Summer Movie Season: The Man from U.N.C.L.E

The spy genre has had an interesting year. The most compelling spy so far has been Colin Firth in the excellent Kingsman: The Secret Service which expertly dissected the spy movie genre. Melissa McCarthy played her Jason Statham-iest role yet in the aptly named Spy which wasn’t quite the dissection but more of a straight “what if Melissa McCarthy was Jason Statham” type comedy. And the world is once again gearing up for James Bond to go darker in SPECTRE, starring the gloomiest of Bonds since Roger Moore put on that clown makeup. Now, we have a reboot of an old T.V. Franchise is The Man From U.N.C.L.E, a spy movie that was directed by an extremely restrained Guy Ritchie. 

U.N.C.L.E stars once and future Superman Henry Cavill as Napoleon Solo, which is totally a name. He’s a con artist who was arrested for being a the world’s best con artist, and since it’s a movie based on a T.V. Show he is pressured into becoming the world’s best CIA Agent, because that’s totally a thing that happens in movies. In 1963, he has to team up with KGB Agent Illya Kuryakin, played by Arnie Hammer to help stop Nazis or an evil heiress that slightly looked like Paris Hilton or something from getting some nuclear launch capabilities. To be honest, the plot is pretty straight forward. Bad guys want X. Mismatched good guys want to stop bad guys from getting X. Can they ever pull together to stop it? Along the way they pick up Gaby Teller (Alicia Vikander) who’s father is building the secret Nazi Bomb and who’s Uncle (I see what they did there) knows where they are. 

Let’s start with the good, because there’s a lot of good in this movie. First, Guy Ritchie, as much as I’ve enjoyed his other films like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch, pulls back from his usual frenetic style while not compromising on his vision. Yes, it’s great that one of his movies is in English but requires subtitles to understand, but this is not that movie. there are still some great cuts, and especially later in the film when Gaby, Solo, and Kuryakin are all trying to deal with their various shifting loyalties, he is quick to move to a flashback or a to re-show a scene that adds something new. For instance, Solo, needing an invitation to the swanky party thrown by the sexy bad guy, steals it from Hugh Grant’s character. It’s a quick scene, shot conventionally like we’ve seen a million times before: guy runs into character and magically, through the power of pickpocketing, manages to grab his ticket. Later, Hugh Grant, who we learn is an agent in his own right, tells the story of running into Solo, and the shot is shown again this time a little less slick and with it being very clear that Solo grabbed invitation, even waving it around at some point. The movie is full of little details like that.

I should also point out that there’s one very funny scene in which the action is taking place while Solo, who was thrown from a boat, sits quietly on the sideline. Rather focusing on the boat chase we’ve seen a million times, it focuses on Solo’s internal struggle on whether or not to help the man he has been ordered to help, so long as it’s useful. 

This movie is also very much set in 1963, which is a bold choice. When the Man from U.N.C.L.E aired on television, it wasn’t far removed from it’s 1963 timeframe, and the Cold War was still heavily on people’s mind. This is unapologetically set during 1963, not bother to update, which is important. It would be easy to update it, have these two characters going up against the War on Terror or something, removing the Cold War tension and slow burn in favor of updating the latest slick gadget. But this helps add to the tension and just in general helps to make a better film. Nothing seems forced, it all works together to tell a smooth film. 

The actors take to their roles very well. Cavill seems more at home in his three piece button up suit than he does his Superman suit (although he did fine in that, too.) Arnie Hammer portrays a very conflicted hero, one that is doing his duty to his family more than his country, who may at any time explode. A lot of the heavy living is done Vikander who must appear to be an outsider while (spoiler) seeming to know a lot more than any other character. 

Now for the bad…

Did you get that? Yeah, this was an excellent movie. It was probably one of the best of the summer. (I’d say “the best” but I haven’t seen all of them yet, but I don’t have high hopes for a Jason Statham-less Transporter.) I really didn’t have a lot of fault with it. This was just a “cool” movie. Slickly done. Not really overly focused on the action, moments of comedy to lighten up otherwise dramatic scenes. Try watching the scene where Solo and Kuryakin trade the bugs they keep finding in each other’s rooms and not have a smile on your face. 

Honestly, if I hadn’t seen this as one of the final movies that was being shown that night, I probably would have walked right back in and watched it again. 

Go. See this movie. You will not be sorry.

I’m happy to award this movie my second 10 out of 10 for the summer movie season.

Amazon Princesses Are Too Far Fetched. Get Me A Talking Raccoon

A few weeks ago, we were treated to a preview for the next next Marvel Universe Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy. (That’s not a typo. The Next Marvel Universe Movie is going to be Captain America: The Winter Soldier.) As readers of Bad Shakespeare know, I’m a sucker for a good superhero movie. I’ve been looking forward to the Captain America movie for a while, and I’ve certainly been looking forward to Guardians of the Galaxy, despite the fact that my knowledge of the comic book is limited to knowing that there’s a genetically engineered raccoon on the crew that can talk and fire a gun along with his plant bodyguard. 

I really typed that. A movie is coming out, aimed at mostly adults, that features the guy from Parks and Recreation teaming up with Uhura, Former WWE Champion Bautista, a talking raccoon voiced by Academy Award nominee Bradley Cooper, and a giant, talking plant who is the muscle of the operation. 

