can’t deny the fact that she was amazing in it as a severely damaged woman, sort of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl from Hell. I wasn’t sure if she was going to fall in love with Bradley Cooper or rip him to shreds. Even after they’re in their happily ever after, I’m still not sure.

Actor in a Supporting Role: Yeah, if that’s not Christoph Waltz, I don’t know who is. He commanded every scene he was in, he took over the role, and I was rooting for him about five seconds after he was on the screen. I’m going to be disappointed if I ever meet him and he’s not in character as Dr. King Shultz. 

Actress in a Supporting Role: If it’s not Anne Hathway, the winner should just play a Youtube Clip of her singing “I Dreamed a Dream” and try to pretend their role was better. It wasn’t. Plus, she was Agent 99 in the film version of Get Smart, so don’t tell me she didn’t pay her dues.

Since I haven’t seen all the movies in creation, I won’t worry about the minor technical awards like “Hair Styling” or “Writing.” But I hope you enjoy the Oscars! Personally, I’m going back to bed.

Also: a very special thanks for the “and Company” part of this. This is usually a solo effort, and attempting to write nine reviews in 24 hours wasn’t easy. So I wanted to say...

Thank you to Marissa for convincing me to do it and going to get extra popcorn and soda while I was typing away on my ipad, and jumping every time the tiger appeared out on Life of Pi and keeping me awake.

Thank you to Kim for coming up with the first few titles and a few of the better jokes, and for bringing yummy treats that helped avoid a few extra trips to the candy bar.

Thank you to Kati for not spoiling the ending of Lincoln despite the fact that I kept begging her to tell me what happened. 

Thank you to Jerome for going to get the dinner, which was crucial at that juncture as I was busy catching up on these posts, and I was tired of popcorn. 

        Thank you to everyone who came with me for understanding when I rushed off to type a review after each of the shows. I wasn't being anti-social, and I love you all.

        And a special thank you to all of you for following my adventures!

Anyone Want to See a Giant Pig?

On 30 Rock, there was a recurring gag where Tracy Jordan won an Oscar for a movie called Hard to Watch, which was a parody of Precious, but could also apply to Beasts of The Southern Wild. It was tough to watch, but every part was tough.

Poverty? Check. Abusive father? Check. Absent mother? Check. Abusive father dies? Yep. Natural disaster? You t it. Child in danger? Yup. Maybe it's because I am tired and cranky, buy I couldn't get into this movie. It's just so sad, but still tries to be fairytaleish, from the giant pigs to the VoiceOver of the young girl who doesn't understand what is going on.

It just tries so hard to be a triumph and tragedy.

Bah. I just didn't enjoy it. I've been up for 24 hours. I'm always hardest on the the last movie. I always want hem to go out with a bang. This was more if a "meh." It was made to be nominated.

That's that. That's the marathon!! I hope you enjoyed Bad Shakespeare's live blog of the event.

Next up: bed.

Manic Depressive Pixie Dream Girl

Eight down; one to go.

We just finished the Academy's token comedy, Silver Linings Playbook, which shows us that real healing comes from dancing with someone who may or may not be crazier than you, but is plenty hot. Also, Chris Tucker, who is surprisingly in a role where he's not shouting opposite Jackie Chan.

While there is probably more chance of Jennifer Lawrence hopping off the screen and dancing with me rather than this actually winning the Oscar for best picture, this really was a great movie. It was very different. Oh, it jumps toward the predictable ending... Will the two damaged people find and heal each other? (Yes. If you think no, you aren't paying attention.) But this has the same thing Django had. It was different. I wouldn't expect it to be nominated. It was like a less dark version of as Good As It Gets with a more attractive cast.

The thing was, even as you watch it knowing that they were probably going to get together, the movie is a fun journey. It's cool watching these characters on screen. You wouldn't want to go get raisin bran with any of them, but they're fun to watch. And that's what makes a great movie, at the end of the marathon, fun to watch.

And Bradley Cooper is easy on they eyes.

Next up: Beasts of the Southern Wild. I know nothing about this movie than it is sad. Really? End with sad, too?

Hope Floats... With a Bengal Tiger

We are in the home stretch. Just two more movies to go! We've been through seven in a row! Good morning, everyone.

Life of Pi is about a kid named Pi who survives a shipwreck and finds God with a CGI tiger. Not a bad movie, but does suffer with a lot of unnecessary 3D (it's like the God metaphors are jumping right out at you!).

It's no surprise this was nominated, but falls short of the other nominees so far. It does have a good message about just living your life, faith, and whether bananas float. It's 5 a.m. I don't feel like looking it up.

I'm kind of surprised that Ang Lee did go so heavy on the CGI, because the story could be told a lt simpler, and may have been a bit better for it. But I guess it would have been harder to wrangle a real tiger. I'm not sure I haven't tried it... Yet.

Regardless, I am counting this as Church.

Amen.

Next up: Katniss and Face from the A Team remake dance their troubles away.

Where's Bin Laden?

We have reached the first milestone of the night! The first movie where large swaths of people have fallen asleep! And it's a shame, Zero Dark Thirty was pretty good.

I won't lie, it's a brutal depiction of violence, and the raid that eventually killed Bin Laden. Not the feelyest good movie, but an awesome one. It's tough to be funny with this one, especially since its so late. But I'm a trooper.

On of the more fun surprises is Chris Pratt from Parks and Rec as one if the soldiers who took down Bin Laden. He's a funny dude, but this funny dude can act. And it's splendid.

And like I said, this does not hold back. Not the companion piece to singing Frenchmen that you might think. But the brutality adds to the movie. It reminds you that war is hell. That fighting for what you think is right will always have a cost.

Whoa. Got deep there for a moment. It's three a.m. And we've been here for almost 17 hours at this point. And awake for that long, too. This s when the movies get really good, or really bad. Wooo!!

Next up: someone decided a spiritual 3-D move would be great for 3 a.m.

The French Are Revolting!

I know. They're disgusting!

Just a little Mel Brooks humor for midnight. We are past the halfway point with only four movies left, and we just finished Les Miserables. The timeless classic of redemption, singing, and French Revolution. Also, Russell Crowe, who's really not that bad. I say this because I'm physically afraid of him.

Great movie. We all enjoyed it, had a great time, and only sang along to half the songs, and a good time was had by all. The movie is spectacular, and if Anne Hathaway doesn't win all the awards, there's no justice. I say this because I'm afraid of her, also she has terrible taste in men so I'm right up her alley.

The movie does justice to all the characters, songs, and sets, especially my favorites the Master of the House and his Wife, who is played by Helena Bonhman Carter playing Helena Bonham Carter.

All enjoyable. Next we head to Zero Dark Thirty, the third movie where the ending is spoiled by historical events. Fourth if you pretend Django was real.