Monday, July 16, 2012

Holy Nerd Rant, Batman!

     As you may or may not be aware, the mecca of nerd-dom occurred this weekend that is know as the San Diego Comi-Con. Unless you’re a hipster nerd, in which case it’s way too mainstream for you, and you should shut up and let the rest of us enjoy it. And I while I say “nerd” it actually looks like a really fun time, and I would be there dressed up as the Green Lantern in a few minutes if I could.

    And, as many of you may know, I am a giant nerd that loves comic books, comic book movies, superheroes, superhero stories, and the first season of Heroes, before it became all weird and incoherent. So I followed SDCC for any hint of upcoming superhero movies or announcements that would get my little nerd heart beating.

    I’ve been over the idea of superhero stories in the past, and how important they are to our culture. I’ve covered the fact that they tap into something deep within us, and most of the earliest stories are of superheroes, like demigods, the supernatural, and so forth. So this is all natural... we’ve just added more colorful costumes,  CGI, and capes. I don’t care what anyone says: Capes are essential. (Spider-Man would be trusted by the populace if he just wore a cape.)

    While this is fun, one thing really bothers me. Marvel Comics... the group that just made The Avengers, hands down of the the best superhero movies ever in existence, just announced it’s plans to make a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Now, I like the idea in theory... it’s going to tie into The Avengers 2, which is brilliant, and I will be there to watch it and enjoy. But this comic book features a character named “Rocket Raccoon.” I don’t have a problem with Rocket Raccoon. He's a talking space raccoon that fights aliens. It's an idea I wish I came up with because it's so crazy. I don’t have a problem with the Guardians of the Galaxy or even another Avengers movie. I’ll be there at midnight to watch each one, I promise you.

    What I have a problem with is the fact that we are going to have a full fledged Rocket Raccoon movie before we even see a Justice League movie. And this is sad.

    The latest Batman installment comes out this weekend. It is going to be great. But the director, the writers, and the actors have decided that they wanted to take the story of a man who dresses as a giant bat to avenge the deaths of his parents (instead of therapy) in a realistic direction. This means he will not be hanging out on a space station with the Last Son of Krypton, the King of Atlantis, The Fastest Man Alive, or an intergalactic space-cop who controls green energy with his ring. (I LIKED The Green Lantern movie.)

    The new Superman movie was announced at Comi-Con, and while there is a shred of hope that we will see him talking to any of the above, they have denied it, as well, for hope of creating a “prestige” movie and again sucking the fun out of realizing a man can fly. Which means despite the fact that the two are owned by the same comic book company and the same movie studio, we will not be seeing these two on screen together anytime soon.

    Superman is the most recognizable superhero on the planet. You could show the “S” to a kid on the most war-torn planet in the Vulcan System (It’s not real, don’t look it up) and they’d hold out their arms. Superman is the subject of movies that don’t feature superheroes. Batman has been in more TV shows, movies, and books in the past years than any other character. Even the “minor” characters like Aquaman or the Flash are well known. And you’re telling me that putting them in a movie would be difficult? It could be two hours of an all-Justice League arm wrestling contest and it would sell out three years in advance.

    Sorry. I know usually I’d tie this in to something important. Oh, I’ve got it: even William Shakespeare would have known to write a Justice League movie right now! Oh, wait, he was smarter than most of these people: He wrote one of his most popular characters: Hal Falstaff, the fat knight, into Merry Wives of Windsor because he was popular. Boo-ya, you’ve all been Shakespeared. (And my obligatory Shakespeare reference for the week.)

    Sorry. You all know that this was something I was passionate about! Free the Justice League Movie! I’ll return to something literary and/or comedy based next time.

    Same Bad Shakespeare time. Same Bad Shakespeare Blog.

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