While this looks like a fantastic movie, I wanted to take a moment to point out that this movie is coming out well before a Wonder Woman movie. A talking raccoon. Saving the galaxy. From aliens. This alone points out the big problem with bringing my favorite superheroes, the DC Comics ones, to the big screen.

I’m a huge DC fan. It doesn’t really come from any preference other than that’s what I was exposed to first: Growing up with Superfriends and the classic black and white Superman TV series, reruns of Batman with Adam West, and Wonder Woman with Lynda Carter... this eventually led to me reading the comic books, starting with Superman and moving on to the Flash, and other DC comics heroes. I didn’t have a problem with the X-Men or Avengers, they just didn’t catch my interest the same way.

The problem is that DC Comics had a huge hit with the latest Batman series by introducing a grim and gritty “serious, Oscar nominated” “film” and they forgot somewhere along the way that it’s a story about a rich millionaire in a bat suit. Even the latest Superman movie, which I enjoyed, tried to be serious “film” rather than being a fun story about a guy who can fly. (The other one that tried to be fun Green Lantern, was woefully misunderstood. It was fun. It was enjoyable. Everyone needs to lighten up. He’s a space cop with a magic ring that allows him to make whatever he wants. How did you think it was going to end up?)

DC Comics has been trying to get a Wonder Woman movie off the ground since... a very, very, very long time. I keep pushing for the idea of having a WW movie simply because she’s one of the “big 3” of DC Comics. Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman are considered the three most popular characters in DC comics. And it’s true, show a Batman, Superman, or Wonder Woman symbol to anyone... including people who don’t speak English... and they’ll understand what it is.

So... why are we getting a talking raccoon before we get a movie about one of the most iconic characters of all time?

The truly sad thing is that there was a Wonder Woman movie written... by Joss Whedon... several years ago, and it was rejected. Sadly, this failure forced Joss Whedon to start working on a little indie film that would become The Avengers. I don’t think many people saw it. I’m hoping that one day he’ll get back on his feet. (That’s sarcasm. He’s one of the people responsible for a talking raccoon to beat Wonder Woman to the movie screen. This is what’s called irony, boys and girls.)

So why write about this? Because I care about movies. I care about the comic books that I enjoy reading. I get a thrill from seeing Batman swing across the night sky and knock out the Joker. I love seeing Superman fly. And I’d like, in my lifetime, to see Wonder Woman on the big screen. Yes, I know she was cast in the movie that’s rapidly becoming Superman vs. Batman vs. Wonder Woman vs. Who Else Can We Get On Screen in a misguided attempt to replicate what Marvel did with the Avengers. But she’s playing a bit part in a movie that’s already going to be overstuffed, and probably take itself way too seriously. 

The thing is that there can be a mix of fun vs. seriousness... take a look at Arrow, one of the best shows on television right now that you’re probably not watching. You should go watch it. Now. I can wait. Back? Great, isn’t it? Some of the early goings are a little too serious, but it started to joke around, thats when it started to become fun.

Comic book movies should be fun. We shouldn’t have to wade through so much seriousness to make a fun movie about what should be superheroes... things we’ve been obsessed with since we first invented Beowulf or Hercules... doing superheroic things. I mean... even the latest Iron Man movie, one of the most fun movies to come out in years, decided that they needed to give their main character PTSD in order to make it more realistic, rather than saying “Wow, I just threw a nuclear bomb at a group of aliens!” and dealing with that feeling.

So get it together, DC Comics. Get us some fun movies, including a fun Wonder Woman movie. Sometimes we don’t need everything to make sense. Sometimes, we need a wisecracking raccoon and his tree alien pal. Then, of course, an Amazonian Princess brought to the world of man to fight alongside an alien from a dying planet and a rich boy with daddy issues can’t be too far behind.

Whedon Be Praised! Another Successful Movie Season!

Every movie I’ve seen this Summer movie Season, laid end to end, with the exception of one. I’m missing the ticket from my second viewing of Man of Steel. If you find it, please contact me.

Sadly, Summer Movie Season has come to a crashing close with Getaway. I did not see it, (yet) but young Disney Starlet Selena Gomez playing a carjacker as Ethan Hawke, Race Car Driver follows the instructions of a personless voice to save his wife practically screams, “GET TO A MOVIE THEATER NOW”. It also screams that it’s the exact opposite of Iron Man 3 in that it will lack some of the “pew-pew explosion pow” that makes it a true Summer Blockbuster. No, I ended the summer with a spectacular friend (it’s the same friend as Mortal Instruments, so I need to come up with new superlatives each time) accompanying me to Closed Circuit, which was actually a decent movie. That starred Rebecca Hall, same as Iron Man 3! Hey, the loops been closed! (It also starred Eric Bana, and I feel I deserve a prize for never once leaning over to my friend and saying, “oooh.. .he’s getting angry in this scene... you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.)

Summer Movie Season, the bookends. Considerably less men in Iron Suits in last one, but the first one had WAY less wigs worn by lawyers.

