Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Baby, It's Hot Outside

              Today in Washington, DC and the surrounding areas that I could name but if you don’t live here won’t make any sense other than “The areas surround Washington, DC” we are headed once again for over 100 degree heat. It’s been a weird weather year for us here, and has included an Earthquake or two. If I see a plague of locusts, cats and dogs living together, or frogs falling from the sky, I’m out of here so quickly…

                Anyway, rather than just complain, I’m going to go ahead and offer some Bad Shakespeare ways to beat the heat!

                1. Remember, the Metro Gods are allowing you to bring bottled water on the Metro now, so you’ll have something to drink while you sit delayed in the car that doesn’t have air conditioning. This is a reprieve to their previous decree that no amount of consumables should be allowed in the Metro, including mustard you have spilled on your shirt. 

                2. If you are a superhero and you are fighting a cold-based supervillain, maybe you just let them go today. I mean, they’re not really hurting anyone, except with their terrible ice-puns. So just for today, you let them go. We’ll all understand.

                On that note, if you’re a superhero who usually fights in black leather, maybe today is the day you introduce your “casual” crime fighting outfit.

                3. The public pool is a great place to hang out and cool off. Just try not to think about the four hundred other people who have the same idea that you do. Driving around in a hot car for 45 minutes looking for a parking space will at least allow you to run the air conditioning for a bit.

                4. A movie is a great place to cool off, especially with their industrial strength air conditioners. And at a scant 10 bucks for a ticket then another 20 for popcorn, it’s practically a steal. And the movie doesn't really even have to be that good. Which is lucky, because the good ones are probably sold out already.

                5. If you don’t have air conditioning in your car, now is a great time to make a friend who does. When you’re stuck in traffic, just look around for the person who looks like they have it on full blast. (Symptoms: Not sweating, window up.) Just walk over and introduce yourself. It will be fine.

                6. Go hug Henry Winkler. The Fonz was the epitome of cool!

                7. Most of life is all about your state of mind. So, naturally I’m telling you to put your head in the freezer for a few hours.

                8. Remember it’s a lot cooler up north. If you were ever thinking of hiking in Canada, this would probably be the time. Of course, I don’t know what else there is to do in Canada. So you may want to bring a book or something.

                9. And lastly, let’s not forget the power of the hero of Summer, the ice cream man. You distract him, I’ll grab the truck.

               Everyone make sure you are doing whatever you can to beat the heat!


  1. Great suggestions...especially the one about ice cream...not sure what else you said cause all I saw was Ice cream...

  2. Hug Henry Winkler! That's a great idea because you'd also get to ask him why he was in that terrible LIfetime Christmas movie (I've watched 5 times).