The Hamlet Games

         Hi, everyone. Recently, some theatre researchers have done some studies about how the funding of Shakespeare may be taking away from the funding of newer projects, and how even 300 years later Shakespeare’s plays are still dominating the theatre scene. This is particularly important because there are a lot of Shakespearean activities that are going to be associated with the London Olympics Let’s see how he takes the news that he's overplayed after 300 years, shall we?

Int- Hollywood Agent. A sleazy AGENT is working when WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE enters.

AGENT - Willie… buddy… I’m glad you can make it. I’m afraid I have some bad news…

SHAKESPEARE  - There is nothing neither good nor bad, thinking makes it so.

AG- See, that’s sort of what I’m talking about. It seems that you’re overplayed.

SH- Time is very slow for those who wait…

AG- I never know what the hell you’re saying.

SH – Confusion now hath made his masterpiece.

AG- I’m sure you’re very amusing. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Some people are saying that you’re playing way too much, at the expense of newer plays. People are suggesting that they cut back on funding for your productions so that they can produce new plays. This isn’t good, man. It’s really not good.

SH – Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered.

AG – I have to say, I’m glad with the way you’re taking this. But I was thinking that maybe you could come up with something new? It’s been 300 years… maybe you could just punch things up a little bit?

SH – Listen to many; speak to few.

AG – I know, new things seem difficult at first. And you’re getting a lot of play on your older works, even if it’s now exact. I mean, look at Twilight, a lot of people are comparing that to Romeo and Juliet as a love story…

SH – Come not within the measure of my wrath!

AG – I know, I know. Not the best example. But you have plenty of plays with supernatural things in it. Can’t we just throw in something for the mopey teens? I mean, we could make Oberon a sparkly vampire, and the kids would go crazy!

SH – Wrath makes him deaf!

AG – Ok, ok, ok, ok… It’s just that you’re important, you know. You’re one of my most important clients, you have been around forever. But kids want the newer stuff, and they want to be more experimental. They want Spider-man, swinging from the rafters. That’s theatre!

SH - Thou hadst been better have been born a dog
Than answer my waked wrath!

AG -  Easy, easy. Let’s just all calm down here. I still never know what the hell you’re saying. Let’s just relax. Ok I have one more suggestion for you. We’ll just rework some of your plays into something more modern, but we’ll keep your characters the same. First up: The Hamlet Games!

SH – Farewell fair cruelty. (SHAKESPEARE exits.)

AG- No? What about Hamlet: The Dark Prince Rises? Hello? (picks up phone) Hey, Holly. Get me Marlowe on the phone.

(end scene.)