Overall, I went to the movie theater 28 separate times this summer. Of course, the number of movies I’ve seen all depends on your math of it all. While I have 28 tickets, I saw six movies twice: Pacific Rim, Star Trek, Man of Steel, Mortal Instruments, and Iron Man 3. Why see them twice? Because they were awesome. Particularly Pacific Rim, which had the dual appeal of giant fighting robots, Charlie Day playing a scientist, AND Idris Elba yelling cool things about stopping the Apocalypse. I swear, I’d watch a movie that was just him screaming things at people. Which was most of this movie. So I guess I did! Twice! Score!

See how sad the one Man of Steel Ticket is without his brother? Also, the size difference between the two theater tickets for some reason?

The Math is further complicated by this little gem: The Cornetto Trilogy! All three movies: Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End, three fantastic movies on one glorious ticket. And lanyard. And T-Shirt. Unlike some OTHER people that went to a marathon and didn’t get a ticket. (I’m like 90% sure he doesn’t read this blog, so that line may be for naught. But it made me feel better.) The first two were released years ago, and you’ll remember I watched them in the “Thanks Mum” Marathon over July 4th, but watching them in a theater full of... well, people like me... made it that much more worth it. There was line quoting, there were standing ovations, there was a lot of nerd rage at the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman (more on that next week)... but it was an experience. Honestly, one of the best experiences I had this summer at the movies. 

                                                                        I get a lanyard, I get a lanyard...

So.... I’m sure the question you’re asking yourself right now, other than when is he going to show off that sweet shirt, is why do I do it? Why do I go to the movies this many times... 28 times is more than there weeks in summer meaning I doubled up some weeks (Hell, I doubled up some days... swearing again to generate more controversy. Is it working? Do I have to twerk yet?) and more buttered popcorn than it’s probably safe to smell, much less consume? 

I love movies. I love bad ones. I love good ones. I love ones that make you think. I love that for two hours I get to get lost in the world of someone else. I get to get lost in a world that doesn’t exist here. Plus, I get something out of it. Its weird and cliche, but I do learn a little something out of each one, even if it’s that Tatum Channing is funny. Sometimes, it’s deeper than that, like with The World’s End, which was a hilarious movie in it’s own right, but it also had a deeper meaning that I took away, and I want to go watch again. 

There’s also the shared experience. Some people have told me, “hey... don’t go to the movies with someone. Don’t sit in the dark for two hours, you’ll get nothing out of it!” Do them I say boo! BOO, I say! That was redundant. But movies allow you to share a world with a friend. Indeed, I had three friends that accompanied me to the movies this summer (well... we went TOGETHER... but it’s my blog, so it’s my narrative) and I have fun quoting the movies with them, leaning over and making some joke (I’m still ashamed I didn’t make the Hulk joke at the last movie) or sharing that moment that made the movie worthwhile, even if it was the fact that the movie was terrible and we’ll never mention it again, ever. (It was great that they only made two Hangovers, right?)

Anyway, as a way of wrapping up and appeasing the God of Movies, Joss Whedon, I present to you my Summer Movie Season in a Nutshell. 

In Memoriam: The movies I didn’t get to see because they were gone that quickly. We’ll miss you, RIPD (aka Men in Black with Ghosts.) The Lone Ranger could also be described as the only person in the theater, watching you. And Independence Day 2 is looking a lot better to Will Smith right now. But I’ll catch you all on DVD... I’m sorry I don’t have a movie stub for you.

Biggest Surprise: This one is a twofold... The first was that the Great Gatsby was so good. Look, I’m a literature guy, so I was bound to see it. I was surprised by how much I wanted to KEEP watching it, repeatedly. Honestly, had I not seen the last showing, I’d probably go back right away. 

The second big surprise is how much the Hangover 3 suuuuuuuuuccccckkked. Worst movie of the summer, and this is coming from someone who says that John Goodman makes everything better. But they took a funny premise and it was clear that most of the co-stars were just sort of coasting. 

Worst Use of an Accent: Jodi Foster in Elysium. Still not sure what she was supposed to be, actually. Elysium wins a second award this summer for Worst Allegory, which didn’t even try to hide it’s message in the story or the plot, just sort of... told everyone what it was thinking. Which isn’t bad, it was just... disappointing. (90% sure not reading friend, who loved it would disagree.) 

Held Up Their End of the Bargain: I was looking forward to two movies this summer above all others: Man of Steel and Much Ado About Nothing. You know what I wasn’t disappointed in this summer? Man of Steel and Much Ado About Nothing. Loved’em. Can’t even think of something funny to say. Wuzzle Wuzzle? There. That’s you’re funny saying for this post.

Best “Bad” Movie of the Summer: I was surprised more people didn’t enjoy the Olympus has Fallen 2: Die Harder, but I loved it. It was an excellent cheesy throwback to buddy action movies, just one of the buddies happened to be the President, and the other one happened to look better in a while tank top. But the hostages, the betrayal, the James Woods, the action... I think history will be kinder to it. Of course, the Irishman managed to do the same thing without help from the President, so I’m not sure what message it’s sending to our children.

Favorite Movie of the Summer: This... this is something I always play out in my head. This is the moment I look forward to, thinking back and trying to pick out my favorite movie. The thing is I can’t pick based on the movie itself. I just can’t, because of what I mentioned: I don’t just enjoy the movie, it’s the experience. So with that note, I have to go with...

The World’s End.

Hands down, a great movie. The third part of a loose trilogy, so I was saying goodbye (sorta) friends, but I also managed to share it in a setting that will probably never be replicated. It wasn’t just the best movie of the summer, but it was one of my favorite experiences of the summer.

So, that’s it. Say a closing prayer to Joss Whedon. We’re headed into Prestige Season, which means many of these movies will be part of the Oscar Movie Marathon, which I will be part of next year, and then of course the post-January Movie Dumping Ground Season, which produces some of the finest films worthy of the name Nicolas Cage.

I look forward to doing this again next year, Whedon be Prasied!

So... How We Doin'?

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Non-Dr. Who fans, I bid you welcome to the final week of June. What does the final week of June mean to those of us here at Bad Shakespeare, Inc. (Right now “us” at Bad Shakespeare, Inc is just me writing the blog. The Christmas parties are fun, but the Secret Santa exchange is ultimately disappointing.) For us, it means we are about halfway through our Holiest time of the year: Summer Movie Season.

                It has been a fruitful and an interesting one. Somehow a superhero with PTSD from stopping a nuclear bomb from destroying New York City was deemed less dark than an alien who crashed into a few buildings while saving the world. Jesse Eisenberg became a bigger star than Will Smith for one, brief shining moment. The twist that Benedict Cumberbatch was playing Khan managed to fool three people who promptly got into trouble because they managed to stumble into a movie from their Amish commune somewhere.  Maybe the third time and a flying giraffe head was over the limit for a group of heavy drinking, hard partying friends. We got to see cars go zoom-zoom in the prequel to Fast and the Furious 7.  Leonardo DiCaprio proved that he’s unlucky in love and in not dying in yet another movie. Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill, and a bunch of others screened some home movies for everyone. (At least I believe that’s what it was. Who knows.) And we get to complain that there were a million remakes and sequels, but somehow pretend that Much Ado About Nothing wasn’t actually a remake of a remake of a remake of a remake based on a play written well before Madonna put out her first single.

                But me being the friend to the reader that I am, I went out and saw as many of these movies as I possibly could. I say as your friend, but we’ve already established that I actually love this time of year, and I went out and saw them because I wanted to… in the case of Man of Steel and Star Trek, I loved them twice. (Possibly a third time. My love is deep. I’m a carer.) And while I have reviewed or referenced few of these movies in past blog posts, I’m rounding up my thoughts here, mostly because I’m not done with that new Neil Gaiman book like I thought I’d be so I’m short a post for the week. Enjoy, everybody!

                Iron Man 3: Tony Stark is back in his Iron Maniest adventure yet, dealing with the PTSD involved with stopping aliens in Avengers, a ruthless Asian terrorist that speaks with a Midwestern accent for some reason, and guys that can breathe fire! It’s ok, he befriends a little kid and builds like, 900 suits to jump into. Decent movie, tried way to hard to reference The Avengers without actually saying “Avengers”. (Except once. And a cute “Superfriends” reference, thus giving more movie screen time to a Justice League movie than DC Comics ever will.)

                The Great Gatsby: Your English class comes alive in this 3-D spectacle focusing on rich and famous people doing horrible things to each other in the name of being rich and famous. Baz Lurhman directs in the best Baz Lurhmany style, ever. If only there was a way to make the material relatable, English Teachers! Easily one of the best movies of the summer

                Star Trek Into Darkness: Seriously, people? Seriously do you not know what it’s about at this point? It’s Star Trek. I did like a whole week on it. The bad guy is Khan. Someone yells it. Go see the movie.

                The Hangover, Part 3: Can you believe it’s been a full three hangovers since we first met the Wolfpack and their wacky adventures of piecing together of their even zanier adventures of the night before? Can you believe that maybe they should have stopped at one?

                Now You See Me: Like Ocean’s 11, but with only four people, and with more MAGIC! Also Jesse Eisenberg. And Woody Harrelson. It’s like the Zombieland reunion without the humor, and without the other two characters and surprise cameo from Bill Murray. Morgan Freeman is in it, and he gets some exposition, and listening to him talk is always exciting. Yay, Morgan Freeman!

                Man of Steel: I actually reviewed this one. Great story. Great action. Not as depressing as everyone seems to think it is. I kind of think this is the sort of thing where everyone was like “Hey it’s David Goyer, so it’s going to be sad” and looked for the sad and depressing, like we look for the twist in one of M. Night’s movies, but the twist never actually comes and we’re just getting sadder because he even managed to make Zooey Deschanel seem not cute for an entire movie. What was my point? Oh, yeah, great movie.

                This is the End: One of the funniest movies about the end of days starring celebrities as themselves who do horrible things to each other that I’ve ever seen.

                Much Ado About Nothing: I reviewed this one on Monday. You should go back and read it. Twice maybe, my view count for this month is kind of low.

                So, that’s the wrap up of what I’ve seen and done for this particular Summer Movie Season. I missed a few I wanted to check out, like After Earth and Monsters University, but the summer movie season is young, there will be plenty of chances to check them out. And there’s still many, many other movies to look forward to as the movie season moves forward! I just wish the weather was worse. It’s so much easier to justify spending more time in the theater when the weather sucks. Oh, well we all have our burdens to bear. Here’s hoping for another two good months!

A Review of Man of Steel by Someone Who Actually Saw the Movie.

    After reading the reviews of Man of Steel and then finally going to see Man of Steel (my superpower is not letting mediocre reviews keep me away from movies) I really have to wonder if the people who reviewed the movie professionally actually watched the movie or if they knew anything about this “Super-man” that was featured in it. (My personal favorite “jab” was the one saying that there were “no glasses” in this movie, the iconic disguise, when, yep... they were in there.)

    You all know the plot by know, strange visitor sent from a dying planet realizes he’s got powers. This version does a unique thing of actually showing Kal-El/Superman/Clark using his superpowers within the first half an hour of the movie, rather than waiting for Tony Stark to build the damn suit, the spider to bite someone, or Batman’s parents die already. (which is pretty dark when you think about it.)

    This adds another layer by making Kal-El/Clark a bit of an outcast because of his powers, rather than the typical, all-American boy that everyone knows and loves. I liked the change. I like the narrative hopping back and forth so we weren’t just getting a straight out origin story of how he discovered his powers, but the complicated origin story of why he decided to help people. Of course, a giant space ship coming down and the megalomaniac alien on board saying he’s going to destroy the planet if you don’t come forward is a pretty good reason to come forward.

    Other reviews talk about how dark this film is... it actually kind of isn’t. Despite the overwhelming odds against him, including his own people shooting at him, Superman does the right thing and still believes in helping people. There’s a great message about wanting to save the day and using your powers for good.

    The actor are incredible, Henry Cavill embodies what Superman should be, and Amy Adams will make you wonder why there was ever another Lois Lane cast. She’s the perfect Lois Lane, and makes the movie as much about her as it is about Superman. And of course Michael Shannon is an excellent General Zod by way of Michael Shannon. 30 Odd Foot Grunts Frontman Russell Crowe IS Jor-El, playing him with a bit more of a an action role, which is pretty freaking awesome. The one stand-out not really mentioned in a lot of reviews is Laurence Fishburne as Perry White. While this is a minor role, there’s one scene at the end that really embodies what it means to be this character as the soul of the city. He does it.

    Also, for spoilers, there’s one major change at the end to the Superman mythos, but it corrects a long-standing joke. You’ll know it when you see it, but I liked it. A lot. I don’t think it changes anything about Superman or the story itself.

    So, should see it? Absolutely. This is one of the best movies of the summer (Along with Star Trek Into Darkness and the Great Gatsby), and in general is a great Superman movie. Take it from a real Superman fan who’s researched Superman and actually sat through the movie.

    Man of Steel: Five Shakespeare Mustaches out of Five.

He Looks Good for a 75 Year Old Alien

   Man of Steel opened this weekend. It’s the story about an alien named “Kal-El” from a planet called “Krypton.” I recap mostly as a joke, I think knowing about Superman and his origin is probably knowledge we’re all born with, along with the Giligan’s Isand theme song and the fact that there will never be a TV cop as great as Erik Estrada.

    However, I was having a conversation with one of my professors/academic advisor/all around cool guy and he asked an interesting question. “Not counting comic books, what version of Superman is this that you’ve seen?” So, we counted, when we were probably supposed to be discussing something more important. Here’s what we came up with:

-1950’s George Reeves black and white show.
-Smallville, the dreamy Superboy but not really Superboy because of litigation at the time version.
-the Christopher Reeves/Richard Donner version.
-The old Max Fleischer cartoons
-The animated show that came out a few years ago
-Superfriends
-Reluctantly we counted the Brandon Routh Superman Returns.
-The various DC Comic animated movies
-And a few more we’re sure we’re forgetting about.

    That doesn’t begin to count the billions of different Superman interpretations in comic books, including Earth 1 which features Superman at his emo-est, Secret Identity which is a young kid realizing he’s Superman, or even the electro-powered version of Superman that someone thought was a good idea clearly after a night of bad clams. There have been a million attempts to re-define the Man of Steel, the Last Son of Krypton.

    So... why?

    It’s safe to say that long after people beam old versions of this blog into their brains to find out what life was like back before cloning made it possible for everyone to make out with their own version of Scarlett Johanssen (it was a dark time, people of the future) there will continue to be new versions of Superman. Why do we try to understand him? Why do we keep thinking of new ways to interpret and dissect the Man of Steel?

    Superman is an icon. If you took the “S” (or “Hope”) symbol anywhere in the WORLD people would know exactly what it means. Superman stands for something greater than us. He stands for ideals we’d hope we could achieve. Think about it Superman isn’t just more powerful than other humans, he’s more powerful than the Superhumans in the comics. What does he choose to do with all that power? Save people. Help people. Not take over the world. (Although there’s that version out there, too...)
    There will always be a Superman. As reviewers and hipsters try to pretend that Superman has lost his relevance (I’m looking at you, Slate and your moronic story about a hero that actually likes being a superhero not being cool anymore) he’s more relevant than ever. Maybe because we need that hope. Maybe because we want to believe that things aren’t as bad as we think they are. Maybe because it’s just really cool to see a guy flying around.

    So, what did I think of the movie itself? Like I’ve said before, I write these a week in advance, and I’ve not yet seen the movie. I’ll be doing a special movie review tomorrow. See you then!

So, a little movie called

Yep. Kal-El Cage. I'm not Making that Up.

It’s April, which means of course it’s Birthday Season for two very important people that influence this blog. The first, of course, is William Shakespeare, who is 449 years young today! And if William Shakespeare were alive today, what would he be most famous for?

                If you answered Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, or Othello, you’d be wrong. No, if William Shakespeare was alive today, he’d be famous for being the oldest man in the world. Just a little birthday humor. Sorry, blog writing is a lonely place. I find humor in it where I can.

                Of course, we don’t know what day William Shakespeare was actually born, but all records indicate that he was baptized on April 26^th , so most people celebrate the Bard’s birthday on April 23^rd, which was yesterday at this point. And as this blog loves to remind people on his birthday, yes, William Shakespeare existed, and yes, even though he stole the plot of just about every play he ever wrote, he did write his own plays. If he were alive today, other than the whole “being the oldest man” thing, William Shakespeare also probably would have given us several variations on Die Hard, including probably Olympus Has Fallen because he’d like to work with Gerard Butler more than Tatum Channing. But this is all speculation, we only know for a fact that William Shakespeare enjoyed working with Bruce Willis.

                Happy 449^th, Mr. Shakespeare.

                The second birthday I’d like to celebrate has to do with a date that occurred last week on April 18^th. That was the 75 Anniversary of the launch of Action Comics #1. Action Comics #1 featured the first appearance of Superhero Icon, Superman. Red trunks, giant “S” on his chest and all. And I’ve decided that this year, we’re going to celebrate.

                And we’re going to celebrate not just because there’s a new Superman movie, Man of Steel coming out. We’re going to celebrate because it’s important to think about legacies. Now, I just got done thinking about William Shakespeare… a man who’s legacy is pretty much etched in stone until someone discovers, The Tale of William Madison, Fool of Venice and discovers that Adam Sandler was, in fact, a Shakespearean actor. But Superman is different. Whereas William Shakespeare spends much of his time being accused of being fictional, Superman is fictional. But he’s been an inspiration to many, including myself.

                I’ve written in the past about the idea of superheroes and how they can affect us, and how every culture has had its tales of extraordinary people who do extraordinary things and we look up to them, from Hercules to Zeus to Odin to Brad Pitt. So Superman is in a long line of outsiders who simply want to make this adopted world something better.

                Superman was always important to me. He was the outsider who could do anything, but it wasn’t just that he could do anything, it was that he could do anything but chose to help. Superman is a conscious effort to make things better because he can. And yes, the character has been re-interpreted and made sad, and made a bad guy…. But he’s also a guy filled with boundless optimism that things can get better. He keeps throwing Lex Luthor in prison because he genuinely believes that Lex can be a better person and help humanity. He doesn’t spend 24/7 as Superman because he doesn’t think the world needs him the whole time. Look, I may not be able to knock planets out of the sky with my heat vision, but I can hope, and I can hope for the world to be a better place. Superman is an ideal. It’s something we can all aspire to, even if it’s a little thing for a couple of minutes.

                Enough smarm. Let’s keep things light on this Bad Shakespeare celebratory post.

                So, let’s take a minute to say Happy Birthday as well to Superman… a creation that has inspired millions, including one Nicolas Cage to name his son after you. And not after your human name, either. After your Kryptonian Name.

               

Pay No Attention to the Person Behind the Glasses

Howdy and Happy Groundhog Day! I hope that everyone is enjoying Groundhog Day and didn’t wake up to relive the day over and over again. Because if that happened, you probably have some sort of lesson to learn and well, that’s no way to spend a Saturday. Also, none of us are Bill Murray so you know it wouldn’t work out anyway. 

So it’s that time again – The Island of Misfit Toys visiting Bad Shakespeare. We like to keep things interesting. If you’re looking for Bad Shakespeare, he’s over on the Island doing something awesome (http://theislandofmisfittoyseag.blogspot.com). I’d thought we’d spend this Groundhog Day talking about something very important. 

Glasses.

Yes, glasses. I wear glasses and have since the 4^th grade. For much of my life, I’ve had sort of a complicated relationship with my glasses. We moved to Louisiana around the same time I started wearing glasses so it was a lot of adjustment all at once. Being the new kid is something I can deal with. Being the new kid who also looks like a bug in her glasses is another thing completely. I was the only kid in my class that had to wear glasses (at least in my memory). Being a 4^th grader with glasses is terrible. My glasses were those plastic ones that aren’t flattering for anyone. You know the ones I’m talking about. I wore them to school and then would immediately take them off once I got to my classroom. I would keep them off until my teacher made me put them on again. Usually because I was squinting. That’s why I needed glasses in the first place.

No one likes to be different when you’re a kid. In elementary and middle school, being different is basically social suicide. You tend to find kids who like the same things you do (unicorns, Jem & the Holograms, Lisa Frank folders, and New Kids on the Block) and that’s how you make friends. If you have the newest Lisa Frank folder someone is going to want to hang out with you. Don’t even get me started on Lisa Frank unicorn Trapper Keepers. We’ll be here forever.

Unless you wear glasses. When you wear glasses you’re the nerdy kid so it doesn’t matter if you have the greatest collection of unicorn themed Lisa Frank folders (aren’t all of them unicorn themed?) and every episode of Jem & the Holograms on tape, there’s not cool about you. I spent the majority of my preteen and teen years wearing terrible glasses and hating them all the time.

Here’s what I failed to realize: glasses are very powerful method of creating an identity. If I were a superhero, glasses would hide my superhero identity from everyone. Because obviously glasses make a person look totally different than they do without glasses so it makes sense that wearing glasses would be the front for a secret identity. There was a point in my life where I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I’m fairly certain that lots of people share this desire/fantasy and most aren’t even 10 years old. Anyway, Wonder Woman’s alter ego, Diana Prince, wears glasses (both in the comics and the tv show). I have to point out that my entire experience with Wonder Woman as a child was based on the tv show starring Lynda Carter and she rocked some amazing glasses as Diana Prince. I mean, it was the late 70s. These were the kinds of glasses that hipster girls wear now when they’re trying too hard. However, didn’t want to be Diana Prince. I wanted to be Wonder Woman and she didn’t wear glasses. 

Since I was way too focused on being Wonder Woman I failed to realize that the real power might in fact lie in the concept of secret identity not in combat skills, flying an invisible plane or mastering the Lasso of Truth. What I should have done in the 4^th grade was to create a secret identity for myself. I didn’t necessarily have to be a superhero since I’m not entirely sure what my superhero power would be (maybe sarcasm or 80s movie trivia) but I’m pretty certain that I could have come up with something pretty great. I mean, aren’t all little kids wickedly creative when it comes to making up stories? Weren’t we all particularly gifted in the art of fibbing? Creating a secret identity would have just been an extended fib or a slight embellishment of the truth. I would call this “telling stories” now. I should have just told a story.

I could have incorporated the fact that my family moved every few years into the story (military family). That would have totally supported the need for a secret identity. I’m not entirely sure what the glasses would have had to do with this but I could have come up with something. Anything would have been better than being “glasses face” and “nerd girl.”

As I got older, I could have pulled from Shakespearean secret identities since this was the time that I stopped watching superhero tv shows and started reading plays, specifically Shakespeare. My favorites are As You Like It and Titus Andronicus. Exile and war are totally things that high school students could get behind. The instance of disguise in Titus Andronicus is maybe not the stuff of teenage secret identity stories unless you’re interested in directing or writing horror movies. Or wanting to make a career out of baking people into pies. I still think I could have made it work. Kids will believe anything right? And it would have been totally normal to make up a fantastical story that included super powers, lost kingdoms, exile, and cannibalism. That wouldn’t have been weird at all. Or landed me in therapy for the rest of my life.

Now I’m a grown-up and I have embraced my glasses as part of me. Not wearing my glasses seems weird and unnatural. I don’t even think I need a secret identity – I just really look good in glasses. Hipsters pay lots of money for fake versions of the glasses I wear on purpose. Somehow this makes me think I won. 

Thanks for reading. If you like what you’ve read, visit me on the Island of Misfit Toys (http://theislandofmisfittoyseag.blogspot.com

Look. Up in the Sky!

A few weeks ago, I got pretty sick. This hybrid flu/black plague/Klingon chicken pox thing that has been going around and is so bad this year. The combination of Nyquil and Codine-laced cough syrup really gave me the chance to contemplate life. That and watch a bunch of movies. One of them was a recently released DC Comics movie, Superman vs. the Elite. It’s based on a Superman comic book story called What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way? I’d forgotten about the story until I watched Superman vs. the Elite. I’m not really here to do a review of the movie (other than it’s awesome) but it really got me thinking about a lot of things that have been going on lately.

In it, Superman faces off against Manchester Black and the Elite, a new group of superheroes who are more brutal than Superman. They claim they are a superhero group for the 21st century, willing to kill those villains that Superman just arrests, willing to use the full expanse of their powers to stop those they really view to be a threat. They initially get acclaim, becoming more popular that Superman because of their willingness to kill. The story ends with Superman fighting them, appearing to agree with their more brutal methods, but he uses his super-speed to pull the members of the Elite out of harm’s way before actually killing them. (oh, yeah... spoiler for a 10 year old comic book) He shows people that violence isn’t always the answer (by outsmarting them) and that he’ll continue to fight for his own ideals.

I guess I kind of gravitated towards this story right now because of the reminder of the upbeat message. Not just the non-violence method... this isn’t some anti-violence rant. But lately... we’ve gotten kind of cynical as a country. 20 kids are shot, and the first reaction is putting more guns in schools and arming teachers. (I should probably clarify that I’m a FAN of Die Hard, I am not, in fact, John McClane. Thank you for thinking of me.) Someone we don’t like is running for President, rather than coming up with a passioned defense of why we should vote for the other guy, we immediately attack just about everything from how they dress to whether or not they look like the Joker (The crazy scary Heath Ledger version, not the fun, whimsical Jack Nicholson version). Our heroes manage to let us down. And I fear our reaction is to let it get us down, think the worst of people and just sort of sigh and let it weigh us down. Even more.

Superman has always been a story of hope. Think about: Superman can do anything. He’s super strong. Super fast. Super everything. And he uses that power to help people. And he does it without killing them, despite the fact that he can bat around an eighteen wheeler the same way an Olympic Team might cheat at badminton. Yep. We live in a world where we’re coming off an Olympic badminton cheating scandal. We live in a world where badminton is an Olympic sport.

Moving on.

Superman was losing against the Elite not because they could overpower him (he proved that) but because he was starting to doubt himself. That part is extremely easy. Not the losing to a guy who can read minds, but doubting yourself. It’s easy to get defeated, we all doubt ourselves. And it just seems to be getting easier to be defeated and to doubt ourselves. Lord knows I’ve been doing that more than I should lately.

But... and this was the main theme of the movie... you can’t doubt yourself. Superman is Superman not because he wears the cape, but because he’s the eternal optimist. He puts Lex Luthor in prison because he hopes against all hopes that Lex Luthor is eventually going to use his vast wealth and intelligence for the forces of good, not for the forces of Lex Luthor. 

As the world gets scarier, it’s important that we don’t allow ourselves to fall into self doubt, and we break this cycle of getting more and more cynical. We need to stop thinking that the only way to combat cynicism is with more cynicism. Hell, how many scientists immediately run out and disprove that your favorite movie could happen? It seems like that’s all they do lately, while avoiding curing that cancer thing or making a diet soda that actually tastes great. Yes, I’m aware that there will never be an Incredible Hulk. I don’t want to know the science behind it. I want to watch him punch a giant alien spaceship. That’s why I’m in the movie theater. (A lawyer also went and found out how binding Biblo’s contract was in The Hobbit. If you needed more reasons to hate lawyers.)

So, take a chance. Just take a chance on a little optimism. Try not fighting fire with fire, and hoping for the best, rather than expecting the worst all the time. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll see how great we can be.

Holy Nerd Rant, Batman!

     As you may or may not be aware, the mecca of nerd-dom occurred this weekend that is know as the San Diego Comi-Con. Unless you’re a hipster nerd, in which case it’s way too mainstream for you, and you should shut up and let the rest of us enjoy it. And I while I say “nerd” it actually looks like a really fun time, and I would be there dressed up as the Green Lantern in a few minutes if I could.

    And, as many of you may know, I am a giant nerd that loves comic books, comic book movies, superheroes, superhero stories, and the first season of Heroes, before it became all weird and incoherent. So I followed SDCC for any hint of upcoming superhero movies or announcements that would get my little nerd heart beating.

    I’ve been over the idea of superhero stories in the past, and how important they are to our culture. I’ve covered the fact that they tap into something deep within us, and most of the earliest stories are of superheroes, like demigods, the supernatural, and so forth. So this is all natural... we’ve just added more colorful costumes,  CGI, and capes. I don’t care what anyone says: Capes are essential. (Spider-Man would be trusted by the populace if he just wore a cape.)

    While this is fun, one thing really bothers me. Marvel Comics... the group that just made The Avengers, hands down of the the best superhero movies ever in existence, just announced it’s plans to make a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Now, I like the idea in theory... it’s going to tie into The Avengers 2, which is brilliant, and I will be there to watch it and enjoy. But this comic book features a character named “Rocket Raccoon.” I don’t have a problem with Rocket Raccoon. He's a talking space raccoon that fights aliens. It's an idea I wish I came up with because it's so crazy. I don’t have a problem with the Guardians of the Galaxy or even another Avengers movie. I’ll be there at midnight to watch each one, I promise you.

    What I have a problem with is the fact that we are going to have a full fledged Rocket Raccoon movie before we even see a Justice League movie. And this is sad.

    The latest Batman installment comes out this weekend. It is going to be great. But the director, the writers, and the actors have decided that they wanted to take the story of a man who dresses as a giant bat to avenge the deaths of his parents (instead of therapy) in a realistic direction. This means he will not be hanging out on a space station with the Last Son of Krypton, the King of Atlantis, The Fastest Man Alive, or an intergalactic space-cop who controls green energy with his ring. (I LIKED The Green Lantern movie.)

    The new Superman movie was announced at Comi-Con, and while there is a shred of hope that we will see him talking to any of the above, they have denied it, as well, for hope of creating a “prestige” movie and again sucking the fun out of realizing a man can fly. Which means despite the fact that the two are owned by the same comic book company and the same movie studio, we will not be seeing these two on screen together anytime soon.

    Superman is the most recognizable superhero on the planet. You could show the “S” to a kid on the most war-torn planet in the Vulcan System (It’s not real, don’t look it up) and they’d hold out their arms. Superman is the subject of movies that don’t feature superheroes. Batman has been in more TV shows, movies, and books in the past years than any other character. Even the “minor” characters like Aquaman or the Flash are well known. And you’re telling me that putting them in a movie would be difficult? It could be two hours of an all-Justice League arm wrestling contest and it would sell out three years in advance.

    Sorry. I know usually I’d tie this in to something important. Oh, I’ve got it: even William Shakespeare would have known to write a Justice League movie right now! Oh, wait, he was smarter than most of these people: He wrote one of his most popular characters: Hal Falstaff, the fat knight, into Merry Wives of Windsor because he was popular. Boo-ya, you’ve all been Shakespeared. (And my obligatory Shakespeare reference for the week.)

    Sorry. You all know that this was something I was passionate about! Free the Justice League Movie! I’ll return to something literary and/or comedy based next time.

    Same Bad Shakespeare time. Same Bad Shakespeare Blog.